Lost

Reason to Stay ☘

"So that I can protect myself, Jeremy, I can't wait for a movie star to guard someone like me." I tried to say the words harshly but it didn't come out that way.

He just stared at me for a while and I pretended not to look interested.

"Okay then I will teach you but you need to help me with something else."

Of course, I do, he will not do it for free.

"What?"

"Another one of my demons." He said and I waited for him to share.

"Summer home." He said.

"You can't visit it alone." I deducted that much.

He nodded.

"It is kind of amazing," I mumbled out loud.

"What is?"

"That I am of help to someone," I answered him with a smile.

I had my own closet of darkness and demons but I was helping someone as broken as me. It was also kind of ironic how I can't help myself.

"Charlotte and I use to visit that summer house with our friends whenever I was free. I tried to go there after she died but..." He stopped fumbling for right words to say.

"But she is there." I completed the sentence for him.

I have seen Sam millions of times hallucinating about her mother when we first met.

"Can I ask you something?" 

He nodded looking at me rather carefully.

"Why me?"

He was speechless in that moment. He was debating in his head for an answer and I understood because if he asked me why I asked him for fighting lessons when Jack was around I could not have answered him on the spot.

"Because my nightmares shifted to damning dreams about your eyes."

I swear I heard him say that but I couldn't process if he actually said it.

Did he mean he dreamt about me?

Eyes?

What?

I was sure my brain felt all cancer it that moment as it stopped working. I should feel bad about this, he should not dream about me but the bad was not showing up instead my heart was doing a little ceremonial joy dance.

"And you don't have to stare at me with those eyes now Magenta." He groaned and I looked away not sure how else to react.

For a while, we just sat together and saw the morning sun reflect on the windshield of the car. We heard the little morning chores starting around us, the voices of families and other people not too eager to live another day and yet they are so drowned in work they don't even realize that another day of their lives has passed.

"It took you four days Jer," I said chiding him a bit and saw his raised brows.

" I mean Jeremy."

"Who is counting days now?" For a moment my eyes lingered on his smirk that coiled something down the gut.

"Reggie is someone who lived in my nightmares, he is real now." I defended my words.

He went all broody again and I regretted my words.

"Reginald is not a nice man Magenta. He is the right hand of a mob boss and apparently, he found you because his men saw you in the fighting arena too often. It is my fault he found you in the first place." He was already gasping for a breath of support, he didn't need to drown in any more guilt.

"Even when you refused I came."

"Why?" He asked this time making me think of a reason and unlike him, I have no support of my dreams.

"I have killed and beat the shit out of people, I am friends with dangerous people and I am known for my ruthless nature, I am short tempered and destructive. Why do you not run away Magenta?" He asked in a helpless tone and I realized he had been struggling over this for too long.

"Because you need me," I answered him.

"Just because of that." He asked not even refusing that he needed me.

"Because even with all the bad you put up as a friend I can see the good in you."

He smiled as if this was funny to him.

Because I wanted to stay because for the first time in my hell of a life I wanted to help someone.

But I don't say that.

"Just that." He prodded me further because he knew I was not telling the whole truth.

"Because even though you think you are the big bad, you still care about the little things that Charlotte did. Because I can relate to the pain in your eyes."

 He sighed and looked away not agreeing or disagreeing.

"Tuesdays and Thursdays." He said.

And I looked at him.

"You can come to my gym and I will train you to fight on a condition."

"You already asked about the summer home, Jeremy." I reminded him.

"Quit the job at a charity hospital." He said bluntly.

"That is my only source of income and I have other reasons," I answered not sure why he wanted me to do that.

"What reasons?"

"Personal," I answered him shortly which clearly aggravated him.

"Fine, then stop living in that crap area."

"I can't leave, I have little kids there who rely on me." I sounded like Jack in that moment.

He growled in anger and that said he was really angry.

"Why don't you agree to anything? Do I have to threaten you?"

This made me laugh.

"You can't threaten me."

"You think so? Is that a challenge Magenta?" His eyes narrowed.

I shrugged and allowed him to think whatever he wanted.

He struggled with the words and I found it adorable how he couldn't bring himself to threaten me and how the times have changed. Earlier he was bent of crushing my soul and now here we are.

"Adorable." 

"Who, me?" He asked in an incredulous tone.

I just said that out loud.

"Okay, so tomorrow is Thursday." I changed the topic of discussion now.

"Yes. I will pick you up after the shift."

I nodded and asked, "About the summer house?"

"It's my sister's birthday at the end of this month."

The pain on his handsome face was heart-wrenching. And I swear it was impulsive and my fatal diseases made me do it as I raised from my seat and hugged him. He needed the hug because I know well enough how just a touch can wash away all the worries and the pain because in that moment you know that you are not going to tremble alone, there is someone to hold you.

His immediate reaction was expected, the surprise, the stiffness but then he eased bag into the hug letting himself share the pain with me. And It made me realize in that moment, Jeremy could be mended.

☘ ☘ ☘

Sometimes I feel Maureen is too noble and then.... I realize she is how my mood is xD

What will you do if you are in Maureen's place? Will you hate Jeremy?

Or try to find good in every situation, even when she knows that he killed someone.

Hope this was fun :D