Chapter 1 - bully's and a funeral!
Im not to sure where to start really! I like to believe my problems started in year seven when I moved up to the bug kids school ... Comprehensive. The first few months were great I made new friends and had no worrys in the world.
One day at dinner time I remember playing with my bestie Kelly when a boy from my year walked past and laughed saying I was a fat ginger lesbian.
"Leave her alone rob!" Kelly retorted when she saw the tears sting my eyes. I new my body and hair had changed but that was the first time I'd ever been called fat or ginger!
That's the first time rob ever said anything to me. It got worse throughout the year soon his friends joined in and would phisically push me if I was in there way. Kelly always stood by me and protected me from them. I was still so innocent at the time I'd never been bullied before ive always been the one who got along with everyone.
The bullying carried on until the end of my second year in that school. It got worse each time gthey said things. They had even spat in my face at one point.
Things wernt so peachy back at home either my nanna started getting ill. Some days she didnt even leave her bed. I obviously noticed and tried to prepare myself for the inevitable she was dieing I spent more time with her than anyone soo simply new! She moved to my aunties a week before Easter 2007. I moved back into my parents after I scrubbed her house ready for her return even though in a way I already new she would never see how clean I made it for her. I slept in Kelly's house that Friday night with our other friend Molly at about 2 in the morning I shot out of bed with the feeling that something wasn't right my nanna was dead I dont know how I knew I just did. I woke tbegirlsup and told them my news. They shrugged it off saying it was just a dream so I went back to sleep.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of my mobile ringing it was my mother.
"Mel, Sam wants you to have a look at a dress on eBay with her for her prom so you need to come home."
"Uhhh, NO! I have plans mom I'm meeting Chris in town and were all going shopping and to the cinema it will have to wait!" i knew the real reason she wanted me home I just wasn't ready to deal with it yet. After a lot of arguing she finally managed to convince me to go home for a bit. I walked down the stairs in Kelly's knowing my mother would be here in five minutes. As I reached the bottom step I noticed Kelly's niece crying.
"what's up rach?" I questioned kneeling down next to her and slinging my arm round her shoulder. I looked into her hands and saw I e of the newborn kittens Kelly's cat had recently given birth to laying in Rachael's hand. It was completely still. I comforted her when I realised that was why she was crying and told her the kitten was in a better place now.
I heard a horn beep and new that it was my mom so I left saying goodbye and I'd be back as soon as I could. I got in the car and my mom seemed fine but I could tell it was just a facade. I may not have lived with her but it wasn't to say I didn't know her well enough to know when she was just putting on a brave face.
We pulled up in the drive and I jumped out of the car with my mother following close behind me. I got inside the house and took one look at my dad and in that millisecond I knew all my worries and thoughts were right.
"Mel..." my dad started to say but I didn't want to hear it out loud I just couldn't.
"it's ok I know." I said back with a light laugh. Yes I laughed! I am the worlds worst when it comes to awkward or bad situations they simply make me laugh! So that's what I did.
The heart break in my family's faces was clear the confusion was obviously there to. I was so close to my nanna she was my second mother, my nanna, my best friend and the woman that raised me yet I didn't shed a single tear. It was my way of dealing with it.
"I'll go call your friends and explain what's happened and tell them your not going out." my mom said with a sniffle.
"I'm still going!" I replied adamantly. "I'm not spending my Saturday moping around the house. It's not what she would have wanted. Call the girls and tell them I'll be ten minutes"
I looked at my dad and smiled. He completely broke down. I have only ever seen him cry twice in my life and this was the first.
When my mom came back from phoning the girls I gave my dad a hug and my sister too and dealt with my mom saying "are you sure your ok? You can stay home the girls won't mind?"
"yerp I'm fine let's go" I replied.
The car ride back to Kelly's was completely silent. I felt completely numb inside. When we got there I ran up stairs quickly changed and did my hair (I never wore make up at the time) and we left to meet the guys from school.
We went from shop to shop nosing at random stuff. Everyone except for me Kelly and Molly was oblivious to my nannas death. We went inside a local store and I saw something that reminded me of her. It was a birthday card to be precise the same one I had bought her a few days before ready for her birthday in just under a week. Right there was the first time I broke down and cried. The boys looked at me stupid. With good reason too I was sat on the floor hugging my legs to my chest with my head on my knees in floods of tears and they had no Idea why.
"mel get up whats wrong your being embarrassing." Chris my boyfriend of 6 months whisper yelled at me. I was a pretty good actor at the time and I could make myself cry with a snap of my fingers so that's probably why he was being like this. Well that and he didn't know a thing about what happened this morning.
I picked myself up brushed myself off and ignored the pitty from everyone's faces Chris went to give me a hug but I shrugged him off.
"don't be nice to me you'll start me off again." I replied with a chuckle.
That night I went home and didn't leave my house again until the day before the funeral. Kelly had been round on more than one occasion trying to get me to come out but I was in a world of self pitty and at that point nobody was dragging me out of it.
It was the day before the funeral and my mother handed me a black skater style dress with black rights and black ballet flats.
"try these on Hun." she said handing them to me.
"what for?" I replied looking at her stupid.
"the funeral tomorrow."
"I'm not wearing black nanna would turn in her grave!" I replied with a hint of anger. I knew she wouldnt want us to mourn her death but celebrate her life. So I would not be going in black to the funeral.
After a lot of convincing on my mothers part we went shopping. I ended up with black combats and a bright pink gypsy top.
I sung fields of Dover by Eva Cassidy at the funeral and broke down in the middle.
I was back in school a week after the funeral and was still hurting a lot I didn't Want to be there at all.
Rob continued to bully me and my self esteem hit an all time low. I felt fat and ugly and I hated being alive.
The last few weeks of year eight were the worst rob had even rubbed dog shit into my hair and told me I was now a fat, ugly, smelly brunette but at least I wasn't ginger.
Over the summer holidays I stopped eating and if I ever did I put my fingers to the back of my throat and made myself sick. I cut and died my hair blonde and lost a lot of weight quickly. I began wearing make up quite heavily on my eyes with a little foundation. I finally felt good about myself. I looked great! Well at least I thought I did. In some idiotic way I actually though that constantly brining able to see my bones was a good thing I'd look in the mirror and run a hand over my ribs and frown just a few more pounds. I said this every time.
I returned to school and loved the reaction. I hadn't been out over the holidays so this was the first time people were seeing the new me except for Kelly. I heard a few whispers "whose the new girl?" and I smirked confidently to myself. Robs reaction was by far the best.
"so babe you got bebo?" He asked leaning against the wall.
" yeah my email is Melissa underscore Thomas" I watched as he wrote it onto his hand smirking slightly."at fuck you dot com" I winked and turned my back on him. This silly little boy could and would not scare me anymore!
