I Wish You Knew [Haylor]

Chapter 62

He drives quietly, his hand on my knee and his eye death stare at the road. He's scared.

It makes me feel bad that I'm the one who make him scared, terrified.

"Harry.." I called out his name but he didn't answer. His hand just keep rubbing my knee slowly and caressing it. "Baby.." He didn't answer again. Maybe he didn't hear me but I'm sure he did.

The air became really thick and unbalanced. Silence containing us, it was a gloomy night. And I hate it, I hate it so much.

He stepped on the breaks so hard, the red light appearing on the traffic lights. He took a deep breath and sigh. A sigh that shows a vulnerable side of him.

"I didn't mean to scare you." I looked at him who's still staring at the road. His eyes telling me that he's broken. "Harry..." I called out again, hoping for him to answer it back but instead he just tighten his grip on my knee.

"Did I do something wrong back at the hospital?" I questioned him and he shook his head. Driving again once the light turns green.

I sighed, only to make the silence go away for one second. He didn't seem bothered by my movements.

***

Harry looked at me and he sighed deeply, taking the car key in his hand and stepping out of the car. He opened up my door as he pull his arms out for me to steady on and he hugged me, lifting me up in his arms and rubbing my back slowly.

He's devastated...

"I'm so sorry baby." He whispered in my ears, me putting my head on his shoulder. I felt weak hearing his voice, it was not Harry. It was not him.

He sat on the couch, still holding me in his arms and rubbing my back. He looked at me as I looked up to see him. I didn't even notice the redness in his eyes, the slow and unsteady breathing, the tiredness on his face.

"Why are you so quiet in the car?" I asked, looking up at him who's running his hand trough his hair and messaging his the back of his neck after that. "Harry? What's wrong?" I asked, not bothering to wait for his answer. I know something is wrong, I know he doesn't fee comfortable right now.

"Everything is so fucking wrong. Nothing is right, Taylor." He shouted, making me hulk when he said that and him looking at me as if he has done something bad that hurt me.

He immediately hugged me tighter than before, putting his head on my shoulder and sighing over and over again. Until I heard a sob coming from his mouth, his arms tightening on my body.

"Harry?" I put my hand on his head, running my fingers trough his curly hair and doing it again to make him calmer. But it didn't help, at all.

"I'm scared Taylor, I'm so fucking scared. What if you leave me all of a sudden and I'm left here alone? It could happen anytime soon Taylor and I don't want that." He shouted, not looking at me but still putting his face on my chest. "It's killing me that it's killing you, I don't want us to be like this Taylor. We are never happy Taylor, never." My eyes are blurry with tears, a sob escape my mouth and there we are, sitting in each other's arms, crying.

"What do you mean we are never happy? We are happy, Harry." I know what he meant, I know what he was trying to tell me but he can't tell that now, not now when he's crying.

Harry is never the type of guy who would cry in front of me, if he does cry, he's hurting so badly.

"We were happy." He said "were" seriously, there's no softness in that voice not anything just serious.

"I love you Taylor, I love you, I love you so much." He said out of no where, he has million thoughts running in his head and I know it, his sudden expression change says it all.

"I love you too Harry." At this point I stopped my crying, but him- he hasn't stop. That million thoughts in his head is getting worse and worse that he can't washed it away. He lets them in and now he can't let them out.

"I don't want us to talk about your illness, not now." He said and I nodded, it ruined us, my illness- it ruined both of us. Inside and outside. No one planned it, no one caused it, but it happened and what happened, happen.

"Okay." I let out a sigh. He looked at me and he brush his lips against mine, me looking at him. That kiss was sudden, but knowing Harry he always does that. "I was not ready." I smiled, putting his face in my hand and I kissed him right back, it was not cold and unhappy, it was sad and fragile.

There difference between the two. One of them is bad and one of them is just sad. And we are both sad now. We can't change anything, with this kiss we can't be happy but at least we can find each other again.

I want him, a lot, so much. I need him. Feeling him again is new, even when I saw him everyday and yesterday I was jut kissing him. I still miss him, our break makes me love him even more, not hate him.

Not seeing him just makes me think of him, not forgetting him. I told myself to forget, but instead I remembered. It's weird how life played out, it's like everything is unexpected and everything always turns out to be different than what we're expecting. I know we can't expect anything, but it's always good to expect something right?

It's just not fun when what you're expecting turns out to be bad. Like now, I didn't expect myself to have the Ilene's that's killing my heart. I never felt anything wrong with it and it turns out that there's a million things that is wrong with my heart.

But it's happy when something you're not expecting turns out to be real, I never thought me and Harry would come to each other again. I guess fate is in our hands and now, we just have to see how life would be for us.
__

I tried.

I can't make Taylor die in this book, I can't even make a scene where Harry hold Tay's  hand and Taylor unconscious. No, I have too much scene like that in my previous book 😂.

I don't know if they'll be together forever, because it's life you guys, I'm not the one who choose their path. Even when I'm the one writing it- hehe.

No, really I can't make them separate again. They've been trough so much in this book that I can't, I just can't. I mean maybe I'll change my mind but for now, I want to write something that will make this book a little bit happier.

THANK YOU! I love you all.