Angels are Dead (to us blinded cowards).

Untitled Part 1

A/N- first of all, Pineapples o' mine, please read with caution. Check the tags and don't try to rea it if it all makes you uncomfortable, and remember that you're loved right now <3 self harm is mentioned, and I also wanna say that Dean's views or anything at all talked about in this doc are not my own, neither are the characters(just the words and idea). Also, this is an au that I think could have been plausible.

"Sammy."

Silence.

"Dude, talk to me."

Silence still.

"I'm not mad."

There's a laugh now- a bitter, choked laugh filled with disdain.

"Don't lie. You are mad. You couldn't not be mad." And the boy raises his hands, clutching his wet, blood red sleeves while wiping at the tears leaking out of his eyes.

Dean can't remember the last time Sam cried.

"C'mon man, you know I'm not mad."

And the man (more like boy, twenty didn't give you a passage straight into adulthood) swallows here, like the next words are physically hard to get out.

"I'm scared."

The silence comes back, and Dean's frustrated. All he has to offer is the truth, and he's not sure that the truth is enough this time.

Can the truth erase the Crimson growing on his brothers arms?

"Sammy, please. I just want to know why. Just tell me why?"

And that damn silence, Deans apparent ever present companion, it comes back to reign.

But then Dean figures it out.

"I won't tell dad, if you want. I won't tell dad."

And that hurts, fricking kills Dean, that Sam's afraid of their father; a man who was supposed to have raised them and protected them and loved them; a man Sam should be able to tell anything to.

But then it clicks that their father did none of those things (hell, just how blind has he been?)

"And we won't talk about it again, if you don't want to."

Because Dean was a coward, and avoidance was always the Winchester way.

Sam takes a shuddering breath now, refusing to meet his brothers eyes (his hopes eyes) as he tells him the truth ('cause he's left with only the truth as well).

"Because I'm not clean."

And that's when Dean lost faith in Angels.