Searching For The Light: BTOB Changsub x APINK Chorong ✔

Chapter 1

[!] Updates every Friday and Tuesday~
--
Chapter 1 / Back To The World
Changsub's POV

I salute to everyone one last time before I take the car ride back to Seoul. Men who came with me during the enlistment have these smiling faces that can't seem to fade. They start calling their families, friends or girlfriends to let them know that they're finally coming home after two long years.

Lee Minhyuk, one of the few people who stayed friends with me throughout the journey, pats my shoulder hard. "I'll see you out there." He said with a wide smile. He has a family and a dog to come home to and he's excited.

I nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, call me."

He motioned drinking with his hand and winked. "Definitely!" He turned his back on me and got into the car that would drive him home.

My smile faded as soon as he was gone from my sight. I spent so much time wishing for this day to come, but now that it's hereㅡI can't feel anything at all.

I just put on my earphones when I received a text message from my little sister.

BOMI:

ARE U ON YOUR WAY? CALL ME.

I haven't even started to type a reply when another message from her came.

BOMI: WAITING FOR U HOME. GUESS WHO MADE YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD?

I typed. STOP ACTING SWEET. U GIVE ME GOOSEBUMPS.

BOMI: OH CMON! U R FRESH OUT OF ARMY. IT'S NICE TO PRETEND IM YOUR SWEET, SWEET LITTLE SISTER. HAHAHA

I smiled a little, and then I sent: ARE U WITH EUNKWANG AGAIN?

BOMI: OPPA TAKES CARE OF ME VERY WELL, ALSO HE MADE YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

I sighed and played the music on my phone. I closed my eyes and ignored the rest of the world. The music and I were one again.

Except, my thoughts break in and like always, I can do nothing to stop them from flooding my brain.

#

"Changsub-ah!" Eunkwang shouted excitedly, way more excited than my sister. He has this familiar huge smile on his face as he ran to give me a hug.

I frowned, but I let him hug me anyway. "What theㅡ"

"Yah! Look at that sharp jawline! Aigoo, you lost so much weight!" He nagged like a mother.

A mother...

I looked at my sister and she must have seen something in my eyes because she quietly came to me and wrapped her arms around me. "Welcome back home." She said.

Home, my brain repeated.
Without mom. It added.

My heart jolted in pain. I walked past both of them, to the house where everything is familiar and strange at the same time. The house looks the same but the feeling is empty and dark. I went up to my room and tossed the duffel bag beside the bed where I let my body fall and relax. I stared at the white ceiling of my room and the feeling I get every day and night when I was in the army, followed me here. The madness and sadness mixing together, creating a hollowness inside me.

I know I should be, at least, relieved and happy that my sister is doing okay and my best friend looked out for herㅡand I guess, I am, but right now these dark emotions are stronger than anything I ever felt. The sun comes up but I don't see it shine, the rain falls but I could only feel its coldness, the sun comes down but the sunset wasn't as beautiful as the way I saw it before. It's just another indication that there's tomorrow. And tomorrow, I'll live and go on with the emptiness inside me.

I'm sick of it. I really am.
Sometimes, I wish I could just end my life or it would just end itselfㅡbut I see my sister's face in my head and I know... I know that there are many reasons to live, they're out there but I just haven't found them yet.

I heard a knock on the door, followed by Bomi's voice. "Oppa, let's eat."

I got up and said, "Yeah, I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay."

I took my shoes off, took my clothes off to change into more comfortable ones. I opened my closet and memories paraded in front of me. Pictures everywhere.

I swallowed and found myself staring at them for so long. My heart is sinking. I closed it quickly after taking a random shirt. I went to the bathroom and washed my face as if it's filthy, but the truth isㅡI was just really trying to wash my tears away.

#

"You should start eating more." Eunkwang said while we were having an early dinner.

I did lose weight and gained more defined muscles but I know that they don't match and Eunkwang is right but I didn't say anything anyway.

"What are your plans now?" He asked again.

Two years ago, my plans after military service were clear. Now, I don't know what I want to do anymore.

"Are you still gonna pursue singing?" Bomi asked.

I shook my head without looking at the both of them. "Singing will get us nowhere. You have to continue college."

"If that's what's holding you back then you don't have to worry about me! I have part-time jobs and they pay really wellㅡ"

"And what about the bills?" I cut her off.

She exhaled. "It's gonna be okay. You can keep singing."

"I don't want to sing." I replied.

She put down her chopsticks. "Why are you being like this?"

"Like what? I'm just telling the truth. We have to liveㅡ"

"Then live! That's why I'm telling you to sing again because you love singing. You love music! I've been waiting for you to come homeㅡbut all you show me is how hopeless you are about our situation." She said in the verge of tears before walking away, slamming the door to her bedroom.

I stopped eating. Eunkwang was staring at me intently. "Don'tㅡ" I said, "ㅡlook at me like that."

"Bomi is right, Changsub-ah."

I took a deep breath and massaged my temple. "People change. I don't want to sing anymore."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I'll think about it, but right now, I just... don't know yet."

After dinner, Eunkwang and I washed the dishes because Bomi won't come out of her room. Eunkwang headed back home. I went upstairs to my room and switched on the lights.

I looked around with the little bravery inside me and got a box. I started peeling pictures off the wall of me and Naeun. I removed all the things that reminded me of her. I removed all of her and I wish I could remove her from my memories, my heart and my mind because she had removed herself from my life. I wish I could remove her enough until it's like she didn't exist at all.

But then I collapsed on bed, holding our engagement ring in my hand and I know she won't be removed from my heart and mind just yet. Memories with her are still all over me. Her pretty smile, her eyesㅡour dreams, our plans. They're so clear to me that it's hard to believe she's gone.

ㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡ

A/N:  I know Changsub and Naeun are a weird combination but I want the ex to be reallyyyyy pretty and I thought about Naeun immediately. Lol.

Please vote and leave your comments!