Frostbite

Chapter Thirteen

Cerin always known when something was up with her. She had always been able to do the same. She supposed it was because of the bond the two of them shared. Had shared. A bond like that was something that was indescribably rare and precious, yet it was something that could easily be taken for granted. If she met him again, could they once more be able to share moments like those? In spite of how much she liked to think so, realistically, they had spent so much time apart that returning everything to how it was was nigh on impossible. 

"Stop it," she hissed to herself. "Now isn't the time for sentimentality. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll find him."

She forced herself to turn around and exit the room. However, when faced with the tightly shut door of Cerin's room, she nearly gave in. But, in the nick of time she managed to will herself not to. She willed herself to keep her eyes trained on only what was ahead, not to look back on things that were already behind her. Doing that was the only way she could manage to be rational. To think clearly. If she didn't she would continue to be backtracked by memories of times long past and never move on. Never face the moment, or the future. It was all she had. The past was called the past for a reason. You never could get it back.

She would live her future, and one she had decided would be one where she broke free of her two conflicting lives and selves. She was never going to yield to the Permafrosts and to her own power. The Frost within her was convenient, but it did not rule her. She would live for herself and for those she cared about. She had grown weary of sitting around doing nothing but waiting. It was time to begin acting.

She'd lived so many years in this house and nearly as many at the academy. They were distinct phases of her life, as well as the early years of her life she spent with her parents. However, she knew those times were gone now. And, frankly, she was glad for all of them; glad that she had lived through all of those moments, good or bad, happy or sad, long or short. She was grateful to the people who had helped her and cared for her. Her mother. Her father. Cerin. Moira. Graham. Owen. Edan. Gwen.

For the past few years she'd felt despair. An overwhelming despair that she had nobody left. But she knew that wasn't true quite yet. She'd lost so many people, but some still lived. She could still protect them. Still make sure they stayed alive.

Yesterday had been a turning point. Therefore, from this point onward, a new period of her life had begun. One where she would decide her own future. One where she wasn't dictated by a future that was given to her by the Frosts. One where she didn't just live her life fully immersed in the past. One where she would look straight ahead. One where she would live in the moment. She would still be hunted down by Permafrost forces, but, she could manage to evade them if it meant she could truly be free. If it meant she could live as she desired.

Edan, wait for me. I'll come for you as soon as I can. I promise I haven't left you. Moira, hang on. Cerin, I'm coming for you. I won't lose another person I care for ever again if I can help it.

This was the end. It was also the beginning. And for a moment, Eira felt liberated, as if anything was possible.

~

She left a note.

Moira wasn't up yet and Eira hated goodbyes. She just hoped her adoptive mother would understand.

She still had the food from yesterday, but she took some from Moira's pantry. After putting it inside her satchel, she left without another look over her shoulder.

Eira decided to walk. The road wasn't busy yet, as it was only an hour or so after sunrise. It would be another hour until carts started bumping along to the daily market in town. Her boots thudded against the loose earth. It was still cold, but the morning sun was rather bright and she had to squint her eyes.

As she had predicted, an hour later, carts began to trundle past. She moved into the verge each time one came and while she stood there, although she kept her hood firmly on her head, every passenger or driver stared straight at her. She wasn't sure of the reason at all.

The morning wore on. Eira ate some bread and drank some water. She wasn't all that hungry, but she knew she had to eat something.

She arrived in the city when the sun was at its highest point in the sky, exhausted and panting. The town centre was buzzing with various groups of people. Most were there for the market, which Eira found convenient as she could blend in with the crowd easily. She extracted her coin pouch from her bag and began to count her money. She sat on a bench underneath a tall pine tree that sat in the centre of the town square. Its needles were about the only green thing in sight; all the deciduous trees had already lost their leaves. It was mid November, after all.

She had more money than she'd previously thought. She could buy some new clothes, food for at least two days, and even a room for the night. If she was lucky, nobody would start looking for her until the next day, when classes resumed. She had the rest of the day to not worry about being seen, then. Of course, she wouldn't completely let down her guard, but she could at least relax a little.

~

The next morning, Eira was completely lost for things to do. She'd made a plan, yes, but she didn't have any way to initiate it. Yet, she reminded herself.

After she'd arrived, she'd bought food at the market. Nothing exciting—just bread, cured meat, cheese, and some hard crackers in case she got desperate. She'd also managed to purchase a relatively cheap yet sturdy canteen, which would replace the flimsy flask she had. It was one she'd nabbed from the food table back at the academy. Definitely not meant to be taken out and about.

Afterwards, she headed to the clothes shops and bought the cheapest things available. The tunic and trousers were thin and so was the cloak, but it would suffice for now. When she was leaving the shop, she'd spotted a small stall selling hair-dye. It was perfect. If her hair no longer retained its white colour, then nobody would know she was of the Frost.

She'd then payed for a room at the first inn she found and rinsed the dye through her hair once inside. It had made her hair go a dark shade that was close to black. Perfect. For as long as the dye lasted, she could go about without worrying that people would spot her from a distance. They'd still know her face, of course.

So, now she sat underneath the same tree as before. She was completely out of money. Her last pennies had been spent on a cup of strong tea she'd bought that morning in an attempt to wake herself up.

At that moment, she realised she probably should have done some more planning.

Yes, the day before she'd come up with a plan to join and search the rebel groups that Cerin would most likely be a part of, but she hadn't thought how exactly she was going to track them down. Before she starved.

She knew a good amount of information regarding them thanks to her eavesdropping on the tutors for so long, but she didn't have a clue about where they were situated. She was a fool for not thinking it through thoroughly.

However, it wasn't as if she could give up. Like she could just traipse back to the academy pretending nothing had happened and that she wasn't vengeful and full of hatred towards them all. She couldn't imagine herself going back to one of those classes. She couldn't even imagine herself using the powers that, over the past few years, had become a part of her. The powers which she bore that inside others had concerned so many people. The power that had ruined so many lives. The powers that had killed. Her powers. The powers of the Frost. She had decided she would use them only if it was a matter of life and death. In other situations, she would use only her mind and body. She wouldn't rely on the Frost any longer. She had to learn to be sufficient once again.

And, as she spotted the figures not far down the road, she realised that now was probably the time for her bring her mental and physical abilities into fruition.

Guards.

Eira swore under her breath. It was time to run.

~

She found a nook between two buildings that was relatively hidden from view. It was rather cramped and dirty, but for now it would have to do.

She could hide until her food ran out. After that, she didn't know. Hopefully she could hold out for as long as possible.