Reintegration

Reintegration 2

Reintegration

Sephiroth's Point of View

Step 09: Bang your Head

I find myself having trouble fighting the irresistible need to bang my head against the dashboard as Elena speeds away, driving like a maniac. From what I've heard, Reno's driving is worse and though I find that hard to believe, I will make a mental note never to get on a car if Reno is driving. If his driving truly is worse than this, it could even kill a Soldier.

I survived the tedious task of measuring myself, it was very annoying, but I took it like a Soldier, or I should say Turk. Fortunately, Elena assured that the uniform would be the standard design for the Turks, so that puts me at ease in terms of the possibility of it being influenced by Darla's taste in her personal attire. Rufus really needs to get a new tailor.

"It was a really good thing that I was assigned this mission," Elena rambles on endlessly. "Because I don't even want to think about poor Tseng being near that woman. Rude would have the best chance of survival from the three of them, but I could almost see him twitch last time he had to deal with her, I'm sure he nearly had a nervous breakdown and that's saying a lot for Rude. I bet Reno would get distracted by some random thing or only try to save himself and he wouldn't have protected you properly. But don't worry, you're safe with me."

That dashboard is looking more and more tempting by the second, attracting my head like a magnet. I force myself to look away from the dash and to Elena, then mutter a barely audible, "thank you." Apparently I'm a fragile creature who needs to be protected because I haven't been through Turk training.

"I heard you were moving out of the basement, good for you. Tseng is helping you pick a place and I volunteer to help you pick the furniture. We should all go shopping together; it'll be so much fun!" The desire to bang my head continues to increase.

xoxox xox xoxox

After we arrived at headquarters we went to see Rufus, who was working on some accounting. I took the opportunity to mention my concerns. "Sir, if I may ask, is there a reason to withhold the funds Shinra has been providing?" I've always been told I should cut the small talk and be direct.

Rufus barely looks up from his desk, "I thought you might notice something. It's being done how it needs to be done, there's no need for you to worry about it."

"But the people need this help and it's not fair that you are living in riches while others are..."

"Shut up!" I fall silent; it seems I hit a sensitive spot. Rufus glares, "listen carefully, I'm trying to do the right thing and make it so people are not dependant on Shinra, history will repeat itself if they are. I can't save them, they have to save themselves and the only way they'll learn to be independent is if they need to be independent. The economy won't prosper if everyone sits down to wait for the next paycheck from good old Shinra to arrive. They have to learn not to count on us so that they can count on themselves."

I'm starting to see the logic behind this, don't give me a fish, instead, teach me how to fish; as the old saying goes. Maybe accusing Rufus was my own cheap excuse to find faults in someone else and by comparison reduce the gravity of my own flaws.

Rufus takes a deep breath, "don't do that! Don't give me that sad look, it's annoying. Go away, you look pitiful!"

Did I truly look that sad just now? I suppose the realization that I am in a league of my own in terms of vast need for unattainable redemption does feel quite harsh. "Excuse me, sir."

I exit the office, walk down the hall and proceed to bang my head against the wall. I continue the motion until I feel a hand pull my head back and do not resist. I turn to see Rude, the only one tall enough to reach the top of my head if he stretched his arm. He shakes his head in disapproval then speaks a firm, "no," as if he were scolding a puppy.