At Your Side (A Dragon Age fanfiction)

Year Three: Acceptance

"This has come together nicely," Aveline said. She leaned back, lounging on Hawke's newly acquired garden bench, looking around at the flourishing plants.

Hawke looked up from the middle of the strawberry bed. "It has, hasn't it?" she agreed. She tossed her friend a plump strawberry. "Fortunately for me, Sandal has a green thumb. Merrill and Anders have helped, too. And the other day I saw Varric pull a weed."

"You did not," Aveline scoffed.

"No, really. He checked to make sure no one was looking first. But you, on the other hand ..." Hawke sat back on her heels, pulling off her gardening gloves. "You're making an unusual appearance in my garden."

"I'm not the domestic type," Aveline said stiffly. "Wesley was. He did all the ... housewifery."

Hawke smiled gently at her friend. Aveline mentioned Wesley more often these days. Hawke took this as a sign that the other woman's grief was growing more bearable with time and she was able to think of her late husband with greater ease. "So what's on your mind, Aveline?"

The red-head sighed. "Hawke, it has to stop. I'm telling you this as a friend."

"I know, Aveline. I know." Hawke tugged at a dead strawberry vine, pulling it free. "I've only written two letters in the past year. One on Bethany's birthday, one on the second anniversary of the day they took her. I just ... I miss my sister!"

"I miss her, too." The guard captain looked sympathetically at her friend. "But—" She bit off what she was going to say, looking doubtful.

"But what? You've never pussy-footed around a subject before," Hawke said.

"Has it occurred to you that you're using your sister as an excuse to keep from living your life?"

"You mean the same way you're using being guard captain?" Hawke shot back. The two women stared at each other, unbudging, for a long moment.

"It isn't the same," Aveline said at last. "Being guard captain is my life, at least for now. But you're hiding. You haven't taken a job in months, you've left the work on the mansion for your mother to do—"

"She needed something to keep her mind off of Bethany. Besides, she wanted everything just the way it was when she grew up here. Lucky me," Hawke said, making a face.

"My point stands," Aveline said firmly. "You're hiding in this mansion, in this garden, and it's not healthy. It's time for you to start thinking about what you want out of your life, for a change."

"I know you're right. Varric said the same thing, asked me what I planned to do now, and I couldn't answer him." Hawke sighed. "It's become increasingly clear that Bethany's actually happy in the Gallows. I think she's met someone, unbelievably enough. She doesn't want to leave. But ever since Bethany and Carver were born, protecting them has been my role. Bethany was always so delicate, and Carver so reckless. Without them both ... I'm at a loss. Who am I without a battle to fight?"

"The Guard is always looking for skilled people."

"Me? A guard? Are you crazy?" Hawke stared at her friend in surprise before recognizing the twinkle in Aveline's green eyes. She relaxed, grinning. "I should have known you wouldn't let me sully your precious guard."

"Well, you didn't hear this from me," Aveline said, "but Kirkwall was a safer place when you were a Lowtown soldier of fortune than it is now that you're a Hightown noble. You did good work out there, helped a lot of people."