The fifth Angel

6. The French Mistake

I was laying in bed when I felt it. A strange- feeling. When I opened my eyes again, I saw I was in a room. "Sophia?" I turned around and saw Sam and Dean standing there. "Winchesters? What's going on? This is the future... What am I doing here, guys?" I asked them confused. "Dude. That's what Sophia meant, saying we'll see her again in the future." Sam whispered over to his brother. "Uh- you know I can hear you, right? Celestial being?" I pointed out. "Sophia. It's really you." "No, Winchester. I'm the Easter bunny." I said sarcastically. They exchanged glances. "Now tell me, please. What the hell is this?" I asked them. "Sophia. From our point of view... You're dead." Sam started. Okay. Big information. "You and Gabriel gave us a DVD before- you know. And you said we'll see you again." Dean explained. "Wait. Gabriel is- dead too?" I asked and they nodded. "Okay." I said a little sadly. "Okay?" They asked. "Sophia, you just figured out you'll die." Sam stated shocked. "Well, yeah. I mean, we all die one day. Trust me. I lived long enough. So what year is this? And please, some basics on what happened until now." I told them. So, I know it's February 2011. They told me Michael and Lucifer are in the cage. Sam was with them for a while, until he wasn't anymore... Yeah, it's weird, even for me. He got out, but without his soul. Then death got the soul and put it back into Sam. And they met Balthazar... "Well, you've been busy." I commented awkwardly.

"Where's Bobby?" Sam asked. "In town, supply run." Dean answered. "What? In this weather?" I asked, looking outside. Rain and hurricane. That's not a time for going out. "Yeah, man's a hero. We were officially out of hunter's helper." Dean said and gestured at an empty liquor bottle. "That's not healthy." I pointed out. "Come on. Of course it's healthy. I'm still alive." Winchester said. "Hello, boys. You've seen 'the Godfather', right?" "Balthazar..." Dean said as I stood up. "Sophia?" Balthazar asked shocked. "Hello, brother." I said. "You're from the past, aren't you?" He wanted to know. "I am, yeah." I replied. "Good. You can go with them. So... You know, the end, where Michael Corleone sends his men to kill his enemies in one big, bloody swoop?" Balthazar found a container of salt and poured it into a bowl on Bobby's desk. "Hey!" Dean said. "'Dead Sea brine.' Good, good, good. You know, Moe Greene gets it in the eye, and Don Cuneo gets it in the revolving door?" He asked, ignoring Dean. "I said 'hey.'"
Balthazar stopped and looked at Winchester: "You did. Twice. Good for you. Blood of lamb. Blood of lamb." He looked through Bobby's fridge contents. "Beer, cold pizza. Blood of lamb. Yes! Blood of lamb!" "Why are you talking about 'the Godfather'?" Sam asked him. "Because we're in it- right now, tonight. And in the role of Michael Corleone- The Archangel Raphael." Balthazar answered. Right the- the civil war. "You mind telling us what you mean?" Dean asked him.
"No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no." He emptied the contents of Bobby's desk drawer. "Yes. Bone of a lesser saint. This vertebra will do very nicely. Your Mr. Singer does keep a beautiful pantry." Balthazar stated. He wanted to send us somewhere... But where? "Wait, Raphael is after you?" Dean asked. "Raphael is after us all. Well, now that Sophia's here, I don't think he's after her... You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move." Balthazar replied. Raphael, what are you doing? "And where's Cas?" Sam asked this time.
"Oh, Cassie? He is deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit list on every last Samaritan who helped our dear Cas- Including both of you. And so much more importantly, me. See, he wants to draw Cas out in the open." He explained. "And you expect us to just believe you?" Sam asked suspiciously.
"Oh, don't. You'll go where I throw you either way." Balthazar pointed out.
"What's that supposed to mean? Where are you sending us, Balthazar?" I asked him as lightning flashed. "That's all the time we have, gentlemen, Sophia." He said and opened his jacket, revealing a bloodstain on his side. "What happened?" I asked concerned. "Oh. Garish, I know. You see, uncle Raffy sent one of his nastiest to handle me. I'm flattered, actually. And down a lung at the moment, but that's all right." Balthazar said and gave Sam a key. "Oh, here's for you." "What am I supposed to do with this?" Sam asked.
"Run with it." Balthazar said and was thrown across the room. An Angel appeared, Virgil. "Virgil." Balthazar and I said. "I said, run!" Balthazar shouted and pushed us through the window which is marked with a blood sigil. Oh no. Parallel world. We crashed through Bobby's window and landed on a mattress on a TV show set. "Cut." Someone patted Dean and said: "Real good solid fall. Way to go." "Jared, Jensen, Crystal! Outstanding! That was just great." Someone else shouted.
"'Supernatural', scene one echo, take one. Tail slate. Marker!" "So... No Angels?" Sam asked. "No Angels, I think. Besides Sophia." Dean replied. We were all looking around, confused. Balthazar sent us to a parallel world, where this is a TV show. "Should we be killing anybody?" Sam asked unsure. "I don't think so." Winchester told him. "Running?" Little Winchester asked. "Where?" I picked up a piece of the window which wobbled back and forth, clearly made of some kind of gel. "Moving on! That's a wrap on Jared, Jensen and Crystal!" "W-who the hell are-" "Jared! Crystal! Three minutes, okay? Great." A woman said and took Sam and me by the hand. We were sitting on weird chairs. "Trish Evian here with Jared Padalecki and Crystal Reed from TV's Supernatural. So, Jared, Crystal, season six." She started. I saw Sam looking over his shoulder into the set of the panic room. Then he looked back in confusion. "What?" "You beat the devil, lost your soul, and got it back again. So tell us, what's next for Sam Winchester?" She's an interviewer, of course. "Look, I-I-I really don't-" "Oh, and if you could include the question in your answer? Thanks. And Crystal. How is it to be back on the show? What can we expect from Sophia? How long will you be back? What about the relationship between Dean and Sophia?" She asked me now. Sam laughed nervously. "Well, Trish. It's great to be back on the show. I love the crew, love the cast. About the relationship between Dean and Sophia... All I can say is- wait and see. But I think it will quiet surprise you. And Sophia. All that with Time travelling. It's hard for her, to fit in. Let's just hope she'll manage." I told her, smiling sweetly. "Thank you, but- we need to go." I said and took Sam's hand. "That was brilliant." Sam stated in awe. "I know. I'm flawless." I said cheekily. We saw Dean coming our way.
"Hey." We said. "Dude, they put freakin' makeup on us! Those bastards!" Dean said hysterically. "Look, I think I know what this is." Sam said. "You figured it out now? Seriously?" I asked. "What? You know what this is?" Sam asked shocked. "Of course I know. Second I saw the sigil Balthazar drew on the window." I pointed out. "Okay. What?" Dean asked me. "It's a parallel world where our life, everything, is a TV show." I explained. "Why?" Winchester asked. "I don't know." I replied. "No, seriously. Why? Why would anybody want to watch our lives?" He asked again. "Well, I mean, according to that interviewer, not very many people do. Look, I'm not saying it makes sense. I'm just saying, we- we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, Sophia's a Crystal and I'm something called a 'Jared Padalecki'." Sam stated. "So what, now you're polish? Is any of this making any sense to you?" Dean asked. We left the studio and saw their black car. "Oh, hey. Least my baby made it." Winchester said happily. A crewmember started flinging mud onto the windshield. "Hey. Hey! What-" Dean stopped and looked to his right. There stood three more identical cars. "I feel sick. I'm gonna be sick. I want to go home. I feel like this whole place is bad-touching me." Dean commented. I put a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, I know. Me too. So, what do you think? Cas?" Sam asked. "Hello? I'm here too." I stated. "Okay. Zap us out of here then." Dean said. I put each two fingers on their heads. Something's wrong. "Uh- I think my powers aren't working here." I stated after a while. "What? Are you serious?" Dean asked. "No. I'm being incredibly sarcastic." I said. "Okay. So Cas. He's our best shot, if he's still alive. Dear Castiel, who art maybe running his ass away from heaven, we pray that you have your ears on. So... Breaker breaker..." Dean opened his eyes and we looked around. "Cas? Cas! Hey, Cas! Oh, thank god. What is all this, huh? 
W-w-what did Balthazar do to us? Sophia said parallel universe. Is it true?" Dean asked. "To keep you out of Virgil's reach, he's cast you into an alternate reality, a universe similar to ours in most respects yet dramatically different in others." Castiel explained.
"Like- like Bizarro Earth, right? Except instead of having Bizarro Superman, we get this clown factory." Winchester stated, clearly annoyed. "Um... Yeah, well... Anyway, no time to explain. Do you have the key?" Castiel asked. "Yeah. So, uh, what does this thing do, anyway?" Sam asked while giving him the key. "It opens a room." He replied. "What's in the room?" I asked. "Every weapon Balthazar stole from heaven." Castiel answered. "He gave it to us?" Dean asked confused.
"To keep it safe until I could reach you. With those weapons and Sophia on my side, I have a chance to rally my forces." Castiel pointed out. "Wait, what?" I muttered confused. I'm not fighting Raphael. "Oh. Okay, good. Yeah. So, now, uh, what's the deal with all this TV crap?" Sam asked.
"Pardon?" Castiel asked confused. "Yeah. Amen, Padaleski." Dean bit in.
"Uh, '-lecki.'" Little Winchester corrected. "What?" "'-Lecki.' Pretty sure." He said again. "Man. Did they put out new pages?" Castiel asked in a higher voice' putting out papers. "New what?" I asked. "I mean, is this some kind of cosmic joke?" Sam asked. "Yeah, 'cause if it is, it's stupid, and we don't get it." Dean commented.
"Yeah." We agreed. "Are you guys okay?" He asked. "Wait. Give me that... That's a script." I explained. "That's not Castiel." I stated. "Look at him." Sam said. "You guys want to run lines, or...?" He asked, unbutonning his shirt to reveal a patterned new age t-shirt underneath. Winchester took the script from my hand. "His name's Misha. Misha?" "Oh, wow. Just... Great." Sam commented as we walked away. "Misha? Jensen? Crystal? What's up with the names around here?" Dean asked. "You guys! You really punked me! I'm totally gonna tweet this one." Not!Castiel shouted. "I just want to dig my finger in my brain and scratch until we're back in Kansas." Dean said disgusted. We walked by a giant trailer, as I stopped them. Something caught my eye. "'J. Ackles.'" I said. "That's fake me!" Dean stated. "Yeah." We agreed. "This must be fake mine." He added. We entered the trailer and looked around. "Dude, I have a helicopter!" Winchester said delighted.
"Oh. All right, who puts a 300-gallon aquarium in their trailer?" Sam asked as he turned around. Wow. "Apparently, Jensen Ackles." Dean replied. "Huh. All right, here we go. Let's see who this guy is." Sam said and walked over to a laptop. "Well, he's not a hunter, but he plays one on TV." Dean pointed at a large TV at the back of the trailer that's playing- something. I picked up a magazine with Dean and Sam on the cover. I showed it Dean and laughed. Winchester came over and took it. "Come on. Look at these male-modelin' sons of bitches. Nice 'blue steel', Sam." Dean said disgusted. "Hey. Apparently, it's our job. All right, uh, here goes. Um... It says you're from Texas." Sam started. "Really?" He asked. "Yeah. And, uh... Oh. Says you were on a soap opera." I laughed. "He was what?" Sam clicked on a clip. It was about the Jensen guy. "If I didn't have cancer, and I wasn't married, and I had plenty of money... Would you- would you want to run away with me?" The girl asked. "Money? What, you think I really care about money, Nicole? I care that you're healthy." Jensen asked, kind of sexy. "Well, I'm no quitter, Eric. I- I-" Dean slammed the laptop shut and said: "Don't like this universe, Sammy. We need to get out of this universe, Sophia." "Couldn't agree more." I told him. "Yeah. But I don't think our- our prayers are reaching Cas. Or the real Cas." Sam pointed out. "Well, I agree. I think we are definitely out of, uh, soul-phone range. But..." Dean stopped. "What?"
"If we can reverse Balthazar's spell... I watched every move. We just, uh, get the ingredients, right, get back to that same window, and... There's no place like home." Dean said. I don't think that'll work. But I think the Winchesters need to concentrate on something, before they go totally insane.

We were back on the set. "Backbone of a lesser saint." Sam pulled out the bone out of Bobby's drawer. "Got it. Uh..." He poked the bone. "It's rubber." "Check this out." Dean said and hold up a dagger. "Hey, look. It's fake." Winchester jabbed the fake dagger at Sam's chest. "It's all fake!" I took out my blade and looked at it. That was a fake too. "What are we supposed to do with this crap?" Dean asked us.

"Well. Of course everything is fake. We're on a film set." I pointed out. We approached one of the cars. "We got to get back to the real world." Sam stated. "Yeah, now you're talking." Dean said and we entered. He started the car. "All right, we go round up the genuine articles, bring 'em here for the spell. What the hell is going on? What is wrong with this thing?" "Beside the usual small space, noise-" "Yes, Sophia. We know. You still hate cars." Dean cut me off. "Mr. Ackles! Mr. Ackles, please!" A crewmember shouted whilst running.
"Uh, Dean?" Sam asked. "God, Mr. Ackles, please!" "Dean, it's not the impala." Little Winchester stated.
"Please! Stop." The crewmember shouted. "You think?" Dean asked. "Please!" "It's a frigging prop! Just like everything else." Dean said. He stopped the car and we exited it. "Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for..." "How the hell are we supposed to get out of here?" Dean asked loudly.

We were sitting in a car with Clif. Our personal driver. "You know whereabouts you want me to drop you off? Jensen? Crystal? "Us? Yes. Um... We- we'll just tag along with, uh-"
"Jared." I cut Dean off. "Jared... Jared here." Winchester agreed. "Huh. Since when are you guys talking?" Clif asked.
"Well, you see, Cliff. I think we're gonna go back to Jared's place and do some work on our acting." I explained. "Yeah." Both Winchesters agreed. "For our characters. For the show." Dean added. "Yeah." "All right." Cliff said.
"Where the hell are we, anyway? Dude, we're not even in America." Dean stated. I looked up at the sign. We were in Vancouver.

Sam, Dean and I entered the mansion. It was huge. "Nice modest digs, Jay-z." Dean commented. "Wow. I must be the star of this thing." Sam said in awe.
"Yeah, right. Dream on, little Winchester. Hey. Check it out." I said and motioned towards a tanning bed.
"What am I, Dracula?" Sam asked. "George Hamilton Dracula. Oh. Now we're talking." Dean said as he noticed the alcohol. He walked over to the window. "Dude, you have a camel in your backyard." "It's an alpaca, dumbass." I turned around to see a woman on the stairs. "Ruby?" Dean asked shocked. Wait, Ruby? As in the Demon Ruby? "'Ruby'. right. That one never gets old." She said sarcastically. "How was work today, hon?" She asked, kissing Sam. Woah. What? "Hey, Crys." She said to me. "Hey." I said awkwardly. "Wait. You and Ruby?" Dean asked. "Do you honestly think that's funny, Jensen?" Not Ruby asked. "Right. Right. 'cause you're not Ruby. You... I mean, how could you be? You... Of course! You are the lovely actress who plays Ruby. And you are, uh, in... Jared's house, uh, because you two are... Married!" Dean stated as he noticed a photograph of their marriage. "You married fake Ruby?" Dean asked disgusted. "What are you doing?" She asked confused. "Work. We're doing some improvisation." I explained. "Yeah, just, uh, thought Sophia and I'd pop in, say 'hey.' Hey. Uh, and- and- and maybe run some lines. It's..." Dean stopped, thinking what to say next. "Crystal, sure. But you've never even been to our house." She stated. "Well, now that I know there's an alpaca out back, I'm definitely coming back." Dean stated, laughing a little. "Alpacas are the greenest animal." I explained and not Ruby smiled at me. "Right. Right. That is so important." Winchester said, looking at me. "Well, there's that thing I have to get to." Not Ruby then stated. "Oh, yeah. Of course, yeah. The thing." Sam said. "The international otter adoption charity dinner?" She said questionable. "Oh." "Okay, well." She kissed Sam. "Well, I'm glad you three are talking, anyway." "Yeah." Sam muttered as not Ruby left the room.
"Well, looks like you did all right." Dean commented. "Yeah. Yeah." Sam agreed. "You should figure out her name." I pointed out. "Yeah, I really should."