Things I'll never say out loud

why?

Oh god, how? How did I ever fall in love with someone like you? just me having the thought of you in my mind makes me feel feel so much remorce. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Your freezing pale hands with the constellation like freckles on them that I used to hold in the night time. Your eyes, a rich type of brown like the earths soil that anyone can get lost in easily. And I guess I did. And that's one of the biggest regrets I have to this day. I lost my light because of you. You tore my heart out of my chest and wore it on your sleeve like it was some kind of trophy that you wanted to show off. You thought that was okay to do. You thought that you doing that made me smile. Why did you think that was okay?   How did you not realize that you shattered me? I broke into a million peices and you didn't even know. How did you not know that you broke me? Was crying myself to sleep in the night not a big enough hint for you? I truly was so much more before I met you, man did I ever love myself. Now when I look in the mirror all I see is hate, failure and defeat. I was strong, I was wise, I truly felt as if was on cloud nine before you walked into my life. I had everything I ever wanted right infront of me, everything I ever needed. But you made me question it all. Those parts that I once loved about myself, You stole them from me. You made me feel as if there wasn't anything I could do right. You made me like I was invisible to everyone and everything around me. You made feel desperate for the happiness I had before I met you. I loved you, I really did and honestly I still to this day can't process that fact.
#1