Sincerely, Audrey

Dear Aiden

Dear Aiden,

Ten years of friendship. Ten years of feeling like I had a home. A family..

You grew up. You enlisted in the military before even graduating school. You broke my heart but filled it with so much joy and happiness.
But most of all.. you left.

When you left so did my family. Yes, I had your family. But they were never really my  family. Not like you were.

They would be there for me. Say they would listen. Pretend they cared. But the thing is, they would never stop. They would never stop what they were doing. Washing dishes, washing clothes, watching the television. I was like a fruit fly in a house in the middle of summer. It was as if I was a nuisance..

But you.. you, my dear Aiden, you would sit and listen. Really listen to me. You would stop whatever you were doing and sit with me and watch me. Look at me. I could tell I mattered.

Then one day you told me with a smile on your face as wide as a football field you found your purpose.

I was proud. I am proud. But I cannot lie when I say it broke my heart to lose my home.

I tried to be strong. You could see in my face that I was disgruntled with your news that day. You tried to tell me that everything would be okay and that nothing, not a single thing would change.

Well.. can you tell me today what you told me two years ago? That nothing would change? That my best friend, my home, the only family I have ever known was still going to be there like you were during school. During my whole life.

I do not think you can..

Weeks passed and they felt like days. This was before you left for boot camp. We were still us. Still best friends. Still there for each other. And then, you left for boot camp.

We continued for a while like we always had. But then days felt like weeks. We started talking less and less and eventually we weren't able to talk.

Once you got out of boot camp you contacted me. Said you could not talk to me during boot camp. I forgave you.

But then you did not come home. You did not come back for my leaving to go to college. University of Florida. You promised to be there. But you weren't.

How could I forgive that? Well I did because that's what friends do.

Only we weren't really friends then were we? You had new friends, ones in the military like you that you could always see and talk to. You even fell in love. I cannot be mad at that. I was ecstatic for you.

Months passed and soon I found it hard to remember what you looked like. What you sounded like. What your hugs and comfort felt like. What home felt like.

You were someone else's home. And they were yours. You sent me an invite to your wedding. It happened so quick. But I guess that's what being in love is. You just know.

But did you know that my little sister got cancer? And that I had to take care of her?

Did you wish me merry Christmas or a happy birthday? Well I did. I wrote you every month. And I only got a letter every three months. Once a season. Four letters. That's all I got.

And then you were deployed. And you never came home. So no, I cannot forgive you. I hate that you left me with only ten years of friendship and two of those years we hardly talked.

And now I'm here at your funeral trying to figure out what to say. How could I say everything you meant to me? How could anyone? I can't.

I love you, and you will forever be my best friend. You will always be my home. My heart is with you and your spirit is with me. Ten years isn't enough for me. But I'm more proud of you now, these past two years, then I have ever been of anyone. You emulate what I wish I could be. What I want to become.

I love you, Aiden.

Sincerely, Audrey.