If you develop an eating disorder when you are thin to begin with, you go to the hospital.
If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story.
~ Blythe Baird -"When The Fat Girl Gets Skinny"
Tuesday :
The sun seemed to sizzle, the sound of cicadas somewhere in the distance adding a soundtrack to the heat which could have fried an egg on the sidewalk.
Reaching up I dragged my wrist across my forehead collecting the sweat gathered there before it could drop into my eyes.
Each breath feeling as if it were being sucked through a clogged straw I forced myself to go forehead.
My thighs were rubbing together, chaffing. My shorts were filled with sweat my underwear were soaked, my wet t-shirt clung to my skin as if I were a slab of vacuum sealed meet, the fabric clinging to my flesh, disappearing in between sweaty rolls of skin.
My heart hammering in its cage I turned up my driveway, the incline taking the last of my energy. Seeing spots I pushed open the garage door and falling through it knelt on the cold linoleum to take off my shoes.
"Don?" My Mom's voice rang out, "Is that you?"
She rounded the corner, a laundry basket on one hip and my older sister's baby on the other, "Where have you been? You are two hours late! I had half a mind to call somebody! Why are you all wet?"
"I walked home." I answered.
"Walked home?" That's six miles!"
I shrugged, "I missed the bus."
"How did you miss the bus?It's almost ninety degrees out there!"
"I'm fine."
"You're lucky you didn't pass out."
"I'm fine Mom."
Forcing myself to my feet I faked a smile.
"You stink." She informed me, stepping past me and into the laundry room, "go shower."
Taking a water bottle from the fridge on the way upstairs Shuffled into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me.
I took a hard look at myself in the mirror.
I wished I looked more like the bird like kind eyed blonde woman who had adopted me when I was two. Instead I was the complete opposite, dark skinned, squinty eyed, and fat. Too fat.
Disgusted my reflection I turned on the faucet and began to wash my face. I wanted to play sports, I wanted cool clothes, I wanted to be popular and attractive, I didn't want to be an outsider.
I hadn't missed the bus, i'd elected to walk home, I'd also chosen to throw away my lunch just like I had the day before.
I was sick of being that guy. The fat guy.
