A Year & Change

Second Guesses..

I see the crowd of people, I can hear the music blaring through the speakers, but it felt different. I guess since leaving here I've experienced a whole new level of a so called 'party'. They were mostly filled with rich people grinding on each other and drinking expensive alcohol. I was never really into that whole clubbing atmosphere. I missed the backyard hangouts, cheap beer, and dumb games that would be played. No matter how much I enjoyed all that, I did enjoy being surrounded by people who understood my new life.

"Well hey there popstar." I turned sharply making eye contact with Matt Lucas-Blake's best friend.

"Hi Matt."

"Nice seeing you back here in old tennessee, but don't you think you outgrew this place with your fancy new life now?"

"It's only been a few months and–"

"It's been almost a year Emilyn you aren't fooling anyone. We all moved on, no one cares who you are anymore."

"I'm not trying to fool anyone." I shot back getting really frustrated with him.

"All I'm saying pop star is that you all a sudden show back up for graduation without telling anyone and you come here thinking everything's the same. Well guess what it's not. Blake's moved on and so did all your friends."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Someone has to tell you the truth and the truth is you aren't apart of us anymore. You ran away when–"

"Don't" I said quickly cutting him off.

"When your dad died." He stared right at him finishing his sentence.

"What's going on?" Blake said walking over towards Matt and I.

"Nothing. I was just catching up with Emilyn, but look, I'm heading out I'll talk to you later man."

"Oh yeah sure. I'll see you later." I watched as Matt walked away never turning around to see me frozen in the same spot I had been a few minutes ago.

"Hey. Hey." Blake waved his hand across my face. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Nothing. Just good old Matt that's all." I was afraid to tell Blake what had really happened between Matt and I because I didn't want to put more things into his head; I didn't want to give him another reason to hate me even more than he already does.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

"I'll just have a water. Please." I was to nervous to drink any alcohol because I would definitely just throw it right up. I was trying to keep it together.

"They're inside, I'll be right back." I watched as he gently opened the sliding backdoor leading into the house and walked in leaving it open just a crack. Once again I was left by myself. I felt a small buzz in my back pocket. I reached into my back pocket pulling out my phone.

"Hello Will." I spoke softly into the phone.

"Emilyn, everything okay?" He sounded very concerned as always.

"Yeah everythings fine. I just don't know if coming home was the right decision." I walked towards the gate walking thru and going into the front-away from all the noise.

"You were so excited. What changed?"

"I guess I thought things were gonna be the same, but there not Will... there not." I sat down on the porch burying my head into my legs.

I was engulfed into silence. I was such an idiot to come back here. I was finally at ease with myself in L.A. and I came back here for what to get hurt all over again. I don't think it was worth it.

"I will talk to you mother." He sighed. "I'll get you on the next flight back out here if that is what you want."

Was that what I wanted. I'd be back in L.A. with my friends and be back in music.

"Emilyn?" It was Blake.

"Yes Will. Please." I ended the call and placed my phone next  to me.

"Who was that?" He said curiously

"It was my friend Will. He was just checking in on me."

"Oh."

"No. He's just my agent."

"Emilyn." Blake turned away from looking out into the sky. "What happened?"

"Blake. I tried, I wanted us to work. There was just so much going on."

"That's not what I mean."

"Then what?"

"What happened to you. After everything that happened with your." He paused looking at me. "With your dad and you leaving, you changed."

"I just grew up."

"You know who you're talking to right. I know you, and this you isn't you."

"What do you want me to say. That when he died it broke me and I didn't care anymore. I needed to get out of this place. I couldn't do it anymore. Everywhere I went reminded me of him Blake. Is that what you want me to say. I went to L.A. to find myself and I did."

"So changing your hair and losing contact with everyone. That helped you find yourself."

"No. It's just I needed to get away. I needed to let go and move on, but I came back because I missed you and Haley. I guess I was dumb to think anything could ever be the same between." I stopped myself.

"Between what Emilyn."

"Nothing just forget it. I'm sorry for everything Blake, but I had to do it for myself and for my dad." I stood up and looked away from him. "It's been a year without him today."

And I walked away. I didn't really care anymore. I was leaving Charlotte in a few days and I'd never come back. There was nothing here for me anymore. No Blake, no Haley, and no family. I was dumb to come back here and believe that there was still that love I once felt in this place.

I' would be back in L.A. in a few days and that will be the last time I ever come back to this place.

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Hey everyone. So first let me start off by saying sorry for the long break I took from this book. I was going through a lot of stuff these past few months losing my aunt just recently and I took a break from writing again. But I've been up writing a lot of nights and I'm back:). And it's summer time so I can promise you guys I'll be posting and possibly maybe even finishing the book by the end of summer!!!!  By how has life been for everyone?? I came onto Wattpad and I saw that my book Holding On has reached over 18K reads. And words can't describe how crazy that is. I love being able to write and share a story with people and possibly even connect with their lives.

So here it is and I will be posting the next chapter within the next few days!!

Comment and let me know what you guys thought!!

As always
Rachel xoxo