For the Love (a Tom Hiddleston fanfic)

Chapter 19

A/N: Ah!! Thanks everyone for being patient.  My super crazy week is over and after binge watching some Sherlock, and eating a lot of cupcakes, I was able to write some tonight.  Thanks for reading!! I will try to update again as soon as possible.

Tom pulled back the covers on his bed, and pulled Emie underneath with him.  He laid on his back, his arms up over his head, while Emie rolled onto her stomach, tucked in next to him.  He reached over, lazily running his fingers up and down her spine.  She turned her head to face him, smiling. 
       “We haven’t known each other very long.” She said softly.  He turned toward her, onto his side.  He kept his hand on her back.
       “No, we haven’t.” He said simply.
       “I don’t even know your middle name.”
       “William. Yours?”
       “Katherine.”
       “Good, now we know everything about each other.” Tom sighed, content.  Emie laughed, nudging him in the side.
       “Do you think it’s bad we’ve moved so fast?” She asked, hesitating slightly.  She caught his hand in hers and slowly pressed her mouth to his knuckles.
       “No, I feel like we’ve been making up for lost time.  I’ve known Chris and Lucia how long? Four years? And I’m only now getting a glimpse at you.” Tom leaned over and kissed her shoulder.
       “More than a glimpse.” She said with a raised eyebrow, which made Tom laugh.
       “Yes but where have you been, exactly?” He grinned and Emie felt her stomach do a little flip flop.
       “Avoiding your kind.” She sighed.
       “I thought we were only supposed to be friends.” He said then.  “Not that I’m complaining.” Emie turned onto her side, so she was face to face with him.
       “We are friends.” She said softly.  Tom searched her face. 
       “Tell me, Em.  Tell me what I can do to get past this rule of yours.” He said, his voice barely over a whisper.  He reached over, brushing her hair from her eyes.  Emie stilled.  In the dark, moonlight room, tucked under the covers with him, she was beginning to wonder if she was slowly losing her mind.  A few weeks ago, if someone had suggested this would have happened she would have laughed at them.  What was he asking her, exactly?
       “I know it’s a dumb rule, but…” She cleared her throat.  “It’s all I have.” She shrugged.  He frowned, tilting his head.
       “What does that mean?”
       “My parents.  They weren’t actors, but they were involved in the business.  They travelled constantly, we had a crazy childhood.  We were never in one place for a long time, it was hard to make friends or have any semblance of normality.  And then, they were suddenly gone.  If they had normal jobs, then they wouldn’t have been on that plane.” Emie paused, pressing her lips together.  Tom ran a hand slowly, gently, down her side, over the slope of her waist to her hip.  He did it soothingly, not suggestively, and Emie fought the urge to dissolve into a million pieces right there and then.  She shook her head, and kept talking. “And then there’s my sister.  Lucia deals with people harassing her, and she doesn’t get to see Chris for long periods of time.  There’s no constant. None of that appeals to me.” She said quickly. Tom was quiet for a moment.
       “Just because you don’t see someone all the time, doesn’t mean they aren’t constant.” He said softly.  Emie pressed the side of her face toward the pillow, feeling tears burn the backs of her eyes.  “Emie, I don’t mean to come off as cruel but your parents could have gotten in that accident if it were the first plane they were on or the hundredth.  You can’t always predict—“
       “I know, believe me.  I know.  I’ve gone to many therapists about it.” Emie cut him off, laughing slightly yet there was no mirth in her voice.  Tom retreated slightly.  Emie sighed, shaking her head.  “It doesn’t make sense, I know.  But it keeps me somewhat sane.” She whispered.  He nodded.
       “I really enjoy your company.” He said this rather diplomatically.  As if he were searching for the right thing to say but falling short.  Emie nodded, taking a deep breath.
       “I really enjoy your company, too.  You’re the first person I’ve met in a long time that I feel comfortable around.” Emie bit her lip.  Tom took her hand in his and kissed her fingertips.
       “When was your last relationship?”
       “Do you really want to do this?” She asked, her voice edged with warning.  Tom grinned.
       “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
       “His name is Kevin.  He’s actually someone I dated for quite awhile when I was a teenager.  We were very close when my parents died.  He helped me through a lot of it, but when he went to college we lost touch.  He went to NYU for acting, and I was on the west coast.  The distance was too much.” Emie remembered Kevin’s face.  He was good looking, but nothing compared to Tom.  He had dark features, jet black hair and deep brown eyes.  “Two years ago, he found me in LA.  He was still a struggling actor.  We sort of rekindled our relationship, but for a short time.” She sighed, putting her fingers to her lips.  “It became clear pretty quickly that he had other motives.  He knew Lucia was famous, and just wanted me to help him in his career.” Emie looked at Tom, who had a frown on his face, his brow furrowed. 
       “That’s terrible.” He said gently.
       “I should have figured.” She shrugged.  “So that was two years ago. That was the last guy I was serious with and it obviously ended…fabulously.  What about you?” She asked, suddenly very interested.  Tom frowned, his mouth pulling down.
       “About the same amount of time for me, too.  Maybe a bit longer.  She’s called Anne, she’s an actor too.  We wanted different things.  I’ve been pretty focused on my career.” Tom said, seeming to skip over big details.  Emie pursed her lips, reading between the lines.
       “So you chose your career over her.” She said, bluntly and with a small smile on her lips.  She felt the wall, the wall that had been slowly, pain stakingly crumbling start to fortify itself.  Tom made a face, squinting his eyes at her.
       “Ouch, the criticism from my right.” He grinned.  She shrugged, waiting for his answer.  “Three years ago, kids and marriage and all of that weren’t exactly on my radar yet.” He said.  Emie nodded and took a deep breath.
       “And now?”
       “And now…” Tom hesitated.  “I’ve thought about it a lot more recently.” He said simply.  Emie did not let herself read into it.  She blinked, and looked away.  Away from this man who was everything she knew she didn’t need, and couldn’t want.  So why did she feel like there was this string in her stomach that had attached itself to him?  Making her feel nervous, and excited, and hooked to his every move?
       “What is your schedule like after this?” Emie asked, closing down the part of her brain that was screaming at her.  Tom’s eyes were on her face, and he watched her as if he could hear her thoughts. 
       “I’ve got to go back to LA for a bit for press.  Then I’m back in London to prepare for the play I’m in.” He said carefully.
       “How long are you in London?” She asked, her voice rigid.
       “Emie.” Tom reached for her, and she caught his hand in hers.  She pulled it to her face, settling his palm against her cheek. Emie closed her eyes, trying to memorize the feel of her hand against her skin.  Tom ran his thumb over her cheek.
       “How long are you in London, Tom?” She said again. 
       “A few months.  Then I’m in Toronto for a movie.” He said gently.  She nodded. 
       “So you won’t be back in LA for awhile.” She said softly. 
       “No, I won’t.” Tom’s voice was careful.  He knew what she was thinking.  “Emie—“
       “Tom, let’s just take it one day at a time, yeah?” She said before he could suggest something stupid.  Suggest that they try to make it work.  Suggest that he could visit her, or she could visit him.  That they could e-mail or skype or any of the other options that Emie just knew she didn’t want to consider.  She felt the fear settle in her stomach.  If he suggested it, she knew she’d want to say ‘Yes’.  And she wasn’t sure she could handle that. 
       “Okay.” He said softly, pulling her into his chest. “One day at a time, then.”