Once you go Black you never go back (Sirius Black and oc story)

Finishing summer

  It had been some time since I had moved into the Potter's home, but it felt like the summer had gone by in mere seconds.  I was still as close to Remus as ever who often came to visit and I got to see Marlene when her family came to see James' parents.  As for James himself, I had grown a lot closer to him as well.  Of course, he still annoyed me all the time, but not nearly as much as his best friend.
  Sirius was definitely using the fact that we now lived in the same house to his advantage.  He would be loud every morning to wake me up, turn into Padfoot and scare me while I was walking outside, or even pushing me into the Potter's pool.  Fortunately, this was the second to last day that we'd be here.  Then, we'd all go to Diagon Alley and head off to start our sixth year. 
  Sitting by the pool, my heart swelled thinking about going back to Hogwarts.  Sure, I loved it here and all.  But nothing ever seemed to really complete me like that beautiful castle always did.
  "Whachu thinking about?" I turned to see James walking over to me before he plopped down to my left.
  "Hey Prongs, just thinking about Hogwarts."
  "Ahh, shocker." He replied sarcastically with a smile.  I simply rolled my eyes.  It was nice to have James in my life.  He really did feel like a brother, which is something I haven't had in a long time. James must have seen my face fall because he nudged me.
  "What's wrong Snow?" 
  "Do you think my brother feels bad? About what happened I mean."  I asked in a hushed tone, looking into the clear water of the pool.  I hated that he knew something was wrong and I hated that I was telling him.  I had become so weak and transparent since I left home and I felt so ashamed of it.
  "I'm not sure on that one, why do you ask?" He questioned.
  "Well, I know it's sounds crazy. But, I feel bad.  As much as I despise him, he's still my brother.  And a small part of me can't help but hope that he had a chance. I don't know I guess I just wish sometimes that..." I stopped speaking.  What I wanted to say, James just wouldn't get. I opened my mouth as not to leave him hanging, but turned as I heard a voice behind me.
  "You sometimes wish that you could have done something sooner?"
  "Padfoot." I acknowledged, shocked.  He had said aloud exactly what I had wanted to say.
  "I'm going to go owl Remus to confirm that he's coming over tonight." James said to us quietly.  He then briefly put his hand over mine comfortingly before standing up.  As he walked inside, he clapped Sirius on the shoulder and nodded.
  "How did you know I was going to say that?" I asked as he sat beside me.  Not in my usual accusing voice, just a legitimate curious question.
  "Every day at Hogwarts, I wish there was something I could have done for Regulus.  Maybe he would have turned out better if I had been there for him.  But I've accepted the fact that if he's not brave enough to leave, that's his decision.  They've made up their minds Snow.  I'm not saying that there is no chance for them because yes, he is my brother and I'll always have a small bit of me that still has hope.  But I wouldn't dwell on something that's so uncertain." Sirius said with a straight face, not showing any trace of emotion despite his words.
  "Yeah, I guess." I sighed.  Suddenly his smirk returned.
  "I guess what?"
  "I'm not saying it Padfoot." I countered, shaking my head.
  "Oh come on, you know I deserve it love." He laughed.
  "What, a smack upside the head?"
  "Come on, say it."
  "Not a chance Black."
  "Fine. Hey by the way, does Lily know that you stole her favorite green hoodie when she was here last?" He questioned with an innocent look gracing his features.
  "I hate you. Fine. I guess you are right." I gave in, my nose wrinkled in disgust as the words left my mouth.
  "And don't you forget it babe." Sirius winked and got up.
  "Goodbye Balck." I shooed.  He simply held his hand up in surrender and headed inside. "Call me when Rem gets here!" I called.
  "Will do!" He yelled back, closing the door and saluting me through the glass door.
  Left alone again, my mind wandered.  I was worried about what had happened within me.  I suddenly felt so vulnerable.  I was showing my pain and my feelings, letting people in, being weak, feeling defeated all the time.  This wasn't me.  Though I was shutting better at controlling myself over time, I was still bad . What I had just revealed so easily to James and Sirius was something I wouldn't have even told Lily if this were a few months ago.  I know people change, but I don't like this new me.  She's weak.
  "Ugh, Merlin, women up." I face palmed.
  "Funny, you are usually say that to me, not yourself." A voice snickered. 
  "Hey Rem." I sighed, smiling back at him. "Did you grow again?"
  "Nah, I think you just shrank again."  I laughed at that.
  "Shut up you." 
  "It would be my pleasure."

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