Riley and Devin

Chapter Seventy-Nine

The storm's gotten a lot worse. Devin and I just stopped for food which was McDonald's. And now we're driving. The windshield wipers aren't doing much and you can't see very far ahead of you. It's late too, and we haven't seen a sign for a motel in a while. But Devin keeps driving. After half an hour he pulls off the road.

"What are you doing?" I ask him. I see lightning in the background.

"I'm stopping at a rest stop until the storm stops," he says. I don't say anything. He pulls up and there's no one else around. We're the only one's crazy enough to be driving. He takes the keys out of the ignition so we don't run out of gas or battery. He opens his door and gets out. He comes back with a sleeping bag, a pillow and a lantern. He gets into the back row. He shuts the door and he's soping wet. Devin lays out the sleeping bag and sets the pillow down. He turns on the lantern and crawls into the sleeping bag.

He pats the space next to him. "Come on. Don't freeze because of your pride or ego," Devin tells me. I climb back and lay down next to him in the tiny space. I zip up the sleeping bag and we're pressed tightly together, my back to his chest, his back to the seats. There's not any space. "I might sleep a bit, wake me up if it stops raining," he tells me.

"Okay," I say. I shift and manage to roll myself over without falling. We're now facing each other. His hands are on my bare thigh, thanks to the booty shorts, and on the small of my back where my tank top has ridden up. I took off my long sleve for some reason.

I hear him sleeping a bit later. I roll again so I'm not facing him. I take his hand into mine and press it to my lips. "I didn't mean it," I whisper. He's sleeping, so it's not like it matters. "I didn't mean any of it. I don't want want to be your friend, I want to be your lover. And I-I've fucked everything up. But I love you and I didn't-I didn't mean it. I'm scared because you've hurt me, Devin, you've hurt me so much more than you'll ever know but it's worth it-or it was-for those fleeting kisses or lost moments in the dark. It's worth it, to love you from a distance, but to know you love me."

I sigh and continue whispering, "Maybe we're just not right for eachother. Maybe, we're better as friends. But I love you so much that I have to let you go and I can't let you come back to me."

"I love you too," Devin says and I jump.

"Y-you-you weren't sleeping?" I ask him, panicking. I didn't mean to say any of that outloud. I thought he was sleeping.

"No, I wasn't sleeping," he says, "Riley, you have my heart no matter what and I'll always come back to you."

"We-we can't be together," I say.

"Why can't we? Why the fuck can't we? Our love is so strong for each other that we-we can survive anything," he says.

"You hurt me. You've hurt me t-too many times and I can't be hurt again," I hiccup. I try to unzip the sleeping bag but hands are shaking so badly that I can't.

"Being hurt is inevitable," he says. My hands fumble with the zipper and I manage to get it unzipped. I trip over myself getting out of the car and running into the pouring rain. "You can't run away Riley!" he yells.

"Watch me!" I yell. I keep walking. He speeds up and grabs my elbow, spinning me to face him.

"You can't run away from me. I'll keep chasing you! I'll keep chasing you until I catch you, or I die or, you do, or you run out of space to run," he tells me. "Why are you trying so hard to run away from me? From us? Why do you do it if you love me? Why can't we be together?"

"I'm scared, okay? I'm scared because I've loved you for a long, long time and I've loved you through everything. I'm scared because you're too good for me. And I never thought that you could actually love me-" I start. Devin cuts me off.

"How could I not love you? You're the strongest person I know and the toughest. You don't flinch at horror movies but you smile at little kids. When you smile you light up the entire world. You don't even know how beautiful you are and you don't care. You see people for who they really are but you're quick to judge yourself. You do things that no one expects. And you have a good, pure heart. If anything, you're too good for me, but I know you inside and out. I know everything about you and I know every piece of you. Every part. I love all of you. You're the air that I breathe. My light in the dark world. You're my best friend and my greatest love. How could I not love you?" Devin says. I'm speechless.

The rain is pouring and thunder is cracking and lighting is striking. And the boy I love is making my world align again. "Why would you hurt me then?" I ask him. "You hurt me over and over and over."

"I thought I was protecting you. I spent years and years being in love with you and thinking that you could never love me. I tried to hide it and when we kissed and I felt that you felt something I got scared and I panicked. I never thought that you could love me, so I tried to push you away. And I'm sorry," he says.

"You say the same shit over and over again," I say. I shake my head and shrug off his arm. I keep walking.

Devin grabs my waist and yanks me back. "The thing I regret most is letting you go!" he yells over the storm. "I'm not letting you get away again!"

He kisses me and the kiss floods me with all of his emotions and I know that he really does love me. He loves me for who I am and I know that he never meant to hurt me. I know that he's honest when he says he's scared and I know so many more things.

"I love you and you love me and that will always be enough for me. I won't let you grow old alone and I'll always be there for you. But know that you will always have my heart," Devin tells me.

"Okay," I say.

"Okay? What does that mean?" he asks.

"I love you and we-we can be together...I think we can-oh, fuck-I know we can," I say. And then I kiss him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and he he picks me up and my legs wrap around his waist. He walks back to his car and lays me down. We keep kissing.

"Damn!" he says.

"What?" I ask him.

"I don't have any condoms with me," he says.

"I have some," I say. He looks at me.

"God, I love you," he says.

"What? TJ shoved them in my bag with a nice little note," I say. He laughs.

"I don't deserve you," he murmurs, resting his forehead against mine.

"You do," I say and then I kiss him.

THE END

Yes, falling in love with your best friend is completely fucked up, like a lot. But sometimes things are meant to be and Devin and I, we were meant to be. In this world you have to cling to love and you honestly can't control who it is, So you have to cling to them and hope they love you back.

Don't let your love go.