Second Chances

Flashback

Flashback to November 2015...

KIMI'S POV

After the race at Silverstone, Bella moved out of our room. It was hard. I stayed in the living area whilst she collected her things. I never did this with Jenni. I was at my other house in Finland when she moved out of our main home. I sighed. The home that I intended to share with Bella. Now this was over too. Yet this seemed so much harder.

She pulled her case, purse and two bags along with her, the two holdalls on her shoulders. I would have offered to help but I knew she would refuse after the crash, so I stayed on the couch. I heard her sniff as she made her way to the door. I looked over at her, trying my best to hold back the tears, keep my Iceman face on. I needed to. If I cracked then I would come falling down. I had to let her go. She was stood at the door, looking back at me. Those shining green eyes of hers now dull. Lifeless. Sad. It hurt me to see her this way. It was never the Bella I saw. "I...I guess I'll see you in Hungary" She stammered. I could see the tears building up, she was hurting as much as I, that was plain to see. I chose not to say anything more to her, but I nodded and then she left the room.

I was left alone. For what felt like the first time in months, years maybe. Since just before Bella started working with me. Since then I never felt alone. She was always with me, by my side or close by anyway. Things were never going to be the same again, and I couldn't help but wonder how we were going to work through this and set aside our feelings. I wasn't sure I was strong enough.

............

Then it got worse as the months passed by. People knew something had happened, no matter how we both tried to hide it. Neither of us smiled, well that was only noticeable with Bella. Of course I didn't smile much anyway. But everyone knew we had parted. Bella was ever the professional, doing everything she had to, and more to fulfill her job. And I still tried my best to give her everything she asked of me. Which I noticed wasn't as much anymore. We began to spend less and less time together, even in interviews she would hand me a Dictaphone to record the session and they she'd listen to it back in her room at the end of the day. Even breakfast times she would stay in her room or eat before I got to the paddock.

The media office was now a no go area too. Not that it ever was unless Bella was in there. I soon went back to the old me, turning up as late as possible, and leaving early if Bella had nothing for me to do. I hadn't realized I had changed so much. Not that it mattered. I changed for her. I wanted to be with her that much. It scared me looking back, but I knew my feelings for her were that strong. They still were. And that is why one of us needed to leave. And before I even had chance to hand in my resignation to the team, I had heard that Bella had done it instead.

That hurt more than anything. I may have lost her, but I was ready to give up my drive for her to stay here. She loved this job, and so did I, but I had plenty of other things to take up my time. I was ready to leave, but she beat me to it.

..........

(after the final race in Abu Dhabi)

The final race was done, and I was pretty pleased with my podium finish. I did the usual post race interview after the champagne and all that shit, and my usual routine was to head to the shower and change before I went and got pissed.

Bella was waiting for me in my private room, which was unexpected. She had a smile on her face that I hadn't seen in a long time. It made me happy. "Congrats Iceman" she said, passing me my drinks bottle. I thanked her, unconsciously pulling her into a hug. I tensed up a little, waiting for her to pull away, but she didn't. She wrapped her arms around my waist. I breathed in the scent of her hair for the briefest of moments before she pulled away. "I'm proud of you" she whispered, looking into my eyes, for what seemed like the first time in months. I smiled at her, losing function of my mouth, but I hoped my eyes told her what I wanted my mouth to say. "go get your shower" she said softly, nodding again, I turned away from her and opened the door. I took one last look at her standing by my helmet before I disappeared behind it.

...................

I hurriedly showered, wrapping a towel around my waist, making my way eagerly back to my room. something felt different about the way she was with me just then, and I wanted to get back to her. Opening the door, I was greeted with an empty room, my heart froze. My eyes searched the vacant space. Nothing. Wait. I noticed a small white folded piece of paper sitting against my empty champagne bottle. I practically ran to it.

Dear Kimi,

I'm sorry to leave you this way, but I don't think I could do it otherwise. Saying goodbye to you has never been easy, I hate it when you're not by my side, or there to call whenever I wanted to talk to you. But I guess that's something I'm going to have to get used to.

I have loved every second of working with you, we've shared some awesome times together and I hoped that it would continue until you were too old ;) But I guess we don't always get our happy ending. I would never change a moment of our relationship. You made me so happy. I guess you still do. But I suppose right now isn't the right time for us. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for breaking your heart like I thought you may do mine. I was totally wrong. But as I write this, know that my heart is already in a million pieces and I don't think it will ever properly mend. You are an amazing man Kimi Mattias Raikkonen and you will always have my heart.

forever yours

Bella x

Anger washed over me, and I found myself hurling the over sized champagne bottle across the room, hearing it smash against the wall. Not too long after, the door to my room flew open, Antonio and Seb came rushing in, stopping when they caught me in tears. "she's fucking left"