39 Days

Sparks

Today is an odd day for me. These days happen often. I don't think of anything, it's just black. I don't think at all. I lay there, my eyes are shut though and very heavy, I can't seem to open them right now. I'm thankful I can hear. It's blissful. I don't hear beeps, just quiet peace for now.

Right now it's silent, and that's peace enough for me. I think too much and it gets me worked up.

Wait.

I hear crying, I know those familiar sniffles.
It's Ian.
I want to see him, but my eyes won't open. I feel a warmth next to me though. It must be him.

Ian never showed much emotion. He always put up a wall, he wanted to be the tough guy even though he was a true softy. So this whole crying thing was new to me, I didn't like it.

From all of this oddness that's been happening, I can't even gather a sense of what's happening. 

Next thing I know, I hear beeps again. I fall asleep slowly, dazing out of focus on the noises I might hear. It sounds like a musical mess of chatter, but I go into my sleep before I can pick any words out.

The sleep is peaceful, and I'm hoping I dream about something good again. Everything I've been 'dreaming' is stuff that's already happened before, nothing new, but I'm not mad about that. As long as I'm not living in a nightmare constantly I think I can handle this, whatever it is. I hope I can get through it, well, I know I will. This just must be some weird dream that seems like it's going on forever, but who knows. 

I just hope that I'm not sick or something like my mom was, I never really knew what she was sick with but it was something I hated to see her go through. She was mostly bedridden and all I could do was hope it would go away so we could go to normal mom and daughter things like we used to do all the time.

My mom was always hopeful, she also kept me hopeful.

So I guess for now, I'll just be hopeful.