Dear Maria, Count Me In

Chapter Four

"Don't worry!" he tells me, holding up a wad of cash. "I'm a customer!" he finishes. Twenties. Not bad. But a part of me doesn't want to do this.

"I can't take your money,"

"Why not?"

"Because," I say.

"That's not an answer,"

"Why are you here?"

"Jack seemed to think I was out of line, in the interview. Actually, everyone thought that. I don't know if you saw it,"

"I did,"

"Well? Was I? Was I out of line?"

"That depends,"

"On?"

"Are you ashamed of me?" I ask, sitting down on the ret velvet sofa. Alex sits down beside me, placing a hand on my bare knee.

"What?" he asks, I can't read the expression on his face. It's a mix of surprise, sadness and honesty.

"Are you? I mean, you didn't want to talk about me, at all. Which I understand for privacy reasons, if that's why you didn't. But the way you spoke about me when you did... You seemed uncomfortable. Then when you were asked about what I did, you got agitated. Jack answered for you!"

"I'm not... Ashamed..."

"Really? Because, since the night we first met - when you told me that my job didn't freak you out - we've never spoken about my work. Or when it was brought up at all, you brushed it off. When you introduced me to your friends, you don't tell them that I'm a stripper. Jack only knew because I told him. Rian and Zack only knew because Jack told them. Why didn't you tell them?"

"I didn't know if you were-"

"Don't put this on me. You know that I'm not embarrassed by my job. But I want to know if you are. I've been screwed over a lot, Alex. I'm not going to waste my time if you are ashamed of me. If you are, I promise, no hard feelings. I'll let you walk away and I'll never say one word against you. I want to know, now,"

"I... I'm still getting used to it. Us. I've been screwed over a lot too. You know about Meg," he says. I do. Meg, the subject of his songs, Vegas and Remembering Sunday, is Alex's ex girlfriend. On a road trip to Vegas, Alex had proposed to her and they had almost gotten married. Just like us. It would have been in the same chapel, too. That was how he found it so easily. He was head over heels for Meg and loved her more than she loved him. Eventually, it all got too much for her and she ran away. He woke up one morning, knowing that he needed to ask her to marry him again and he'd ran to her house only to find she'd packed all her bags and gone. She left a note - she wasn't coming back, she was mixed up and that she wanted him to move on. It took him a while, but he did it. By returning to Vegas and finding me.

"Yes. I do know about Meg. But I wouldn't if it weren't for Jack," I reply. "If he hadn't told me, would you have?"

"I don't know,"

"I'm not Meg, Alex,"

"I know-"

"If you're still in love with her then what are we doing? Why didn't I see this before? You can't replace her with me. I'll never be perfect to you, because I'll never be her,"

"I don't want to replace her with you. I just want you! You are perfect, okay? You're perfect for me," he says, reaching out to brush my fringe out of my eyes.

"How can you say that when you can't even talk about my dancing! You didn't have to say 'stripper'. You could have said 'dancer', like Jack did. You could have made an effort to talk about me. You could have made an effort to actually sound happy when you did talk about me!"

"I'm sorry, okay! It's just I know how the press are when it comes to stuff like this,"

"Don't try to say you were protecting me!"

"Okay, okay. I'm not ashamed, but your being a stripper is going to take a little getting used to for me. That's what tonight was about,"

"Can you get past it? Because my family can't and now my own little sister has to sneak out to see me. I don't want to get close to you only to have you tell me that you can't handle it and leave,"

"I can handle it. If you can handle me being a musician,"

"You know I can,"

"You haven't seen anything yet," he says, laughing slightly. "But alright. We'll see who cracks first-"

"Who cracks first?!" I repeat, raising my voice. I'm furious that he could begin an official relationship with me for some type of bet.

"Sorry. That didn't come out right. I just meant that what you've seen so far with me doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how crazy my lifestyle can be. I'm not saying that I think your life is simple, or anything. But you can't prepare yourself for how you'll be treated if we become official. Because I can't even tell you how you'll be treated if we become official. Fans are crazy, but they're the least of our worries. The fans genuinely care. There are reporters who will take the lightest comment and twist it into something spiteful, there are haters... It's messed up. I don't know if you can handle it. Sometimes, even we can't. So I wont blame you if you don't want to be my girlfriend,"

"I do want to be your girlfriend, Alex. It's just-"

"It's just what, Maria?"

"I don't want to have to lie about who I am so you don't look bad,"

"You wont,"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise," he tells me.

"Okay,"

"Okay?"

"I'll be your girlfriend," I say, barely able to finish before his soft lips press against mine, his stubble scratching at my face. One of his hands is on the back of my neck, pulling me into him and the other is on my waist, fumbling with the tie of my robe.