The Day I Questioned Life...

EPILOGUE : BEYOND DOUBTS

People stared at us as we got ourselves inside. Maybe everyone’s got the habit of checking whose entering. Honestly, I'm not use to this hostile feeling, thus I hide my face with a baseball cap. Marle noticed my strange actions quickly and took it off and drags me at the corner-most side of the café.

‘Wow this place brings back such good memories…!’

“Have you been here before…?”

‘This café was established back when Riverside still exist. Don’t you remember going to this place?”

“No… I don’t remember much from back then other than-that day…”
‘How surprising… I see you've changed so much. I couldn't even recognize you at first. It might be difficult and everything is just a little bit overwhelming for you, but you sure have grown into a fine young man! Don’t worry, you'll be okay now. I can take you in and we will stay in my house because that’s what family’s do-

STOP IT!

“Family!? Where were you, people all this time? You weren’t even there for me! I’ve waited on that bed for days waiting to have a family by my side. It’s all me, alone, up to this point!”
Marle tried to hold my hand, but I pushed her away. It was quite a scene. I was at my worst each and every day. My heart grew even darker filled with nothing but hate.

‘Joseph please! Let’s talk about this… let me explain!’

“No. You can’t make me feel better. You can’t make me laugh the same anymore, or smile the same, or talk the same. I wasted my parent's hard-earned money on booze. Auntie, I'm exhausted from everything right now, don’t you see? Just let me be.”

I can see her losing her once cheerful self. I shook my head in disappointment. I was right-I should've never come to this place! It just pisses me off involving other people in my situation. I stood up and left, but as I went outside, she hurriedly reached for my hand.
'Come on, Joseph! Don't turn your back on me! Nothing good will happen if you kept holding onto the past!'

"I'll be fine, Aunt Marle. Maybe I don’t need family…"

'What game are you playing, huh? Living your life for those people gives you meaning. I know you ever since you’re a young boy running around with Kate! You can’t give up like this… I can't bear to see my nephew hurting so much... We are family, understand? I may not be there with you for I have a reason, but you’re not pushing me away!'

There were tears dripping once I’ve heard Marle spoke of her name, and everything comes flowing back to me. I kept on my back and ignored her kindness and just walked away...

---

On the morning of the 13th of June 2012, I have decided to visit Kate for the very first time. She was buried in Eternal Haven Memorial Park. It was a peaceful place to rest. The cold breeze flew silently, brushing the flowers along the pathways. There are some people lighting up candles for their beloved, as a sign of out-most respect and unconditional love.
I found her lot and it was beautiful. Her family built a small fence around her, and they have erected a small monument in her honor. I was written there as one of the people who loved and grieved for Kate. I tried to hold it in, but I broke out in tears anyway.

"There you are Kate... how's it been? It's been three years… I missed how we used to talk every day of our childhood, and how you were able to tell everything on your mind. I miss those conversations. I don’t feel prepared seeing you like this, but then I guess, no one is prepared for this type of situation. My aunt encouraged me to see you, I never believed myself for following her blindly. I thought of her as childish and insensitive, but I was rude to her. I'm no better than her. I have nothing to regret but spending less time with you than I could. You were there for me as a friend, a family, a wife. Now, to return the favor, I'm here for you. You live your life to its extent, and I am proud of you. I will never forget you, my love... you will surely be missed..."
Aunt Marle who stood beside me held my hand. She took me on her shoulders as I wept. "I want to apologize, and give thanks to you auntie. I've decided to see myself as a different person. I hate change and I sure hate goodbyes, but that is life. I must go on..." she wiped my tears and said me: It is alright to cry, Joseph. You are put to these times of darkness only to surpass it and attain light, not stay on it. We need to accept that the reality we live in always changes. I know it hurts to wave goodbye to the person you loved, but it is a decision that kept you strong. You're a good person with a great heart.

I closed my eyes and Marle gave me a warm embrace as she took me in. I'm blessed to have this strong support from a family. A warm feeling of acceptance reminding me that someone will be at my side when I am at my weakest. It was a difficult journey through the vast oceans of darkness, but I’ve kept my faith and the courage in my heart to face it head on. Today may be the saddest goodbye I have ever done, yet there will always be a tomorrow after this. As I opened my eyes, I saw but a slight of reality as vague figure of a childhood friend smiling back at me.

My greatest test isn’t over…

-END-