The Oldest Sacconejoly

Chapter Twenty

Major time skip going on and my writing style has changed too

It's been three and half months since I have been ill, I've had tests after tests and still don't know what is wrong with me. I have been allowed home leave over the weekends and that's been going fine I guess, I've got to see Nebraska and Tom which I've liked and I've been able to play with Emilia and a Eduardo too, but things also have been going down hill lately and that is putting things lightly. Theirs this one member of staff here on the unit who I kinda have been going for, he's working with the figures and he let the things I see in, it's horrible.

"Elizabeth are you ready to go?!" I heard Chloe call and I simply picked up my bag and left my room. I didn't say anything, I just was thinking about the weekend. How it's time I think our viewers knew the truth but I wanted to be the one that tell them.

"I'd you feel like you can't cope or everything gets too much just give us a call and we will pick you up" Chloe told me as I got into the mini bus. I plugged my headphones into my ears and ignored the whole world untill we get home. Since it was Christmas in two days I'm staying home for four full days and going back to the unit and then once again coming home the day before New Year's Eve so I'm hoping things will be alright with me throughout the days I'm home.

After the drive home we were finally their, we were driving into the drive way. I was excited to spend the next four days with my family and get to see Nebraska and Tom, Braska told me over the phone the other day that she has a boyfriend which is so cute and I'm so happy for her. I climbed out of the back of the mini bus and made my way to the gate letting Chloe follow me in and towards the kitchen door.

"Eliza" Emilia and Eduardo both screamed as I opened the door they both ran around the table and hugged me. I couldn't help but smile having them in my arms it felt nice. Chloe gave mum and dad my medicine.

"We will be back on Tuesday to pick Elizabeth up. If theirs any issues before then feel free to call us" Chloe told my parents as if I wasn't stood their. I soon went with Emilia and Eduardo to play in the living room with Eduardos Thomas the tank engine toys and Emilias frozen toys, it felt like old times, before I went 'crazy'

"Mum, Dad before we do anything today I want to make a clip for the vlog, I'm ready for everyone to know where I've been" I smiled taking a deep breath knowing this was going to be hard but I wanted it down now, I've left it for almost four months now so it's best to tell everyone now.

"If your sure" dad smiled and I nodded.

"I'm going to go to my room and use my camera to film it, I'll be back down when I've finished it" I nervously spoke standing up from playing with my younger siblings, mum gave me a hug before I left the living room and went o the stairs opening the stair gate and headding upstairs. Once I got to my room I set my camera up as if I was going to film a video for my main channel.

"Hi friends. I know it's been awhile since I've vlogged and actually been in the vlogs properly. Their are reasons to this and I think nows the right time to tell you all." I paused looking down. I didn't even know how to explain what's been happening in my life

"As you all know I've not been living at home over the last three and half months, you all think I've been in Ireland staying with Oma and Erika but that's not true either. No I've not fallen out with mum and dad either." I continued clarifying things people would probably assume.

"Anyway moving on. I've been in a unit, a Children and Adolescent mental health unit to be exact and I didn't really want to tell you guys untill I was in a stable place, sorta like now but I am still unwell. When I'm ready I'll tell you my full story but for now I don't think I'm ready to do so." I paused with a half fake half real smile on my lips.

"I hope you all understand why I've not been in the vlogs" I smiled before turning the camera off and taking it downstairs. I must have been upstairs for almost a hour because I found dad in the garden with Emilia and Eduardo and mum in the kitchen.

"You alright El?" Mum asked me and I nodded simply trying to compose myself after making the clip for the vlog .

"It was hard making that clip. I'm pretty scared that everyone will think I'm making it up" I admit to mum as I leant against the counter biting my lip.

"If they think that then they must be stupid. It's obvious your not lying. Okay princess?" Mum asked me and I nodded, I went over to her and gave her a hug, I stood their in her embrace and just began to cry. I hated feeling the way I do and not seeing my family everyday. It's just getting too hard.

"Hey hey it's alright Elizabeth, I'm here now. Shh shh" mum soothed me and I continued to cry into her chest.

"It's so hard mum, I hate not seeing you, dad and Emilia and Eduardo every day, I miss having breakfast and Tea with you all, I miss playing with Emilia and Eduardo. I just can't cope with the voices any more. I just want to end it all for good" I said through sobs looking up to mum who looked speechless, I don't expect her to know what to say, I've basically told her I can't go on, that I basically want to kill Myself.

"Princess you can fight this, your strong, you take after my and your dad with that" mum said to me calmly, she sounded as if she was about to cry. I pulled away from the hug and looked at her biting my lip.

"Don't cry mum, please" I say trying not to cry again myself.

"I love you mum" I whispered as mum pulled be back into a hug, she rubbed my back gently as I cried into her chest once again, gosh I was so emotional.

"I love you so much Elizabeth" mum whispered back to me. I could tell she had tears rolling down her cheeks. I soon realised dad was standing in the doorway looking at us as if to say what's going on in here and I looked over to him faking a smile.

"Is everything okay?" Dad asked and I nodded even though it was blatantly a lie seeing as both mum and myself were crying. Dad came over and pulled me and mum into a hug.

"I'm sorry" I apologised to my parents feeling as if I let them down. It was true though I had let them down, I was the worst daughter anyone could ever have and I've messed everything up, we were meant to be going to Ireland in October we didn't end up going and it's all my fault.

Everything is my fault....