Of Illnesses And Antidotes

Chapter Eighteen

Rapping on the mahogany door with my knuckle, I take a step back and count. I get to six when the handle begins to turn. The door opens on seven and a familiar face appears at eight. She smiles on nine and I return the smile on ten.

"Naomi, this is a surprise." Doctor Warren beckons me in. "Come, come sit down."

"Thank you." Heading inside, I cross the room and take a seat on the reclining chair.

"You're not after another injection, are you?" Doctor Warren raises an eyebrow, eyeing me curiously.

I shake my head. "Definitely not."

"Then what's the problem? I don't usually receive visits from subjects that don't relate to me stabbing needles into their arms." Doctor Warren gives me a wry smile.

"Don't you enjoy it?"

She shrugs. "It has its ups and its downs." Sitting down in her chair, she folds her arms. "So, why are you here?"

"I came because... well, I was wondering about the... grieving."

Doctor Warren nods her head slowly. "Okay. Is there anything particular you want to speak to me about?"

"I don't think I know how to grieve."

A smile plays at her lips and she lets out a light chuckle. "What do you mean by that? Everyone knows how to grieve."

"Yes, but you said I'd feel upset. I don't feel sad or upset or miserable or anything like that."

"So what do you feel?"

I shrug. "The same, I guess. It's just strange without her. Very strange."

"Well, it's like I said to you yesterday: everyone is different, which means everyone grieves differently. Some people can be very emotional and could cry non-stop for hours and hours. Others keep their emotions locked up inside them and can seem rather withdrawn and quiet instead of sad and weepy. As a doctor, I've studied the emotions and personalities of hundreds of people, and I can tell you, that no two people act in the same way."

"So, it's completely normal for me to be feeling like this?"

"I assure you, you have nothing to worry about."

I stay silent for a few moments. "When do people stop grieving?"

"That depends on the person. If you're a very emotional and sensitive person, you could be grieving for weeks, months, years even. However, if you can control your emotions fairly well and move on pretty quickly, you could be fine in days. Generally, those sorts of people have been regularly exposed to tragedy and trauma throughout their life so they're used to dealing with pain."

"What if you don't feel pain?"

"Well, we have a special name for people like that."

"What's that?"

"Sociopaths."

"Am I a sociopath?" My voice quavers, my heart pounding.

Doctor Warren laughs. "Gosh, no, you are definitely not a sociopath. Don't even think of yourself as being one. Sociopaths are people who have an antisocial personality disorder. They struggle to feel empathy and can be very dangerous, something that I would never associate with you."

"Oh, okay, that's good." I breathe a sigh of relief.

Doctor Warren shakes her head at me, smiling. "You may not be a sociopath, Naomi, but you're starting to act like a hypochondriac."