Regrets and Mistakes

Seven

"Why are you smiling?"
"Because you care. You genuinely care."
"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

I looked down at my hands. I felt them beginning to shake and I shut my eyes tight and let the tears fall. I heard Alex sigh.

"Oh Rach."

She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. She put her chins on my head and rubbed my back. I cried into her chest.

"I'm here now. I'll always care about you. Christen isn't like her. She loves you so much. She cares about you so much. We all do. You changed our lives for the better. I know this is hard but if you give us a chance we will help you."
"Why couldn't you adopt me?"

I felt her tense against me and I pulled away. She wouldn't make eye contact with me and I took a step back. I thought about everything that happened the past few days and then it hit me, you need two people to sign an adoption cert, especially when a mother is claiming back her child.

"You already did, didn't you?"
"I can explain."
"Were you going to tell me?"
"Eventually yes I was. Please let me explain."
"You lied to me."
"Lying is pushing it. I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you the whole truth."

I brushed past her and began running. I ignored her and Kelley's calls and kept running. All the way back to the hotel. I ran past everyone in the lobby and up the stairs to the third floor. I ran down to mom's room and knocked on the door. I heard shuffling from behind and it opened and Tobin appeared. She opened the door wider and I walked in. I walked in and looked right at mom and I felt my eyes water. She stood up and walked towards me but I held my hands up.

"Why!"
"Why what?"
"Why didn't you tell me she signed the papers as well?"
"Let me explain-"
"Explain what? Why, why, why you, you left me in the first place? Why why you signed the papers? Why I'm even here?"

I stormed out of the room and slamming the door shut behind me. The elevator door opened and Alex and Kelley stepped out. We all froze in our steps. I turned and began to walk the other way when mom stepped out as well. I was stuck in the between the middle of them. I closed my eyes and balled my fists. My phone started ringing and I sighed. I pulled it out and answered it without looking at the ID. I heard deep breaths coming from the other line.

Uncle Jason; It's just me. I know you're pissed but I'm doing this to protect you.
Me; You didn't have to leave so soon.
Uncle Jason; I know, I'm sorry. I needed to get out of there.
Me; And I didn't? Yeah you lost your brother and nephew but imagine how I'm feeling Jason? I lost my best friend. I lost a woman who, no matter how much I despise her now, was my mother and treated me like her daughter. I lost my dad. The only man I left close enough to see the real me. So I'm sorry if all of this got too much for me but fuck you Jason. I lost them too. I lost them and I lost Theo and Marjorie.
Uncle Jason; Rachel I-
Me; No, you know what Jason? You do what you do best. This time around I'm not waiting for you to come back. Goodbye Jason.
Uncle Jason; Rachel don't do thi-

I hung up and smashed my phone of the wall opposite to me. I slid down against it and brought my legs up to my chest and cried harder. I felt two people sit on either side of me but I shut my eyes tight and tried to stop crying. I could feel my body shutting off all emotions and I stopped crying. I lifted my head to see Mom and Alex looking at me with puffy eyes.

I stood up and walked away from them. I walked into the room I was sharing with mom and Tobin and walked straight to my bag, ignoring everyone in there. I started putting everything into my bag.

"Rachel, what are you doing?"
"Getting away from here."
"Where will you go?"
"As far as possible away from here."

I zipped my bag shut and flung it on my back. I brushed past Tobin, mom and Alex and out of the room again. I was nearly at the elevator when I felt someone grab my wrist. I turned around abruptly and stood tall. Alex looked at me with tears falling down her face.