Sixty-Four Crayons [COMPLETED]

milkshake teeth

Dear tooth midget with wings,

          You're a fraud. Not that you don't already know, but it feels good to finally cut the slack. I can't believe I fell for that baloney. Did I really think my chompers cost a fortune? No wonder my pillow went through a series of earthquakes every once in a while. Had I known. It's a good thing my niece is a heavy sleeper. She's staying here for quite a while and coincidentally lost her first tooth a week ago. I ain't a party pooper so I left some change under her pillow as not to ruin her lil fantasy the way you ruined mine. But hey don't worry I got over it woman, no hard feelings, I think.

Anyway, these past few days, my niece has been practically on fire. I was hoping I could borrow your fire extinguisher—the one you blew my hopes and—just kidding. But she's lost two more teeth and simultaneously. Talk about great whites. Bottomline is, I had this idea to fake you leaving your wand. I used a lightsaber and a three dimensional paper star. Brilliant I know. In that case, every time she loses one, there'd be no fuss trying to hide a few cents, but mark my word now it's just complete chaos. So fluff a few pillows for me I guess? I'm having a whole lot of fun, a lot. I really wish you'd note the sarcasm in the messy handwriting.

Also, send backup. I'm going nuts throwing quarters wherever she points the damn thing.

          the real gum guardian,

                                         Dentist