Influenced

1: Reflection

Song: Losin Control - Russ

The night is cold, and of course it is. It is the
middle of winter in Chicago, Illinois. So yes, obviously it is freezing outside. The stars hide behind a blanket of snow clouds covering the entire sky. The light pollution from the city makes the sky glow an ugly gray color, giving me a weird and unknown nostalgic feeling that I can't shake. I stick my hands in my pocket because the thin gloves I'm wearing aren't doing a great job at conserving my body heat. The wind blasts against my face making my eyes water and my lips dry out. I walk down the dark, quiet street and catch my reflection in the window of a closed bakery.

My ratty hair is long, longer than I ever intended it to be, but over time I guess I've neglected to cut it. That's not the only thing I've lost track of it seems. I run my hands through the curls which are nearly to my shoulders, and the knots catch my fingers. The hair falls out a little too easily when I yank my hands through it. My nose is running again and I don't intend on wiping it, it would just begin to drip again in a minute. My eyes look dead and grey, even though I remember them once to be a nice green color. The pupils that sit in the middle of them are small and beady, making even me uncomfortable, and the circles around them didn't help either. I don't recognize myself anymore. Who have I become?

I huff air out of my mouth and the warm feeling of my breath hits my chapped lips; I look at my reflection in disappointment one last time and continue walking. The snow on the ground is brown and slushy, splattering icy puddles along the dirty sidewalk. I walk around them as carefully as I could, trying to avoid a fall. Cigarettes litter the puddles and leave behind an ashy smell mixed with tobacco. It's the smell of the city I suppose. Out of nowhere fast footsteps come from behind me, making me anxiously pick at my nails, "Harry!" someone yells. My head pivots around and I see my "friend" Wright running towards me. As he comes closer I see his face is gaunt, if not more than my own. "Hey man," I say somewhat uncomfortably. "Hi," he mumbles into his scarf, walking alongside me.

His nose and eyes seem larger on his face, and it's obvious he has been doing it more. He's lost so much weight in his face that all of his features that used to be somewhat normal now seem completely unnatural. I've known Wright since I was a little kid, we used to be next-door neighbors actually. I guess you could say he was kind of like an older sibling to me, but he was never really that great of a friend. In the beginning my mother actually forced me to play with him because he never had that many friends. Wright made just about everyone slightly uncomfortable. He was constantly saying or doing something questionable whether it be a small offense or a larger one, but I'd rather not get into that right now.

As I'm deep in my thoughts of the past I hear a noise, and I look over and see that Wright is speaking to me. It's been getting harder and harder to focus lately. I nod my head as if I were listening and he continues to talk, "So man, wanna go?" I feel bad but I have no idea what he was talking about. "Uh, where to again?" I say while attempting a smile by pressing my lips together firmly. "Emily's House." Not again. I really don't want to go, but I have been craving it lately. I nod my head in agreement after a few seconds of an indecisive haze. I've been trying to stop, but I just can't. There is no point really.

Nausea, vomiting, and inexplicable anger have been flooding me these last twenty hours, so maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to go to Emily's. I don't remember the day of the week nor the month; I think it's January, but I can't be too sure. Wright walks silently along side me, obnoxiously kicking his feet through the filthy snow, getting it on my black jeans. "Hey I have to go drop something off at my apartment, but I'll see you there okay?" I look to Wright for a response. He nods and leaves quickly without speaking and I'm alone again, thankfully.

I make my way back to my small apartment and struggle to find my keys once I reach the door. During the struggle I glance upwards and spot a slip of paper taped onto the front of my door which reads, "EVICTION NOTICE," in capital letters. I grab it and set it next to all of the other unpaid bills on the counter once I get inside. When is the last time I went to work again? I might need to do that sometime soon.

It's cold in my apartment, and as always I may have forgotten to pay the heating bill. I don't have the money anyway and I'm never home, so I don't see a problem with it I guess. I wander into my dark bedroom searching for the end table, the light in my room blew a couple of weeks ago. Once I find the end table by bumping into it, I turn on my green lava lamp I got in seventh grade, it provides enough light for me to see where I'm going. Something rubs up against my leg, and for a moment I become frightened, but soon after I hear a quiet mew. "Hey Lucy," I whisper to my little, grey kitten and she mews back in response. I scoop her up and carry her to the bathroom with me.

I set Lucy on the counter and pull cat treats out of my pocket, and yes I really spent some of my last few dollars on treats for my kitten. "Here ya go Lulu," I coo at her, she's the only thing I even care about at this point in my life. I give her a few until she's satisfied and then proceed to get myself ready. I throw my shirt off and examine the tattoos scattered along my torso, I like them, and I like how they make me feel. My eyes trail down my arms and I become instantly ashamed of my sad truth, that being the small, red bumps in the crease of my arm. I rush out of the bathroom to avoid having to look at myself any longer, run to my closet to grab a clean shirt and a belt, and then fill Lucy's food bowl. Soon I'm out of the door and off to Emily's.