Battles for Love

The Battle for Brie Larson

This is a tale unlike any other, a war of attrition where love is the prize. One guy versus one dude in a series of battles that snowball into epic proportions in an adventure that will never be forgotten.

This is a story of Sean and Dean, two rivals competing against one another amidst mutual respect and inspiration. Stolen hearts and grand adventure are the history of these two legendary people, but their journey is a long one.

If you want to see how these two became as famous as they are, you have to start at the very humble beginnings.

            *            *            *

It was an ordinary Tuesday in some month of the year when Dean and Sean sat on the couch watching Scott Pilgrim vs the World and 21 Jump Street back to back. Of course, they should probably have been doing something more productive, but such is the life of two bachelors with no pressing or urgent deadlines.

Moments after the credits began to roll for the second movie, Dean uttered the words that would launch the future stardom of the two boys, but neither of them knew it at the time.

"This film is great. Brie Larson is in it too, which is always a good thing," Dean said. Sean released a sigh of love for her in response, but Dean would have none of it. "Shoo, go away."

"Hey, she's my age!" Sean replied, as if it gave him some more claim to her than his friend.

"Age is but a number-"

"-said pedobear before being hauled off to jail."

Of course, Brie would not go to jail because Dean was legal, but it made for a clever reply in Sean's mind.

"You won't stand a chance," Dean boasted as he booted up his computer.

And Sean marked the official start of their war,
"Roses are red,
Violets are not blue,
Brie Larson is cute,
She's not going to end up with you."

The two boys looked at each other, and for a second the world stood still. It was as if all sound had gone quiet. They both knew what was about to happen, and they both knew there was no going back from this.

Dean broke the silence first.
"Roses are red,
Violets are not blue,
Brie Larson is mine,
So fuck you."

Sean cleared his throat and took a breath to compose himself. He had known Dean for quite some time, so he wouldn't let such an argument ruin their friendship. But he wouldn't back down either.

Sean:
Roses are red
Violets are not blue
You wish she was yours
But get a clue
And dont make me bust out my mad rap skills
Cuz it'll put the world in a standstill
gaping with awe at the thrills
they get from the beats I kill.
Brie Larson marry me, she will
So back off, buddy, I'm too ill

It was underway.

Dean:
Roses are red
Violets are not blue
Brie is great
Your delusion is beginning to grate
Yes this doesn't rhyme
Free verse for the win.

Sean:
Dean, Barry, DB, D:
Let's not be confused
lest you be too enthused
Brie Larson cannot be reduced
to a prize to be so used
She will choose for herself
whom she wishes to woo
But let's be honest
It's not going to be you
Oh and roses are red
or something like that

Dean:
Piss off with the D
You're not Brie
Sure she could choose
But then we would both lose
So let us pretend we've got a chance
and keep fighting about who gets in her pants

Sean:
Touche my friend
This may be the end
of my fantasy
of Brie and me
If I can't have Brie
at least I can dream

Dean:
Thanks my friend
Glad to see you saw sense
Now sit on the fence
As I go find me Brie

Sean:
But no, I concede to Dean.
He can have Brie.
She's not the one for me.
I see another in my sight
and she makes a fire in my heart ignite.
Come into my life Ms. Watson,
Cant you see we're meant to be?  

When all was said and done, the boys realized their battle had been broadcast publicly over the world wide web. An audience had already formed, and so it began. Their war, their journey to the top.