Surviving Cancer

Wednesday, November 22

"Stop." Jared said. "Look at me."

I slowly lifted my eyes to meet his. I knew how I looked. I was thin, bald, and pale. I had an oxygen tube wrapped around my face, my clothes were baggy and I had that stupid gray beanie on my head. I knew it wasn't an attractive look. But I also knew there was nothing I could do to prevent it. And that I shouldn't be ashamed. Yet I couldn't stop myself from feeling like I should.

"You are beautiful."

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"I see you finally decided you wanted to fit in." Walter said as he sat down in a chair at chemo.

I was the first one there, already receiving fluids and some medication. I smiled as he pointed to his head.

"It just looked so good on you, I thought I'd give it a try." I joked back.

Walter smiled, his dentures dropping in his mouth. He mumbled something to the nurse before she left us alone.

"You seem in high spirits. Been checking things off that ole bucket list?" Walter asked.

Our attention shifted to the doors as Jonah came through. He took a seat in a chair, the nurse going through the same process.

"I have exciting news." Jonah said before the nurse was even done.

He had a wide smile on his face and an unusual amount of energy.

"Well out with it. We aren't getting any younger." Walter mumbled, as the nurse finished and left.

I smiled, I had grown use to Walter's snarky remarks. He wasn't a snarky, impatient old man even though he tried to act like it. He was so patient and underneath the sass there was always a smile waiting to crack through.

"Alicia and I set a date! You're both invited obviously. It's soon like two weeks. December 9th to be exact." Jonah rattled off. "God I can't believe it."

I was happy for Jonah and Alicia. I was glad that he had listened to his own advice. That he'd be able to check something off his list. But I still couldn't keep that pang of jealous from hitting me. I wanted more time.

"It's going to be small but it'll be perfect." Jonah added after we congratulated him. "Who's going to be your date?"

Jonah flipped the conversation so fast I was left staring blankly at him as he waited for me to answer.

"Let's hope it's not that boy with the hippie name." Walter said. "What was it again?"

I shook my head, laughing a little. "It's Skylar and it's not a hippie name. But no Skylar won't be my date."

"Finally cut him loose, good for you." Walter nodded his head approvingly.

I hadn't told Jonah or Walter exactly everything about Skylar. They just knew him as the boyfriend who always had an excuse not to be there.

"So who's it going to be then?" Jonah asked.

"You guys are worse then a bunch of housewives with nothing better to do then gossip." I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I scolded them.

Jonah shrugged, "What else are we supposed to do?"

He was right. We could read, or take a nap, or talk. I didn't have to ask to know that they felt the same way as I did. It was nice to have someone to talk to that understood on the same level. Even though our age gaps were enormous, I felt closer to Jonah and Walter than I did Levi at times.

"I'll probably ask Jared." I finally said. "Or my brother."

"Jared's the one." Walter stated. "I want to meet him. I got a good feeling about him."