Coming Home (#Wattys 2017)

3; Again

"How the hell are we going to tell Billie?"

Harrison tightened his arms around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. They would leave in a week for some top secret mission that even their own daughter wasn't allowed to know about. That didn't help the matter. When they were sent to Iraq, Billie constantly asked them what they did over there. Usually it was fight Al-Qaeda resistance, or some special operations mission that wasn't conducted by the regular army.

By now Billie was looking over her shoulder at her parents. "Just how are we going to tell her?"

Harrison shook his head. "I don't know sweetheart. I told her we wouldn't leave again."

"That was before we found out about this?"

"Yes."

She sighed deeply. "I'm not worried about us not making it back. We're part of the most elite task force in the world. The thing is, we're missing so much of her childhood. This is when she needs us."

"I know Carrie."

"And that's why we didn't go back unless it was an absolute necessity. We settled down to have her."

Carrie pressed her face into his chest. The hardest thing for Billie was not being old enough to understand what war was, or what the war on terror was, and even what her parents had to do over there. She would only think that her parents were leaving, and there was no set time they would return.

"Mommy!"

The fishing pole was lying on the dock as Billie made her way over to where her parents stood.

Harrison held his wife's head in his hands. "We gotta be strong for B okay?"

"Okay."

"Mommy? Daddy?"

Harrison let go of Carrie as they turned to face their daughter. "Hey B."

"What are you and mommy talking about?"

He looked at Carrie, unsure if he should tell her now. But Carrie shook her head no. 'Later' she mouthed to him.

"Daddy?"

"Mommy and I were talking about taking you to a movie later. Would you want to go?"

"Yeah daddy!"

"Alright, but now do you want to catch another big fish to show mommy."

Billie nodded, grabbed her daddy's hand, and pulled him back onto the dock where she casted the pole herself this time. Not long after, she reeled in a 5 pound bass all by herself.

"Nice job B!"

"Thanks mommy!" She held up the heavy fish all by herself for another picture. "This fishy is really heavy."

"Harrison, get in the picture with her."

He did as told, squatting down next to Billie and putting his arm around her as they smiled for another picture. "Daddy, the fishy isn't getting any lighter."

Harrison and Carrie both laughed. "Mommy and daddy that's not funny."

Billie knelt down on the dock with her daddy's help and gently set the fish down in the water. As it swam away, it splashed her. "Ew that's gross."

"That's the fishy's way of saying goodbye."

"Really daddy?"

"No," he answered with a smile.

✎✎✎

Later that afternoon, the three went to see a movie. Throughout the entire movie, Harrison and Carrie kept glancing over Billie at each other, having silent conversations.

"We can't do this to her anymore," Carrie whispered to her husband.

"I know Carrie. But there's nothing we can do," he whispered back.

At the end of the movie, as the main character left the others, Harrison couldn't help but think about what he and Carrie would be doing to their daughter very soon. Leaving again.

He rested the back of his hand on the armrest between his seat and Billie's. Once she noticed her daddy's hand, Billie placed her small hand in his, smiling as his fingers curled around hers.

The next three days were very difficult for the three of them. Harrison and Carrie couldn't stop trying to figure out how to tell her. And she began to notice her parents constant worrying. But when she asked them what was going on, they would always respond with, "nothing B."

✎✎✎

Four days before they would have to leave, Harrison and Carrie sat down with Billie to tell her. They sat on the floor with their backs against the couch as Billie rounded the corner carrying one of her favorite dolls. The smile instantly faded away as she saw her mom with a single tear streaming down her cheek.

"Mommy?"

"Come her B."

Billie dropped her doll and ran over to sit in her mommy's lap. "Mommy, what's wrong?"

Carrie didn't know if she would be able to get it all out. Harrison put an arm around her. "Do you want me to tell her?" He asked quietly.

"No, I can do it."

"Tell me what daddy?"

"B." Her attention was turned back to her mother who was now crying harder. Seeing her mommy crying, Billie leaned her head against her mommy's chest and hugged her.

"Mommy?"

"Billie."

"Yeah mommy?"

Carrie took a deep breath. "B, I'm sorry," she sobbed. "But daddy and I are going overseas again."

Little Billie looked at her daddy who wiped away a few tears. "But daddy said you weren't leaving me again."

"B, we got called back."

She sat up, looking at both her parents. "Don't go. Mommy and daddy don't go."

When neither of her parents answered, she jumped off Carrie's lap and ran back to her doll.

"Billie!"

Carrie's heart tore itself to pieces when Billie turned back around to face them. She was crying. "But daddy said you weren't going to leave again."

She crawled over to her daughter, followed by Harrison. They both then scooped Billie up in their arms. "You promised," she told them.

"I know Billie. But we have to go. As much as I, your daddy, or you hate it, we have to go."

"Why?"

"Because it's our job and our duty."

"You're going to leave."

Carrie collapsed her head against Harrison's shoulder. "We don't want too B," he told her.

"Are you and mommy going to die?"

Harrison shook his head no. "Your mommy and I are real tough. We're going to get our job done and come home okay?"

"Okay daddy."

Billie crawled closer to who parents who held her tightly for a long time before letting her go.