I N S E C U R E

third time around

ALEC

"Alec, you all right?" Isabelle whispers. I nod, letting the plastic bead I was chewing on fall out of my mouth. We were sitting criss-cross on the floor of our bedroom, after our parents told me to stop my "disgusting and obnoxious behavior".

"Sorry..." I whisper and she smiles.

"Don't apologize, Alec."

"Sorry- I mean- fuck," I mumble and she laughs. "Stop..."

"Sorry. Do you want me to leave?" she inquires and I shrug, tugging at the carpet. She nods and takes her phone out of her pocket. That's why I love her. She understands me so well, there's no need for me to actually talk to her, which is a relief.

She slides her computer over to me, which is opened up to a full screen video of cute baby animals; the use of "cute" was redundant. She plays the video and I immediately feel myself start to calm down. "I'm going to go start your bath so it'll be warm." I nod, glancing at her retreating feet, before turning my focus to the video.

I hate when Isabelle treats me like a child. I mean, sure, it's helpful most of the time, but it just makes me feel... dumb, I guess. Needing help from my younger sister with things I shouldn't need help with. She knows I hate it, but she doesn't care. It's not in a mean way, of course. She just knows that I don't want to admit I need help. I shut the computer and shuffle to the bathroom. Isabelle smiles at me and leaves.

I lock the door and strip down, sliding into the warm, bubbly water. I close my eyes and sink into the water until only my head and knees are sticking out. I lay in the bath until it gets cold. I drain the tub and turn on the shower, rinsing the soap off of my body.

I wrap a towel around my waist and walk into my room, dressing in my pajamas. Isabelle smiles at me and sets her book down. "Are you going to make an appearance at my party tomorrow?" she asks and I shrug.

"Maybe..." I mumble, laying down on my side and pulling the covers up to my chin. She nods and bites her lip.

"You know, Jace will be there. So if you need to slip out we can distract everyone else from noticing," she tells me and I nod. "And you can just wear whatever, I'll yell at everyone who says anything."

"I don't need you to protect me," I whisper. I'm 6 feet tall, dammit. She's like... 4, or something. I'm not exactly sure, I just know that she's short. I'm the tallest person I know. It makes me sad. I wish I could just disappear sometimes, or just hide in the crowd. Be a normal height, blend in with the crowd.

"I'm not, I'm just making sure people don't ruin my party by being assholes. It has nothing to do with you, Alec," she promises and I nod.

Good. She turns the lights over her bed off and I roll over, closing my eyes. Light jazz music starts to play and I quickly fall asleep.

***

Jace is waiting at the bottom of the stairs for me. Isabelle is talking to some guy in the crowded living room. A girl is standing next to Jace. I reach the bottom of the stairs and Jace grins at me. "Hi!" The girl says and I nod, biting my lip.

"Hello."

"I'm going to go get some punch," she tells Jace and practically skips away. Jace smiles and rolls his eyes. He glances at me and chuckles.

"Clary. She's a friend," he says and I nod. "She just moved here."

Clary walks back with three cups of punch in her hand and hands me one. "Clary, could you bring your friend over?" Jace asks and Clary nods, running into the crowded room. I quickly hand my punch to Jace and he chugs it, throwing the cup away and grinning at Clary as she returns with the boy that was talking to Isabelle.