Write or Rant.... ?

1

Someone once told me that life is for living and that I should never let a man control me. But then life happens. 'Shit happens'. 

It went like this;

school

college

uni

marry

graduate

shitty job

children

uni again

no one tells you as a woman you get little choice.

If you don't have family, if you do have children, if you don't want any old person looking after your children. let's face it, even if you 'know' someone, do you ever truly know that person? How the hell are you supposed to know who to trust and who to avoid with a barge pole.

Feck it. Take this shitty ashre (deliberate mispellings are my forte, as are non-deliberate.... who would ever know which is which....) job I am doing now for an example, I have done everything exactly how I have been asked, I go above and beyond for each 'customer', but never outside of the social or employment boundaries. Yet, the thanks I get? Oh yeah, none! Nooooo, as a law abiding do-gooder you don't get praise, just the opposite. You get fecking hell. I have my last assignments for uni due on the same date, just under four weeks. Only these both count 50% of my overall results for the year.

I mean seriously, WTF? 

Yeah this rant shit is going no-where. I haven't slept a good night all year. I go to bed at 3am and wake up at 6am. I drink coffee. more coffee. more coffee. sweets help to.

Hell, they make you fat too. I am gonna have to work out all day every day for a year after I graduate, go teetotal (errrr.... yeah?), cold turkey on coffee, sweets, chocolate the lot. Salad, crackers, fruit, soups..... Errrrmmmm is anyone else thinking fat people slimming is like a modern day torture? 

I can't believe just drinking the coffee, having a healthy balanced diet and the occasional sweeties/unhealthy things (well maybe recently my will power has been lacking), oh, and not drinking nearly as much water as I should, and i have put on a stone, yes one entire, whole fueking stone! How unfair is that?!

I have been 'overweight' since I was 20, a size 16-18 but didn't ever look 'fat' just according to BMI I was considered fat at 34bmi, but a few years back, I lost a load. I went down to a bmi of 29, may not seem like a huge lot but that was 4 stone difference, I went from an 16-18 (and lets face it after having children, the effort often goes and a 20 is like what the heck does anyone care!), to a 12-14 but mostly 12.... Then I had to go into hospital and when I came out I wanted to keep going but was told by the GP I had to wait for at least a year. 

So... I waited.... and waited.... and waited... and then found I was back up to just OVER my start weight.

So. Not. Fair.

In four weeks time, I will be doing things differently. 

For one, I won't (god-willing) need to go back into hospital for anything.

I will be joining the gym.

I'll be there the second the children are all at school/nursery. Then, I will also work out in the morning.

But this time. I won't stop. 

I won't do just cardio. I mean hell Zumba is great, its fun, after all who doesn't like to shake their booty? Or dance? but, it doesn't build any muscle. I want to not have all the saggy skin.

Hell, no one tells you if you loose weight, even when considerably young, you will still have fecking saggy skin everywhere, I wouldn't have been surprised if that was the only real weight I had left to shift that time.

I have been following some lovely lassy on instagram, at first it was coz i fell in love with her tattoos (she has loads, all watercolour styles, I have none... but I want to get one... but it has to be perfect...), but then she started chatting to me, first about her tatts (not tits.... though you never know what the future holds. pardon the pun ;-P ), then about the weights she does. 

So gonna do that. She looks fecking amazing! I sooooo need a bod like that. 

I remember when I was a teenager had a completely flat tummy and taking it soooo for granted... then I had three children..... (let this be a word of warning girls - especially those thinking about having a baby as a fun thing - that is a whole nother rant... baby's are cute. But they are also living hell for the parents 90% of the time... feed, poo, sleep, scream, cute - in any order or combination multiplied they so chose!)

Chow bow wow 

Esmé x x x