one night stand

Nathan

I hate myself for leaving Stana that evening and for not checking on her the morning after. I hate that things are awkward between us now and that it's my fault. I hate that she won't look at me or talk to me. I hate that I've ruined the friendship we used to have because I wanted more, I knew I couldn't have her because she's married.
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We have another scene with a kiss in it today and I really don't want to do it. I know she doesn't want to and that makes me uncomfortable, I don't want to push her into anything, even if it's work. I also know that I have to do it and it's tearing me up inside. I can't keep hurting her like this but I can't leave because then none of these people would have jobs. That would be unfair.
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                         The scene:
The two of us are sat together on the edge of the bed. Following the script, I place my hand inside hers. I bury my feelings and follow the script as professionally as I can. It's difficult but at the same time easy, i'm not pretending i'm in love with her, I don't need too.
I place my hands on the sides of her face, she looks into my eyes and I want to cry. They're so full of pain, sadness and regret. I have to close my eyes in order to finish this scene. I press my lips to hers and I never want to let go. My teeth brush over her lower lip, I don't know why. She pulls back slightly and there's blood! She's bleeding. Stana is bleeding!
Everyone starts panicking and asking if she's okay, she just runs away. I did that! I hurt her. I made her bleed. This is my fault.