Skin and bones *trigger warning*

Chapter 4

I woke up at about 2:30 in the morning to an alarm I set last night. I don't want to say that I was influenced by the website but I did feel a bit self conscious after reading the blog. The rest of the night I looked at models that had nice bodies and I felt a bit jealous. They were known for having good bodies and that's what makes them famous but I didn't have a good body and I was nothing but I got motivated to get into shape.

I grabbed my phone, earbuds, my running shoes that I had for PE last year and put on some clothes and headed out the front door. It was still and dark outside with the only light coming from the street lights in the neighborhood and I saw my shadow on the sidewalk.  I opened my Spotify app and looked for some good music to run to. I came to a conclusion that didn't have the appropriate music for working out. I then click on browse and searched for workout music. Eventually a playlist showed up and I clicked shuffle play. I started out walking and after about 10 minutes I felt like I was getting out of breath and my legs began to ache. I felt a bit defeated but I decided to run instead to make myself feel better. I felt the wind on my face and the pain in my legs increase little by little. I ran around the block and stopped at the playground in the neighborhood. I bent over and tried to catch my breath but every breath made my lungs feel like I was on fire like I was breathing fire instead of air.

I walked over to the swings and sat down on one of the swings near the end of the playground. The soft plastic chair caused a sting to move up my spine as I sat down. I slowly moved back and forth on the swing with my feet moving me. You can run a little more the thought hit me and it was something I couldn't ignore. Eventually I pulled my pain filled body off of the swing and started to slowly walk to the exit of the playground and limp my way onto the sidewalk again to continue running. The voice inside my head convinced me to keep going and I called it my motivation.

I got home and quietly made my way back into the house and into my room. Thankfully I was quiet enough not to wake anyone up and decided to take a shower. I peeled my clothes off my sweaty body and turned on the hot water and waited for it to heat up. I threw my clothes in my hamper and took my hair down from the ponytail I had it in. I set the hair tie on my sink and ran my hands through my hair to separate the curls. Eventually the water felt warm enough and I jumped into the shower. The hot water felt good against my sore muscles. Every movement felt like my limbs were a thousand pounds and I could barely move them enough to wash my hair.

After a long hot shower I grab the towel I set on my towel rack and began to dry myself. I tied the towel around my body and walked over to the sink to brush my hair and get ready. My face looked pink from the shower and as I brushed my hair I got my brush caught in my hair. I laughed for a second to myself and tried to get the brush out. After some hardcore pulling eventually it came out and I dried the rest of my body. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. You should get rid of those stretch marks they look gross I frowned at my appearance the voice was right  I looked like a zebra with the stretch marks. I was being nit picky about every aspect of my body which was not something I do on a normal day but I felt like I needed it.

By the time I finished getting ready I felt amazing. I decided to dress nice considering I had a good run to get me going. I looked through my closet for something nice to wear and I found this little dress I bought from a thrift store last week when I went with Cameron and Jake. The dress was black and had some little flowers on it and some lace accents it was fancy but not too fancy to be casual. I threw it on with some  black tights I had and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked alright but my face looked kind of dull. I walked over to my vanity and tried to find some lipstick or something to put on to relieve the dullness that is my face. I found a lipstick that I borrowed from my mom, that I forgot to give back, and put it on. I begin to put my shoes on when I hear a knock on the door.