Victors Support Group

Year Three- Annie

"I'll carry your world,
And all your hurt."

-Coldplay
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It never gets any easier, being a single mom. More difficult when your son's a mirror image of your late husband. Rowan likes asking me questions about Finnick. First, they were harmless. Then, of course, it escalated to: Why is Daddy not here? I won't tell him the whole story yet. Not for another ten years, probably. He just knows that his father can't return from where he's gone. Finnick wanted his ashes scattered into the ocean, right by Victor's Village, but they never found his body. When the rebellion ended, I sent out lily petals instead. The flowers he used to give me because they were my favorite. After I survived The Hunger Games, he greeted me with them. During my Victory Tour, too. And on our first date. Then, a few years later, when he asked me to be his forever. Somehow, District 13's gardeners managed to put together a lily bouquet for our wedding.

I carry more lilies in my arms today. We've all brought flowers and various tokens, items to lay down. The flowers aren't real, in light of the cold. The memorial is a ring of 74 granite slabs, built outside what used to be the Tribute Center. 74 Hunger Games. In the middle of the circle, there's a 75th slab to honor the fallen victors. Every one of them is listed, not just those who died in the Quarter Quell.  Freedom has a cost, the top reads. Words from that dreadful video we viewed at every reaping.  

"My dear victors," Effie begins solemnly, "today marks the third anniversary of President Snow's fall. It's sort of a celebration of freedom. But it's also a day for remembrance. And... forgiveness. You are all standing here because, sadly, you were forced into taking the lives of others. What I'm about to ask might be a little much. I'd like each of you to say the names of your... your victims and their districts. Then you'll place your tokens by their memorials. Peeta, will you go first?"  

"Sure."

We follow him to the 74th Hunger Games memorial. The names are engraved by district; twenty- two, instead of the usual twenty-three. I can't help realizing that Peeta wouldn't be here if standard rules had applied.

"Mackenzie Lintz, District Eight," he says, placing a flower at the base.

Moving along, he faces the victors' memorial somberly.

"Daniel Bernhardt, District Nine." The man he drowned.

"Brutus Gunner, District Two."

We all watch Enobaria, gauging her reaction. Peeta killed her mentor and fellow tribute. She's never confirmed it, but I have a feeling they were more than friends once. She remains stoic, as though she's trained herself not to show emotions in public.

I wish it could be that simple for me.

"I'll go next," Enobaria says.

She admits to killing the girls from District 5 and District 12, and both tributes from District 1.

We all know about the District 1 boy: Link, the one Enobaria murdered with her teeth. I was really little then. I just remember watching those Games because it gave me nightmares. She'd been trapped, weaponless. Her only Quarter Quell victims are District 8's Cecelia Sanchez, and District 10's Tiffany Waxler.

Only. I'm still thinking like a tribute, aren't I? One is reasonable, Mags would say. Two, maybe. Any more, and you should be questioning your sanity.

Coincidentally, Beetee volunteers after Enobaria; the sole person who has survived a brush with her knives. He places six flowers on the ground for the victims of his electric trap.

Johanna names three victims from her first Games. I'd thought it was a higher number because of her vicious behavior. Guess not.  Then, with a heavy sigh, she revisits the victors shrine and says, "Cashmere Foxworthy, District One." They didn't have much in common at all, I'm sure... but I can't imagine how it would feel to kill somebody I knew.