CARRISON: The Truth behind Carrie And Harrsion

Royal teenager

"Mom, Why does Amelia have more boobs than me?"

That was the type of question I would ask my mother and her answers were even more embarrassing:
"Because you're still a baby, monkey."

But no, I wasn't. I was 15 and I was flat as a table, it bothered the devil out of me but what was I supposed to be thinking about at that age? Stupid hormones.
At that age, my family life had gotten better. My mom stopped drinking herself to sleep and I started to smile more often.
School was fine but it was never my thing, I only liked English and literature. Books were my one and only escape, I craved the escape that fiction provides. I always will.

One night, my mom came home from work. She was now doing her own show called "Irene" and I was so proud of her, she now had something that made her happy. Anyways, she enters my room that night and starts asking me if I enjoy school. I say no. But then she didn't ask me why, she just blurted out: "Why don't you join me at Irene?"
I didn't know what to say at first but I knew I could sing, it was one of my only talents and if it meant I didn't have to go back to that horrible place then...
"Yes, mom. Of course I'll join you" I said and we hugged.

The show wasn't much but it definitely made me happy as well. I got to sing and dance with my mom, what else could I ask for at that time?
...a boyfriend? my subconscious would whisper. I ignored it.
But I could not help but wonder what it would be like to receive some male attention. I mean, not even my own father was around.
There was this guy on the show, called Tom. He was not incredibly good looking but it was enough to catch my attention. Tom would smile during the performances and I would blush and avoid his gaze, like any other shy, sexually frustrated teenager would.
My mom noticed my reaction when Tom would talk or wave at me and she made the most hurtful comments:
"If you want to have sex with Tom tell me so that I can watch and give you instructions"
It made me feel ridiculous and pathetic. I mean, can you imagine your own mom telling you that at 15?
But then again, I knew she was not quite herself so I simply ignored her.

One day, Tom and I stayed on the set late at night. My mom had disappeared and he noticed that I was alone so he started to make small talk. God knows how much I hate small talk. He would ask questions about my hobbies and I would ask him about his job at McDonalds, stuff like that. Then, he grabbed me by my shoulders and locked us inside one of the changing rooms.

"What the hell are you-"
Then he kissed me, or something like that. It was more of a tongue invading my mouth and me just standing there trying to get him off me and failing. I can not express how disgusting that kiss was, if it can even be called that.

After that, I could not bare to look at him and vice versa. Then he declared himself gay and quit the show about 6 months after the incident. My mom asked me if something had happened between us but I kept denying it and distracting her with other subjects. I could not believe that my first kiss had been with someone gay, like honestly? But I was also glad that at least I could say that I wasn't virgin lips anymore. That was something.

Then came my second kiss, with a guy who also worked at McDonalds and had a terrible taste in colognes.
But this time, I was the one who made the first move and it wasn't so bad. He was surprised but did not say anything while I was on his lap. But again, we never talked about it or anything like that. I bet he didn't like it as much as I did but...oh well.

My mom was getting better and I got to see my dad a lot often now. He would take me shopping, which was fine by me because we would shop for weird stuff that my mother would never buy me. One day he asked me:
"Hey, would you like to come with me to work? We have a great thing on the oven, is called Shampoo."
My dad wanted me to go to his work? That had never happened before so it took about one second to reply:

"I would love to."