Finding My Way

Chapter 21

"Umm?" He awkwardly waved his hand in my face. "Hello... umm, Adrianna."

Was I really staring at him for that long? Shit, maybe I was! I'm just... I'm shocked. I'm surprised. This is just too ironic...

"You... have a son named after you. Correct?"

"Yes. I have three.. well four daughters and three sons."

Why did he volunteer information? That was a 'yes' or 'no' question.

"Are you a deadbeat to them too?" I folded my arms over my chest. I don't really give a damn, I just want to know what he might say.

"I'm not a deadbeat to any of my-"

I put my hand up to stop him. "I haven't needed you for nineteen years, five months, and some days. I don't need yo muthafuckin' ass now either. Why the fuck are you even here right now?"

Before he could say anything, I noticed Marcille walking over to us.

"So I see-"

"Why the fuck is this nigga here?"

"Aye hold up lil lady. I know you in yo damn feelings but don't be callin' me no nigga."

I turned my back on him. "Well like I was damn asking, why is this muthafuckin' nigga here? How does he know about Grammy?"

She tried to touch me but I smacked her hand away from me.

"I asked him to come because I wanted you two to meet. I know that this is probably the only time and the only reason you'd come around me. Adrianna I wanna start doing right by you. I know I messed up a lot in the past, but I want to right my wrongs."

I turned to walk away from her, but she grabbed my arm.

"You wanna know what? This is some bullshit. This man is just a sperm donor. He don't give a fuck about me. If he would've truly cared, he would have been in my life. He would have took resp-"

"Your mom didn't want me in your li-"

"Did I ask you to muthafuckin' speak? No! Fuck you man. I hate you both of you muthafuckas right about now. I know who my real father is. He is the man that has been locked up for eleven... almost twelve years because he got his heart broken and he snapped. My father is Raymond Mangham. A man that would do anything for me. I don't care what your shitty excuse is! You could have been in my life, but you chose not to because I you didn't want to be. I am grown. I don't need shit from either of you. You say Marcille didn't want you in my life. Is that suppose to justify you missing my whole muthafuckin' life?! Nah bruh, fuck outta here with that fuck shit. A real man would 'fess up to his shit then do whatever the fuck he gotta do to fix his situation. Had my grandmother not had to come to this hospital, you wouldn't have even made the effort to meet me."

My gaze shot over to Marcille. "Touch me again and I bet yo' ass be laid out in one of these gotdamn hospital beds. I'm sick of you. You can't right your wrongs bitch. You can't take back the two years of abuse I went through. You can't take back all of the times you put your hands on me your damn self. You can't right your wrongs. Fuck you, dumb ass bitch!"

And after those words, I turned and left them standing there.

"WHAT THE FUCK SHE MEAN YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON HER?!"

Oh whatever. He probably just puttin' on because I just went in on both of they asses. This shit was so distasteful how she tried to have us meet each other. We shoulda met each other when I was a muthafuckin' baby.

I love Raymond a lot, I seriously do, but I find myself wondering if things in my life would've been different had Marcille been honest with Raymond. Seems like my life woulda been fucked up either way.

I don't know. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

When I reached my grandmother's door, I looked down the hall to see Gregory and Marcille in each other's faces. I don't know why he's pretending to care now. He didn't give a shit about me for nineteen years, why the fuck does he suddenly give a damn?

"Adrianna Giselle! It is so nice to see you."

My grandmother formed a smile on his face when walked into the room.

"I haven't seen you in so long."

"That's not my fault."

I folded my arms over my chest. Let me calm down before I go off on here too. It pisses me off when people try to guilt trip though. I've called her at least three times without her answering me. She also has my number as well. I'm only ten numbers away. I know she's my grandmother, but I'm not about to kiss nobody's ass. And anyway, I shouldn't be the one that has to reach out to her any damn way. She's the one who called me a spoiled brat even though she was the one who took me in.

The more I think about it the madder I become.

"I know it isn't. Sit down please."

I walked to the other side of the room then flipped down in a chair.

"I'm sorry Adrianna. I regret ever saying mean things to you."

"Okay, so are you saying that because your health is declining or because you actually mean it?"

She slowly sat up more so she could see me better.

"I am trying to apologize to you because I know I was wrong. It is important for me to apologize to those who I can apologize to. I regret not admitting and apologizing to your grandfather for the wrong I did to him. He really did die thinking he was the only man in my life." She shook her head, looking me directly in my eyes. "Adrianna, there's something that I haven't told anyone else. And that is the reason I'm most likely in here."