CHOSEN LIFE BEFORE BIRTH Reincarnation, karma and chosen parents. Part I

I don't think I felt really happy ever... Maybe just for a few short moments that passed like it never happened. What is the real happiness? I guess for everyone it is a different thing. Stop for a while, I want you to replay in your memory right now the happiest moment of your life. Remember it. Do you feel how a warm and nice wave covers your head and all of your body? Do you feel a kind of electricity waves going through you? Yea you feel excited right now because your brain replayed that nice moment in your memory and you felt like it just happened again like it was for the first time. Assuming it I could say that memory is an unbelievable nice part of us but is it always like that? In my case memory plays a bad game with me. As I said before, there are just very a few small good things for me to remember. My memory bothers me because it reminds me all the pain that I had and still have. A mental pain which cannot be compared with a physical pain. It's much stronger, it's unbearable, destroying from inside. I was suffering all my life. I know that my pain is not the biggest one in the whole world, there are people suffering much more than I do. I realize it. But I am there and my pain is with me here right now. This topic is about a feeling that disturbs me from a normal human life. It makes me think about my existence over and over again. Why ma I there? What is my life's purpose and how I must improve? What are the reasons of my suffering? Why it's so hard to change the key aspects? It doesn't matter you believe in reincarnation or not because it doesn't change the law of the Universe. The law exists already ages and nobody knows for how long... If you don't believe in it or you don't follow it, that doesn't mean that it doesn't affect you or you won't be responsible for your made actions. What is the karma? People used to consider it as a terrible fortune, as a punishment. But the reality is not that. Karma is not a good or a bad thing, so to speak, it's a response of your actions depending on how good or bad they were. Furthermore there is no fated or predicted end for our journeys on Earth. This is why we come here many times to improve ourselves and overcome our problems. Sometimes our ego takes an advantage of our soul in that case we stop seeing our target and have to come back here again to complete it. Moreover if the person finished his life by choosing a suicide before his time to leave, as he wasted the time here, he must come back and learn it again just in different conditions. That's why it's better to do your best to complete your path in this life as it was planned before you came there. Just to write this fact here, I had to read many books during last 5 years, visit some important seminars and meet some higher teachers. You don't have to trust my words, but listen to your heart and you will know the answer. My way of thinking is absolutely not right. I am a depressive, sad and unhappy individual who still doesn't lose her belief of having a better time. I am asking God always: "Father, please, answer my prays, why do you still keep me there?" I am suffering there, I feel that this is not the place where I belong to! I feel lonely because I am very far from my home. I feel sick and tired. I still think about the suicide. I am so so so lonely... No matter how many people could be around me — I am alone.'' When for the first time I heard the theory of choosing parents yourself or with a Spiritual Guide before your birth, I couldn't believe that, moreover I was denying it. Only now, after so many years I allowed that idea to come into my mind. As the matter of fact, I started to seek for a good explanation why I chose these people as my parents. The truth is that my relationship with mother was wrong from a very beginning. I don't think she loved me and wanted me ever but I cannot get to know it already — she is dead since 2006. All the story of relationship with parents will be told but in a special topic about that. My father is still alive but for me he is dead. This is a cruel reality of my story. Only when I was a child my communication with him was nice but it was only once. Everything is changed. He hates me now. Concluding all — I didn't have parents. Maybe now, my reader, you can understand why I couldn't believe that I chose these people myself to become my parents. Right now I am reading very interesting and informative book written by Newton Michael, that pushed me to start analyzing this situation. Now I realize that I had to do that long time ago. I strongly believe in God but I am not religious at all, I mean I don't believe in churches and popes. So I am not a fanatic. So why I am a daughter of those people I cannot say fully until now as I didn't find all answers yet. But I am on my way so I have at least few explanations. My father was always into a religion, I could say, even too much... Like last 3 years and until now he finally went to study in seminary. He wants to be a pope but he can't stop judging people...So he gave me the ground of belief in God. It means it supposed to help me to find my way on the Earth to complete my purpose easier. And my mother... Oh Gosh, I don't even know if she believed in God existence ever! I have realized it only now and there is no one left to ask as she is dead. But anyway since I never heard her talking about God or going to the church it gave me a balance between belief in God and not becoming a fanatic. If my mother would be stuck in belief just like my father is, probably I would be too much into a religion which is not really good. Don't get me wrong, I am not against any religion, but religions are wrong somehow. They consider God as someone who is doing Justice but in that way, that He punishes you whatever you are wrong in. I think each of you used to hear an expression: God fearing. That's where I find it very wrong. Religion makes people to fear God, so they would be forced to act the way described in Bible, Koran, Tora and etc. But who are they in this case? They are just a flock blindly following the rules and not doing what they came here for. I know one thing for sure — every soul that came to the Earth (Lady Gaya), came to grow and improve spiritually. But then I have a logical question: How can somebody grow spiritually if he is just a part of the flock, blindly following someone or something (ex. Idea)? God is our loving Father who forgives us everything so how can we even say that someone must fear a God?? It's a nonsense! I could give many examples like that to deny that, but I am not writing this topic to discuss religion in general or Bible even. Bible is a great holy book anyway, just people interpret and get it wrong. People twist things the way it is more comfortable to them. I know one more thing for sure: accidental things just don't exist. Everything happens for a reason. So regarding that, I could start to complain about that I never had a good relationship with my parents but I won't, because it means there are unsolved issues for which I came for. I had to be exactly inn that place, with those people and exactly by that time. I am not sure which of them is right or maybe even both of them are right. Firstly, I suspect that this sad experience with them was supposed to make me stronger and independent. Another reason could be that I should find a way to make my relationship better with my father. But for the last one, I lost my hope already. Either I or him f*cked up. Honestly last 3 years, all the time, I was trying to change our relationship with him to the better but in the end, he still said many rubbish and offensive things and "closed" his door for me forever. Now we took a decision, that we don't exist to each other. In this case, I think I will not be responsible because I have really tried and a communication — it's something what always comes from two people. He didn't want to change anything. He said straight ahead, that he doesn't love me. I think this decision is going to be under him and his karma. I know that my soul is quit old, just don't know how much. Am just 28 years old (2015) yet but even when I was 15 I was feeling so old already. I became mature very early. It seems there were so many things I knew already even I was not supposed to know them. I have an amazing talent of singing and I believe it couldn't be given to me just without any reason, my time will come and it will come soon (find my singing biography in topic Singing Heaven I-III parts). I must become very rich. It's one of my biggest purposes because I really want to change the world by helping animals and people. I want to open animal shelters. Open a center of spiritual help for people. And just help for those who really need it just the way I can. Even now if I can help to somebody with something, I still do it, but words and support sometimes are not enough. Many of them need a real support such as money, food, asylum and etc. That's why I have to become very rich. I feel that I can and I have to change many things around. I would lie if I would say that I don't want to be rich for my personal needs also, of course I am a human as I desire many things, but just I am saying, that it's not the main purpose to me. I remember, that many friends of mine told me, that I am very simple just now, because I am not famous, that when I will be, I will change and won't communicate with them again. I always was arguing with them because I know who I am. I am not that kind of person who is desperate to control people, to take an advantage of their situation. I know why I need that money. I will be able to reach my target then. When I will be known and famous I will be able to attract more reach people to help others. I just know that greed is something I overcame many life's before, that's how I know, it's a part of my program on Earth.

My dear reader, I really hope that my topic was interesting for you at least a little bit. I desire so much that it would help you to realize some important things so you could remember who you are and why you're there right now. My analyzing just began but I hope I will reach a necessary level to complete my mission here. Wish the same for you. If you don't know why you are there and what exactly you must do just ask Archangel Michael to show you your forgotten way and targets. Never lose hope and be strong. Remember that everything has a reason.