Forty Five- It's Fight or Flight

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*unedited so excuse if it's shit lmao*

Interviews were never my favourite thing, but today was going to be the hardest I've ever done.

The morning was quite the blur for me as I'd been rushed around by management from the crack of dawn to prepare me for the day ahead. I'd spoken with a psychologist and rehabilitation adviser which had resulted in lengthy discussions on what I could and couldn't say in the interview. I could barely remember a thing that was said but I was doing the best I could.

I was now on my way to the studio where an intimate interview was going to be recorded. It was absolutely terrifying for me. I was about to tell the world about my darkest moments. This was going to be a no bullshit interview, it certainly wasn't going to be pretty and it wasn't going to shy away from the harsh truth that I was about to disappoint a lot of kids by admitting that I was in fact a drug addict.

I was also petrified because this interview was going to be live streamed. A last minute decision by my management team. They decided that live streaming would give a more raw, authentic feel to the interview. It would allow the audience to see an unscripted, unedited side of me, a vulnerable note they don't typically see through social media. Managements thought process behind it was that it would gain me the sympathy vote, which wasn't at all what I wanted but if it's the best I get then so be it.

Today the band was also going to announce our hiatus. We decided on having six months with no work, starting once we release our final music video. Then, after six months we'll reassess the situation and if all goes to plan, we'll begin recording a new album to release in twelve months or so. The fans we're going to be destroyed today.

The thing that frightened me most however, was that my families name would be brought into this. My parents were fine, they knew how to handle themselves. Their work wouldn't be tarnished or anything of that sort, they weren't in a prestigious business or anything. It was Jackson who I was worried about. He's only a teenager. He already gets a lot of shit at school for being the sibling that no one cares about because I'm the famous one. Although we know the truth and that that is not that case at all. Jackson has the most love and support from all of us. While I would be gone, my friends used to take care of him. Joel often spent time with him, he raised him to be a fine young man. However I was worried about Jackson because the last thing I wanted was him getting shit at school because his sister is a drug addict. I know he can handle himself now, he's grown up so much. But I still worry because I still see that little ten year old when I look at him.

Jackson spent the day by my side despite my constant nagging that he be at school instead. He said that there was no way he was letting me go through something this big alone again. And although trying to convince him I wasn't alone, that I had my parents, Joel, the band and the management team all with me for the day, he stood his ground and refused to leave my side.

It was just past midday when we arrived at the studio. My nerves continued to sky rocket and both Joel and Jackson were keeping on top of it. They'd distract me to calm me down as much as possible. I was extremely thankful for the both of them.

"Chloe, you'll have half an hour before the interview is due to start. There's a little room out the back of you'd like some time to gather your thoughts before we begin as well. Otherwise, feel free to chill out in the lobby with everyone before we head into the studio. There's water and some snacks over there too incase you're hungry." One of the guys, Robbie, from the management team told me. I nodded and gave him a small thanks after a shaky breath.

"Do you want to go out to the room?" Joel asked me quietly.

"Yeah, I might just go alone for a minute though if that's okay?" I said. He nodded with an understanding look on his face.

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