Second Chances

Without You

The next morning I woke up with the worst headache in the world and my stomach was turning circles. What did I do last night? I thought to myself as my cloudy brain started to clear. A heavy weight on my waist made alarm bells start blaring out. Shit. Who did I do last night?! I slowly turned around hoping not to wake whoever it was, when I saw that familiar head of fluffy blonde hair nuzzled up into my back. My heart pounded as I frantically searched my memory for tiny fragments of what could have been, but then it all came crashing down on me when I realised we were fully clothed and the TV was still on. Last night. The Russian. Kimi saved me. Ugh. Let me go back to sleep. I was about to drop my head back down onto the pillow but a soft groan from my bed sharing friend caught me and I looked back round to him. He hadn't moved but I found myself staring at him. Hell did he look cute. Shameful or not, I slowly rolled over onto my left side, still his arm hung softly on my hips as I moved around and I lay on my pillow just watching him. Creepy or what?

Truth was, I never thought this would ever happen again. Lying with him in bed, listening to his gentle snores as he dreamed away beside me. It stung my heart to know this wasn't real and I wasn't back in his arms again, but torturing myself for a few minutes seemed worth it right now.

After a few moments he must have felt my absence from his body as he unconsciously shuffled closer, my heart soared, but wait, what if he thought he was with her? My brief moment in pure bliss had been horrendously destroyed with the reality of the situation. He'd just apparently split up with her, his girlfriend of a year, of which I still hadn't spoken to him about, and here I was fantasising about him wanting me. What if he still wanted her? I took a deep breath, tears began bubbling up. Why do I do this to myself?! Every. Fucking. Time. I swallowed hard, promising myself I wouldn't cry when the person in question moaned once again, "Bella..." my heart froze. My body froze. I thought he was awake, but nope. He moaned again and nuzzled his head further into the pillow. What was that? I layed perfectly still for a few seconds, just staring at him. He was definitely asleep. I wondered what he could be dreaming about, and I also wanted to wake him up, talk about everything that's happened. But I didn't. I just did something creepy, I layed there and watched him...

I moved my head closer to his, his breath fanning across my face as I did. I couldn't contain the smile on my face as I looked back at him. His hair ruffled up, even as short as it was, he always managed to fuzz it up in his sleep. I smiled. That usual frown adorning his brow, my mind shot back to the times I would press my index finger against the furrow between his eyes when I thought he was frowning too much. It would always work and I'd hear that chuckle erupt from his mouth. Ah, his mouth. Those soft pink lips of his, slightly parted, and always oh so kissable. I closed my eyes and squeezed my thighs together as I imaged him kissing me. Caressing my skin as he would pepper soft butterfly kisses across my skin, igniting every fibre of my being. My pulse was racing at the mere thought of it. Hell did I miss that. I must have let out a sigh loud enough to wake him up, because when I opened my eyes again, his blue peepers were looking back at me.

We both just watched each other, I wanted to tear my gaze from his but I just couldn't. My cheeks just coloured up as usual and a sly smirk appeared on his face. I found myself smiling back at him and the next thing I knew, those perfect lips of his were pressed against my own.

........

"Kimi... " I breathed out after we parted. I looked back into his eyes and without another word, I was hoisted up onto him, straddling his hips as he pulled me down to kiss him again. His hands planted firmly on my back, holding me against him as I pressed my lips to his once more. It was almost like I needed him to breathe, to keep me alive as I clung onto his shirt, desperate kisses fell from my mouth to his, as if we were making up for all those we'd lost.

His hand I felt move into my hair, cupping the back of my head as his other traveled to the bottom of my hoodie, and up inside it. The touch of his rough hand on my bare skin sparked that electricity that had never left us. It drove me to tighten my grip on his shirt and pull him up so he was sat facing me as I stayed sitting on his lap. I wasted no time in popping open the buttons of his denim wrangler shirt, tugging it off his toned form and discarding it somewhere in the room. Our lips had yet to part, but that familiar feeling of a hard bulge underneath me had my lips smiling and I pulled away slightly.

His hands were sitting on the curve of my bum and mine where cupping his jaw as our foreheads met in the first tender touch of this moment. I was smiling as my eyes closed, just taking in our actions. Knowing this couldn't go anything further, yet I felt I was on cloud 9. "Bella" he whispered softly to me, lifting his head up to look into my eyes. Insecure thoughts flashed through my head once more, but when I looked into his eyes, I saw that look he always gave me. "Olen ollut ympäri maailmaa ilman sinua, mutta en ole valmis tekemään sitä uudelleen" he whispered, making me smile, "in English Raikkonen" I giggled, causing him to chuckle at my much used phrase. He thought for a moment and chose instead to place a soft kiss onto my mouth. Whatever it was he had said didn't seem to matter right now. I was where I needed to be.

Translation: "I have been around the world without you and I am not willing to do it again."