Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[forty nine - emotional anne & finding a final note]

"You are the miracle I always hoped for him to have."

I'm crying, now. I don't feel bad about it at all, though, especially when I look at Anne to see her crying, too.

I stand up from my chair and walk around the counter, over to her. We both sob into each other's shoulders as we embrace each other in the best hug I have ever received.

We stand there for a few minutes, hugging onto each other tightly. I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life.

I've never seen Anne cry before. Whenever I would picture her in my head, I would always imagine her big, warm smile and rosy cheeks, accompanied by her bright eyes and friendly face.

I never imagined her crying.

But, somehow, even through her tear-stained face and cloudy eyes, I still feel her warmth and genuine love radiate off of her. And I hope to remember this moment forever.

Something tells me that I will.

-

"Hey, did you guys finish planning?" Ethan greets me when I walk upstairs into his room.

I lean against his desk, twiddling my thumbs.

"Yeah, most of it."

"Good." He grins.

He stands from his bed, pacing over to me.

I suddenly feel his finger on the bottom of my chin, lifting my head up to meet his eyes.

"Everything okay, princess?"

I take a moment to think. Is everything okay?

No.

But, with time, everything is going to be.

"Yes." I answer him, staring into his dark, brown eyes.

He gives me a look, detecting my lie.

"Anne and I just talked for a little, that's all." I add.

His eyes immediately fall to the ground, and he moves to lean beside me on the desk.

"It's so surreal, you know?" He says, shaking his head.

"Like, she's had cancer, I've came too terms with that, but to think about her not even being here soon... It's so weird."

I nod, agreeing with him.

"I know something that'll cheer you up, though."

I tilt my head, confused.

"What?"

Ethan smirks, backing away from the desk. He walks toward his bedroom door, as if he's about to leave the room.

What is he doing?

"Check the top drawer," he points to the desk drawer next to me.

My heart skips a little when I remember what all I have found in this drawer. All of Ethan's writing... he has such an incredible way with words.

To this day, he still hasn't exactly told me that he writes. The only letter he's ever given me was an apology letter, whenever he told me about his past, and I ran away.

I giggle lightly when I remember the fake doctor's note he attached to it. When I turned it into Mrs. Jones the next day, she believed it.

But... why is he telling me to check the drawer now?

"I'll leave you alone for awhile." His smirk widens as he leaves the room, closing the bedroom door shut behind him.

My heart seems to beat out of my chest as my shaky hand reaches over to open the drawer. I smile when I see the journal that I gave Ethan for his birthday on top. I assume this is what he's talking about.

I try to hold in my tears as I open the journal, and begin reading the first page.

Jess,

I know that you snoop through my writings. I've always known. 

Don't worry, though, I'm glad that you do. And, yes, everything you have read has been about you. I promise. 

It will only ever be you.

In such a dark time in my life, when I felt as if I could never write anything ever again, you came along. And, suddenly, I could write anything I wanted to again. Most of it ended up being about you, though. I hope that's okay. I had the worst form of writer's block, and out of nowhere you entered my life and made me feel like I could be a New York Times Best-Selling Author. 

That's when I knew that I loved you.

Whenever I would come up here to my desk and write like I had never even stopped, that's when I knew. I could write about you for my whole life, and never get tired, or run out of things to say. I feel so lucky to love you, Jess.

I never told you that I write because I was afraid of what you would think, but when I caught you peeking into my drawer and smiling like a little kid, I knew that I should never be afraid, especially when it comes to you.

So, I kept writing things for you to find. I'm surprised you never brought it up to me, really. We both knew, but never really said anything. Then, you gave me this journal for my birthday- and that was like the icing on top of the cake.

Writing is like therapy to me. I write things that I don't really think I could ever gather the courage to say in person. Whenever I first met you, I would actually hope that you would peek in the drawer again to see what I really thought about you, despite how I acted.

I know you probably have nothing but bad memories of the bonfire parties, but, Jess, if it weren't for those parties, I wouldn't have met you. And, maybe, just maybe, none of this would've happened if Lilly's drunk ass wouldn't have dragged you to the party that night, introducing me to you as "Eric." I'll never forget that. I feel like so much has changed since then. A lot of it thanks to you.

You gave me a feeling no other girl had ever given me. I knew right from the start things would be different with you. I knew that I would love you one day, which is a big reason why I tried to push you away. I thought it would be easier to push everyone away, Jess. But you kept coming back. And you kept trying. And you kept pushing me. And you drove me crazy.

And then, at the bottom of my staircase, you kissed me.

God, I knew right then, Jess, that I would never be able to get enough of you. Your lips are like the worst kind of drug to me.

I wouldn't want anyone else by my side during this time. I am so grateful to have you- I have been since the day I met you.

Thank you for being you.

I guess I don't really have to hide my writing from you anymore. Not that I really was before.

Ha. That rhymed. I could probably be a poet, too, you know. Maybe I'll start writing some poems for you, too... when the sky is blue, a cow goes 'moo,' at a party I go 'woohoo,' hey, let's take a trip to the zoo!

...maybe not.

Anyways. Sorry for getting off track.

I love you endlessly, princess. 

Never forget.

E.

-

votes and comments = faster updates !!!

thank you so much for reading !!!