golden;

twenty-seven;

"If I could go back and change what I did then I would."

"Then why did you do it?" I asked, looking at him for the first time. He wore a green jacket with a black hoodie underneath with the hood up. He wasn't looking straight at me, but he looked upset. Sadness filled his eyes, an empty look in them.

"I guess-I guess I wasn't as over Mercy as I thought I was." He said, his voice breaking slightly. He cleared his throat as more tears flowed.

I wiped them away. "So was I just someone to help you get over her?"

She shook his head. "I could never do that to anyone. You were so different to Mercedes. You were unlike any other girl I've been with, because we had a real connection. That's gonna sound so cliché, but we had something different.

I can't stop thinking about you. Everything from the first time we met to the last night we spent together, you're constantly on my mind."

I was frozen in my seat, taking in the words that just left his mouth. I was speechless, needless to say. I had no response or clapback or anything like that in mind. I didn't know what to expect.

He took my frozen hand in his. The cold took me by surprise, forcing me to look at him.

"I miss you, and I will do anything to get you back." He said quietly.

A million thoughts were going through my mind. I didn't know what to say, what to do. We sat there, not breathing a word as the world moved by.

He started to lean in, but without thinking I pulled my hand away and stood up. "I need to go. I'm, uhm- I'm meeting Nicole."

I walked away quickly, almost running back up the pathway to my car. I needed to clear my mind, and take in what he said.

I jogged up to my car, unlocked it and got in. I reached into my jeans pocket to get my keys out, but they weren't there. I banged my fists on the steering wheel, frustrated and angry and upset all at the same time. Why do these things always have to happen to me?

The passenger door opened to reveal Fergal, breathless. "You dropped your keys." He said, holding them out for me to take. I snatched the keys out of his hand and turned away to look out the window. I wanted him to leave but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that.

"Look, you don't need to talk to me, but I need to know if you're okay." He said. Rain started to fall, leaving droplets on the window. I could feel hot tears spill down my cheeks, but I bit down on my finger, trying not to let my sobs be heard. The truth is I didn't know if I was okay; there's so many emotions running through me that I haven't been thinking straight.

I turned to look at him. His hoodie fell off his head, leaving him drenched. "I'm fine." I said, tears still falling down my cheeks but I wiped them away quickly. I fumbled with the keys and turned on the engine. The car kicked into gear and I fastened my seatbelt.

"If there's anything I can do to help-"

"You've done enough damage, Fergal." I cut him off. "You can go home now."

His shoulders slumped, and he looked defeated. I knew he wanted to talk more about it, and to sort out the situation, but I knew he knew that this wasn't the right time.

"We just need to take some time apart," I said. "Think everything through." I looked over at Fergal, who was no longer leaning against the car. He pulled his hood back up and shoved his hands in his jacket pocket. He looked at me one last time, sadness and regret filling his eyes before slamming the door shut. I flinched slightly and watched him walk down the street through the rear view mirror.

I leant back in my seat and sighed before driving out of the parking space. I needed this time alone, to think everything through. The fact of the matter is is that I'm still in love with Fergal, even after everything. It was my own fault for getting so attached in the first place, truly believing that we had some sort of future ahead of us. I was ready for this new start in life; but the heart wants what it wants, even if that causes pain.

The beds getting cold, and you're not here

The future that we hold is so unclear

But I'm not alive until you call, and I'll bet the odds against it all.

Save you're advice 'cause I won't hear,

You might be right but I don't care,

There's a million reasons why I should give you up,

But the heart wants what it wants.