Reintegration

Reintegration 6

I yawned and folded my arms on the table, resting my head on them. I'm so tired, but I'm not sleeping. I wouldn't be the kind of student who sleeps in the classroom; Reno might do that, but not me. I would be diligent and pay attention, but I certainly wouldn't be a teacher's pet or a know it all, just a good student. Yes, that's it...

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"Sephiroth!" I jolt awake at Rufus' voice, the images of my nightmare still fresh in my mind. There was Hojo, Jenova and a big tank with green liquid and a silver haired baby inside.

My breaths are labored, my puffy red eyes wide in alert and I'm looking in every direction, searching for the hiding place of a monster who is waiting to attack me. I close my eyes and cover my face with my hand for a moment, then take a deep breath and look at the worried expressions that surround me. "I'm sorry, what I did was inexcusable, falling asleep like that..."

"What's inexcusable is allowing yourself to reach this state. Sephiroth, don't think we haven't noticed you look like a zombie lately. Your eyes are red and puffy with purple lines under them and you look like you're constantly suppressing yawns. If you're suffering from and insomnia this severe, you should see the doctor," Rufus scolds.

I shake my head, "It's not insomnia, I just can't sleep," then I realize how stupid that sounds.

"Insomnia means you can't sleep," Elena clarifies.

"Even I knew that!" Reno laughs.

"I know," I think they believed I knew what insomnia meant; they probably assumed I was too out of it to speak coherently. "It's not that I can't sleep, it's just that I can't..." I'm not making any sense, not even to myself, but I can't help it, this is difficult to put into words.

What am I supposed to say? That I'm too frightened to sleep? I'm not a child, I shouldn't be afraid of nightmares. What else should I tell them? That I hear strange noises from under the bed and in the closet when I'm alone in my apartment? I wasn't afraid of monsters as a child and it would be ridiculous to fear them now. If i say that, they'll conclude I'm crazy and I probably am.

The Turks look at me expectantly, waiting for me to explain what this is about. "Nightmares," I finally confess and decide to leave it at that.

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Step 37: Facing Reality

After my confession about having nightmares, it was decided that something had to be done. "There's a dangerous enemy out there and the mafia situation is getting worse. We don't know if there's a connection or not, but regardless of that, both problems need to be dealt with. We need you at your best, sorry to say it, but there's no time for you to learn how to deal with things step by step. This will either make you stronger or break you, but I believe that if you ever had the potential to overcome your past, you will do it regardless of how hard it is." From a certain angle Rufus might have sounded harsh, but his words also showed that he does have faith in me.

I'm reassured now that I've gone from being the issue to being part of the resources that are needed to solve the current issues. I nodded tiredly, "I will handle things," even if it means facing the monsters in my sleep.

xoxox xox xoxox

I didn't know where Rufus and the Turks were taking me; I just followed them like a zombie and got in the car, where I dozed off for a while and woke with a startle. I had more nightmares and they were even worse than before. Lucrecia transformed into Jenova and Hojo murdered her, in the background there was a silver haired child crying helplessly, unable to do anything or even move.

When I got out of the car along with the group, the six of us traveling in two cars, I noticed that we were in front of the Seventh Heaven. Maybe facing Cloud is their way to make me face my past and hopefully learn to deal with it.