LIES

Chapter 1

A/N: THIS IS MY FIRST STORY PLEASE DON'T JUDGE MEH
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"1,
2,
3-"

"What is the point of this? I don't understand how this helps." I said irritated.

"Dr. Beck said this should calm you down and take you mind off of things, for awhile," my mother said calmingly.

I raged in anger. What does he know?

"What does he know about any of this? Does he feel the pain, or trauma?" my mother just sat there. "No! He doesn't!"

My mother was in tears now, and so was I. I hated being anrgy, I hated the pain. So, so much.

I suddenly regretted taking out my thoughts on my own mother like that, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so angry with you. I'm atcually not angry with you at all."

"It's okay, honey, come here," she brought me up in a big embrace and we stayed there on the couch like that for awhile.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, so much."

                                                                                               +++

I might have fallen asleep because I woke up in my bed sweating and breathing heavly.

I hate these nightmares. Go, just go! Oh right, I almost forgot that I was 'mentally unstable' at this time of my life.

I regret falling asleep.

I looked down at my thighs and saw the skin scabbed over. Well, I don't regret that. I turned to look at the clock on my dresser. It read, 4:17 a.m. I tried lying down but I couldn't keep my eyes closed. I was afraid that if my eyes closed, I would see the same nightmare over and over again. Like every night lately.

I decided to go take a shower.

As I finished my shower I looked over at the sink and saw a pair of scissors in a cup with the razors.

No, I can't.

I shook my head at that thought. What was the point of holding back?

I walked over to the sink and grabbed the scissors. Slowly, I took one of the blades and brought it down to my thigh. I pressed the blade into my skin and let myself feel the pain and burn. 

I watched the blood oozing from the cut down my leg.

No! I just started getting better. Why did I do that? Okay, I'm done with this.

I set the scissors down and washed my face. Cleaned up my leg and the scissors so my mom wouldn't be suspicious. 

After I got dressed I headed back to my room. The clock read 5:03 a.m. I needed to sleep, but I couldn't seem to reach it peacefully. I started to distract myself by cleaning up my room.

As I was cleaning up, I found an old photo of me and my father from years ago. We were both smiling out in the yard of our old house. I miss it when I was happy.

When he was still here.

He was the one who was always there, the one who I could share a joke or two with and not be embarrassed by how cheesy it was.

He was everything and more.

But he is gone 6 feet under and I couldn't of done anything to save him. That is what hurts the most. I couldn't save him like he saved me many times before.

I turned the photo around in my hand. I set it back and went downstairs. 

As I opened the fridge to get a snack, I felt a sudden presence. I turned around and I jumped at the sight of a person.

"Well good morning," my mother croaked. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I couldn't sleep so I came down to get a snack," I said.

"Okay, I am going to go up stairs. Are you alright?" She questioned.

Ugh. "Yes. I'm totally perfect," I told her, "Go back to bed, I'll be fine. Okay?"

"Okay."

She started toward the hallway but when she reached the end she paused.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, too," I replied back.