i can't find me anymore {brosh}

👽

the room was spinning. the loud, thrumming bass combined with the acrid smell of liquor and weed, made josh want to fall over. he really just wanted to collapse, or even pass out. at least then he wouldn't be stuck in this hell.

sliding his back against the wall, he sat on the floor. he almost wanted to cry, the whole scene was so overwhelming. all around were people smoking, kissing, drinking, talking, dancing. he hated this. everyone was just so impossibly happy, having a great night at this party, and then there was him. huddled on the floor with his knees curled to his chest.

how was he supposed to have a good time in a place like this? no one was who they truly are at parties. they always morphed into a wild animal version of themselves, losing their lives in the mess. losing their own identity, it seemed.

there was a good reason that josh hadn't wanted to come here. but he had been dragged along, and now was having one of the worst nights of his life.

he's not going to be there, jon had said.

you need to get out more, it's good for you, ashley had said.

so he had showed up with them.

and of course, they were both wrong.

he had been coping at first, even enjoying himself a bit. until he had to go to the bathroom. and there he was. tyler, his ex that he was definitely not over, making out with a random blonde on the countertop.

that's how he had ended up on the dirty floor, crying softly into his knees.

it all hurt so much.

he heard the noise of someone sitting down beside him with a loud thud. all he wanted was to be left alone, but he didn't tell them to go away as much as he wanted to.

nothing happened for a moment. but then someone spoke, slurring their words. "you good, man?"

"no."

"i'm brendon."

"go away."