Fledgling [On Hold]

Chapter Four

FOUR

Kathryn paced nervously around the campsite, waiting for someone to talk to her.  After hearing from nobody and getting tired of watching the several cops waiting by the car across the street, she retreated to the tent, alone.  She laid down on Eric’s sleeping bag and put her head on his pillow.  As soon as her head hit the pillow, she sat right back up uncomfortably.  She reached under the pillow and felt that Eric’s gun was still there.  “Perfect,” she said.  Kathryn picked it up and walked it out to the other uniforms, though she noticed the captain coming back by himself.  “Captain, what are you doing back?  Where’s Eric? He left his gun in the tent…”  She stood there with the gun in her hands, holding it out for the captain to take.  He didn’t say anything.  “Has there been any sign of my son?”  The captain reached out his arm in hopes that Kathryn would come closer.  “What’s happened?  Why do you look so distraught?  What do you need to tell me?”  As soon as she finished her question, she put her hands up to cover her mouth and took a step back, her eyes widening.  “No… no… it can’t… I can’t…”

“I am so sorry, Kathryn,” he said, moving in closer to comfort her.  She pushed him away, but the captain persisted until she was finally in his arms.  She broke down into tears again, unable to process everything that was going on around her.  Continuing to weep uncontrollably, she started to become dead weight as the captain struggled to keep her up.  He supported her as he moved her to the bench next to the tent.  Kathryn continued to cry, even harder than before.  The captain held her as she hunched over so she was looking at the ground; she closed her eyes and her head thrusted forward and within a few seconds she began to throw up, which eventually turned to retching because she had yet to eat anything.  

Somehow, Kathryn managed to compose herself enough to tell the captain that she wanted some alone time and was going to sit in the car.  

"If there is..." the captain started.

"Anything you can do, I'll let you know," Kathryn finished in an almost mocking tone.  The captain nodded his head and walked away looking at the ground.  She climbed into the driver's seat and shut the door, and watched as the captain conversed with two uniforms by the bench they were sitting at.  After another minute of exchanging with each other, the two officers walked away, one speaking into the radio attached to his shoulder and the other to several other officers nearby.  

She sat in the car quiet.  No more crying, no sniffling, no sound whatsoever, just stoicism.  She watched the captain amidst the incoming fog and rain clouds try to watch her without her knowing, though he had no idea he had already been made.  Tipping her head back, she closed her eyes and breathed in and out gently, slowly able to calm herself.  She contemplated why the world functioned like it did: victimizing the good and letting the bad thrive, continuing to let them prey on the innocent ones like Eric and Blake.  "My whole world is gone," she thought to herself.  "Everything I have worked for, everything I have gone through myself, and this is what I get... even more trauma to deal with." She had finally managed to create a new life and family that had brought her happiness, but in one day it had all been taken away.Eric had been her rock for most of her adult years, and she knew now that she would have to find another outlet--another way to keep her old pains away, as well as the new ones that she just endured. He had saved her when she was stuck at the bottom of the bottle, and without him to be her saviour, she felt there was no hope. It felt like a moment in her life where giving up was the only thing left, but she didn't last time, and instead, she found happiness with Eric. But now in the moment when she needed his half sincere and half sarcastic smile to comfort her, he was not there.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, thinking about how the upside-down world she always dreaded now became a reality.  She fought so hard to keep the demons at bay, not to let them engulf her very being, but it was as though they had won, and she was their next victim.  She had always feared when her time would come, always expecting it to be lurking around the corner.  Now, however, she had already turned the corner, and was facing her nightmare in the eyes. Instead of facing death at the current moment, she had to live, which to her was even worse.

Kathryn picked her head up and opened her eyes, gazing around.  She looked all around her and saw nothing.  The captain was no longer in sight, nor were any other cops or cars.  Her breathing quickened as she started to panic.  She put her head back and closed her eyes again, only to quickly return to her previous position in hopes that she was dreaming.  Still, nobody was near.  She started to bawl and felt like giving up, more than ever before.  The world didn't want her: that was evident.  The captain hadn't taken Eric's gun, and it sat still on the passenger seat.  Tears flowing down her face like they had been all morning, she reached for the cold metal handle and rested her pointer finger on the trigger. Kathryn had never really noticed the sleek, almost beautiful design of the gun. Normally whenever she saw it she would cringe because of the concept that such a small contraption could cause so much harm. Today, however, she found comfort in holding her husband's weapon.She raised it up, until the end barely touched the underneath of her neck.  

She took a deep breath, mouthed the words "I love you, Blake" and the captain knocked on the window.  Startled, Kathryn dropped the gun, and looked outside seeing the captain just turning to look inside the car.  She kicked the gun underneath the seat, hoping that the captain didn't see anything before he knocked.  She unlatched the door and stepped out. 

"I think it's time to get you off this island," the captain told her.  "This isn't where you need to be.  Follow me."  The sound of propellor blades chopped through the air, kicking up dust and dirt on their journey to the chopper.  He loaded Kathryn into the aircraft just as the rain started to fall.  No matter how loud the blades were, her world was quiet as she looked back on their car and their tent, realizing that she was all that was left.  Kathryn shut herself down, assuming the worst, and built a wall to trap her emotions inside and not let them escape.  No feelings could get in, and none were ever getting out.  She paused on the rail, looking back one more time, and then stepped in, fastened all the straps to keep her secure, and felt the chopper lift off the ground.  It was now above the trees, and she could see all around her.  

The helicopter spun slightly to her right, and she saw the station wagon being pulled back up the boat launch.  Tears built up in her eyes, but not a single one fell down her cheek.  Her eyes remained fixed on the car until it escaped her view, at which point she looked forward and ignored everything else around her. With her eyes locked on the submerged car, she felt like she was a bird merely observing the cars and tiny humans scrambling around it, and as the helicopter moved her further and further away from that tragic place, it was almost as if she could dismiss what had happened and maybe even dismiss how she felt, but this sensation that left her numb could not bring her son back and could not resurrect her husband.  Several more police department boats were making their way to the island, as well as the one or two that were beginning to embark on their way to the mainland.  Kathryn’s eyes began to follow the progress of the boats, but she was flying too fast and the boats could not keep up during the short trip to the police office.