Game Theory × NH

113 | nihonium

A wave of chemistry flowed between us, a force so small that you couldn't see it with the naked eye. But I could feel it. I've experienced that earth shattering stillness before, whenever I would feel the walls closing in on me and all the elements that make up the human body screamed to be let free. Oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, calcium and the others that's necessary to live, just pulling at my heartstrings until they snapped.

But that didn't compare to the crushing feeling of my heart when those words left Lynn's mouth. Whoever said actions speak louder than words has never been silenced by the deafening cry of a small, unexpected goodbye.

"Leaving?"

Lynn didn't say anything. I noticed her chest rising up and down with deep breaths, and I knew she was holding herself back. I knew her mind well enough by now to know that she was holding everything inside for my benefit.

She took a step toward me and I didn't have the energy to move away like I wanted to. Everything was snapping at the seams with every step she took in my direction.

"Coach Sharp," she started to explain. "She came to London to-"

"To bring you back to UCLA," I finished for her with a shake of my head. "Of course she did. Now that you don't have any ties to scouts, she's snatching you back up."

"No, Niall," she snapped, obviously irritated that I wasn't allowing her to finish. "I have to leave by the end of the school year, but it's my choice to go back to California now."

Those words stung. It hurt so much that I actually felt it in my chest. Knowing she was being forced back to California was one thing, but knowing it was her free will was another.

This was all on her. It was her decision to run.

"So you're just going to leave?" I retorted, my hands balling into fists. "You're throwing this away before we even had a chance to begin! I shouldn't be surprised since this is what you always fucking do. We can finally be us without caring who's watching and then you just run away. This is an endless cycle with you, isn't it?"

"I'm not running away!" she yelled just as forcefully. "I've stopped running, why can't you see that this is bigger than just me!"

Seeing the first tear run down her cheek made me soften. Watching her run her fingers through her hair in frustration was a sight I've seen many times during a game, but never because of me. And it made all the built up rage inside me leave like an inflated balloon.

"When are you leaving?" I asked slowly, afraid of the answer.

I watched her carefully. Her blue eyes were bright but full of raw emotion that cut deep into my core. She stood tall and strong, but I've seen Lynn snap more than once to know that the decision to stay or leave left her in despondency greater than anything else before.

She paused and took a breath. "Tonight."

"Tonight!? What the fuck, Lynn? When where you going to tell me?"

"I would have told you sooner but it's not like this is easy to say!"

At the age of twenty-three, I've said goodbyes countless of times, so I knew there was no easy way to execute a goodbye as it is the hardest word to say. So I didn't argue with her.

Eras end, it just happens. Friendships, daily routines, jobs, locations, relationships, lives - anything you're a part of right now is likely to end someday. Maybe temporarily, but possibly forever. Even if we don't want to admit it, we know that we will never be in this exact same spot again.

But no matter how much we wish to stay, life has to go on. Even if I didn't like it.

"So don't say it," I pleaded, my voice hoarse. "Don't leave."