Paglaya (a Joshua Sinclair Fanfiction)

Paglaya

This story is inspired by @uaaponeshots / mamamhai's, The Sacrifice

Ika-2 ng Marso ng ika'y aking muling nakapiling. Pinipilit na ngumiti kahit na ramdam padin ang sakit.

"I do not want to see that smile fade, love." You would often say kaya lagi ko yun tinatandaan.

Missing you comes in crashing waves
That break, unlike our long goodbye
I remember that day like grains
Of soft sand that time never saves
Months pass in a blink of an eye

Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako habang umu-upo sa may harapan mo. Tumulo ang aking mga luha habang iniisip kung ano nga bang magandang ikuwento saiyo. Nagmadali rin akong punasan ang mga luhang iyon dahil alam kong ayaw mo akong nakikitang malungkot.

Binaba ang bagong pitas na Sunflower saiyong tabi. Sabi mo nga, sunflower dahil nagbibigay ito ng positibong epekto saatin kaya this flower became our favorite.

"Ang dami nang nangyari, love. Hindi parin ako makapaniwala eh." I said with a sigh and smiled bitterly.

I saw some fresh rose and a few lit candles

"Dumaan na ata dito ang mga kaibigan and parents mo pero sayang hindi ko sila naabutan. Here, I also brought you your favorite dewberry blueberry cheesecake."

Katahimikan. Katahimikan ang pumapalibot saakin. Tanging mga insektong nasa tabi tabi lamang ang aking naririnig habang nakatanaw sa papalubog na araw. Damn, we both loved watching the sunset everytime that we were together.

Evidence you've been here before
I bury deep to keep me sane
But your water reaches the shore
And pulls the proof back out for more
As I lose to your tide again

Walang araw na dumaan na hindi kita naiisip. Lagi kong naaalala yung mga panahon na pupuntahan mo pa ako sa Espanya kahit kakatapos mo lang sa training para makita lang ako at sabay tayong umuwi. Miss ko nang makitang bumubungad sa umaga ko ang mga mensahe mong nakakapag buo ng araw at ang mga mensaheng gustong gusto kong mabasa bago ako matulog tuwing gabi. Ang mga panahon na susulatan mo ako ng mga tula at istorya. Mga panahong lagi nalang akong magugulat kasi may mga hand written letters na galing saiyo saaking bag tuwing tayo'y magkasama.

Mga araw na tayo'y masaya lamang sa piling ng isa't isa habang nanonood ng mga pelikula, anime, o mapa NBA man yan na iyong mga paborito.

Mga araw na naglalaro lamang tayo ng mga paborito mong video games o maglalakad lakad sa kahabaan ng Sampaloc para sa Pokémon go.

I would always pick those moments and just listen and stare at you when you happily talk about random things or even how you love LeBron.

Mga araw na sasamahan kita at susuportahan sa mga laro mo.

Mga araw na pagkakataon mo naman na suportahan ako sa mga gusto ko.

Mga araw na inilalaan nating magkasama para sa pag abot ng ating mga pangarap.

Miss na miss na kita, Joshua.

It is not easier in time
Thoughts of you are farther apart
But hurt more the higher the climb
Is climbing up the shore a crime
If the ocean still has my heart?

God knows how I am really trying hard to cope up with everything. How I wish that I can turn back the time. It has been years. 2 years, mahal, at masakit parin. Pasensya na at sa loob ng apat na taon na yun hindi ko parin magawang pakawalan ang alaala mo at ang sarili ko. Sorry if I am still blaming my self even if the people who matters to us tells me not to. I can't help it.

"Love, your friends from Australia sent me these nga pala muntik ko na malimutan. They told me that they will visit you sa bakasyon nila." I placed the posters beside the candles.

"Alex and Myks are engaged, I am really happy for them, love. How we wish that you are here to celebrate with them. JLC and Shaun are also making their own names na sa PBA. Manny decided to just invest and not to pursue the pro league. I know that you're also happy for your friends."

"I brought us take away from pepper lunch, I know you'll like it." I ate the food as I continued telling stories to him. "I finally finished my remaining articles for One Sports and passed my resignation. I pursued one of my dreams, Josh. I am flying in a few months. I am now a flight stewardess. I promise to conquer the world for you." Finally, after quite a while, I showed my real smile.

"A lot has changed ever since that day. Wag kang mag alala, makakaya ko, makakaya namin. Alam ko rin naman na masaya ka na kung nasaan ka man ngayon."

"I have to go, love. I promise to not be a coward and visit you often. I have to go na muna ngayon. I will make you proud and happy and I will finally fix my self and accept."

Can't escape the waves of the sea
Until now it's hard to perceive
A day the waves will let me free
The waves they crash in memory
Of when you left, but didn't leave

I stood up and went near his tombstone. My fingers traced the gold letters that formed his name - JOSHUA SINCLAIR. I kissed his tomb as I bid my good night and went to my car.

My thoughts are diverted when I felt that my phone vibrated. An article memory notification from 2 years ago,
Batang Gilas star and NU Bulldog's Joshua Sinclair was shot dead after taking the bullet for his girlfriend. Police found out that It was a mistaken identity while interrogating the gun man.

I can't help but to feel those hot tears again. I glanced at his peaceful place before putting my keys and whispered, "Maligayang kaarawan, Josh. Mahal na mahal kita, hindi magbabago yun. You'll always have a special place in my heart. It's time to finally let you go. Maraming salamat for sacrificing for me. Ikaw parin ang pipiliin, sa susunod na habang buhay."

𓅃𓅃𓅃

Hola! Kumusta kayo? I don't even know if someone will read this story.
Ang tagal ng nasa draft ng istoryang ito. This story was supposed to be a bday/christmas gift for Josh 3 years ago. Ngayon ko lang naisipang i-publish and tapusin kasi napakarami kong feels ngayon pero wala paring nagbago, napaka-corni at waley ko parin sumulat, pasensya. lol

I miss the UAAP, I miss the community.

The underlined and italicized centered parts are written by Joshua Sinclair himself. It is a poem entitled It comes in waves. (No copyright infringement intended) You should check out his blog at thesinclairblog.wordpress.com
I am also pressured to publish this story because Josh is a good writer hahaha.

Hey, Josh! If ever you stumbled into this one shot one day lol (It was weird finishing this because you just replied to my message HAHAHA),
always remember that you are appreciated and loved. thank you for appreciating me as well. I can't wait to see you living the life and for the moment that you finally reach your goals, may it be with basketball, writing, or other things. I gotchu!

Keep safe and wash your hands, guys! At kapag umabot ka sa parteng ito, maraming maraming salamat sa pagbabasa.

Isang mahigpit na yakap ♡,
Aine