Release

2017, May 11th

2017, May 11th

I have decided to move my journal to a more digital platform, since I know I will be having to type it over in any case. I have been typing over my journal from 1735, the year I got turned into the monster I am today.

If you have never read any of my journal entries, my name is Samuel and I am what you would call a Vampire. I was born in England in 1717, which would make me 300 years old this very November. Sometimes it feels like I have lived forever and that the weight of a hundred lifetimes rests on my shoulders. Other times I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by, almost as if the last 300 years has passed with the blink of an eye.

I have seen more than one person should be allowed to see in a lifetime; I do not want to see any more of the world. However, maybe complaining about it is also not that good an idea. I have been privileged. I do not get ill and I will never know the pain of death. That in itself is a good thing, but days like today do get to me. I was on Wattpad earlier (if you are reading this then you know exactly what the site entails). I get messages from many people. Some romanticize the idea of being undead thing needing to fight day and night to hold on to humanity. Those I can handle. I can see the attraction that lures them into the darkness. I can see the romanticism that has been created by popular media. I do understand. Who truly wants to grow old and die in time? If you asked me this question 250 years ago I would've also said that I do not want that for myself. I would have chosen immortality in an instant, not even thinking about the consequences. Further I get messages from people saying that they too are vampires. I do not believe it mostly. Most vampires I have met do not do well with technology, because they have given in to the lower part of their brain. The It as Jung would have called it. They are primal beings, and they do not think further than just surviving the night, feeding on a poor defenceless human. Sometimes they kill, mostly they do. And they make it look like freak accidents or suicide cases. In my lifetime of 300 years I have only found 2 others who tried to be more like me, and in both cases they did give over to the survival instinct because they could not handle the depression, anxiety and angst that came with having the memories of numerous lifetimes. I do allow these people who write these messages to live their delusion and fantasy. I would have lived one as well if it was not that I needed to hold on to my humanity and logical thinking every second of every day.

The ones who do bother me, and the messages that threaten to send me into an outrage are the ones that think that I am lying. That I am some delusional person sitting in a dark room pretending to be a vampire in order to rake up some views. Why would I succumb to this depression, darkness and sadness for every second of my life? Why would I waste my time typing over the journals that is my existence? No one person would choose to live like that. It is not normal, and I hope that by now having my journal digital on Wattpad it would help eradicate the idea that I am a person with a mental disorder. I would much rather use my time in writing a novel full of fantasy and lore than try and warn the people of the world that monsters like me do exist and that it is being covered up by almost every single government in the world in fear of a panic breaking out. I would much rather be sitting in a café at the sea side, sipping on a cocktail and discussing the latest inventions than typing out the facts in hopes that someone somewhere would take me seriously for ones in my life.

See, humans only see what they want to see. They only believe what they want to believe. You can give them a story with no scientific evidence like the Bible and they will worship and believe every single word. These same people will laugh at the fact which is evolution, even though they are confronted with various facts. I feel like the theory/fact of evolution sometimes. I am the living proof that there is a virus out there that can create a cursed life, but no one in their right mind wants to believe me, because believing would mean for them to step out of their comfort zone and face something they are not comfortable with facing. They will need to face the fact that their loved ones are being murdered and that their entire government, religions and lives are as corrupt as can me. I am living proof of something each and every one of them would love to disprove.

Knowing this my life is in danger as I am typing this journal entry. I know it. The world knows it. And you need to realize that as well. With every eye I open I run the risk of getting caught and being eradicated. There aren't that many vampires in the world, and the ones that are out there would love to see me silenced before the entire world learns about their existence. I will be honest. Vampires are not the smartest beings on earth since they have given over to their primal nature. They are also not as strong or fast as the movies and other popular media would make them out to be. They are actually quite normal in many ways except for the fact that they have given in to being complete psychopaths in order to try and deal with the misery leading a way to long life has brought. Although we cannot be killed it would be fairly easy to round us all up and put us in some jail on an island for all eternity, keeping as hungry and starving, but still alive. Ridding the world from our curse by keeping it in quarantine for all of eternity when global warming or something even worse wipes out all humanity and maybe even us with it.

I am risking much more than my life telling you the truth, because I do not fear that my life would be taken away. I would love for that to happen in actually fact. Even the idea of a hell being out there and waiting for me seems tame and bearable after the life I have led. What I do fear is that I cannot die, but I can still feel pain. I can be tortured for years, decades, and even millenniums at a time without being able to be free ever again. It would not take much to make this a reality. Another reason why I am so eager to stay anonymous, except for giving you the name I got at birth in my human life which really is Samuel.

I beg you to take me seriously. Feel my pain and understand. Safe yourself when the time comes, and open your eyes to the possibilities out there about the things being hidden from you in broad daylight.

Samuel