Beautiful Pills

Untitled part

Sydney startled awake.

"Good moooorning!!!!"

Sydney sighed heavily and rolled over to look at her clock, grunting as she read it. "Are you serious, Stephan? It's five in the morning on a Sunday!" She shoved her face under her pillow and scrunched her eyes tightly. "Wanna sleep more."

"Well, I'm bored. Wake up wake up wake up! There's nothing to do while you're asleep."

"Yes. That's kind of the point of sleeping, Stephan. Now shut up."

"Hmmph. You are the boringest of boring."

Sydney smiled as quiet settled back over her. She began to gently drift off, when suddenly....

"OK, nope. You got five minutes. Drag your ass out of this bed!"

"You know what, Stephan? Screw you." Sydney grumbled and sat up, bags under her eyes. Her mind instantly added up the amount of sleep she'd had: two hours. Barely.

"Ok, thinking about how much sleep you've had is only going to make you more tired. See, that's why you already feel sleepy again."

"No, Stephan, I feel sleepy because you fucking kept me up until three and woke me up at five!"

"It's too quiet when you're asleep."

Sydney moaned and dropped her head into her hands. "That's why I like it."

She mustered what energy she could and stood up. She robotically made her way around her room, doing her best to ignore Stephan's daily comments.

"Really? That shirt? Fine, fine, do what you want."

"What the fuck is going on with your hair? Is the latest style to be ugly as shit?"

"Ok, what is the point of getting dressed and fixing your face when you're just going to spend the rest of the day doing nothing like you always do?"

Sydney left her small room and stepped into her even smaller bathroom. She brushed her teeth and opened the medicine cabinet, pulling down an array of colorful pills. Purple, yellow, orange, and green. Happy Sunday, Sydney.

"You spend so much on those pills and they do jack shit. Still here, you whiny wimp. I'm not a fucking disease."

Sydney slammed down the pill bottle she was holding and gripped the edges of the counter so tightly her knuckles turned white. She stared down her own reflection with fury.

"I will spend every dollar I have, down to my last penny, if it means that I get rid of you!"

Sydney glared into her own eyes. She knew he could see her. He could feel her rage, she didn't have to tell him.

"Well, now that's just rude."

She sighed, exasperated, and forced herself to let go of the counter. "Eff you, Stephan." She grabbed her pills and downed them in one swallow, dry. She needed some air.

"Woah! You want us to leave the apartment? But what about your shitty hair? You know everyone is gonna notice it. Although to be honest, today your face looks about ten time worse. Why are your eyes black?"

Sydney grabbed her jacket and purse, heading for the door. She had plenty of responses for Stephan, but was done with being baited. She shoved down her thoughts the best she could and stormed out the door.

"Soo, where are we going? It's not like you have any friends."

Sydney hummed loudly in the elevator, a nice song that she'd heard on the radio the day before.

"Great. Pop music. Nice taste."

Sydney could feel the sarcasm. She would not be baited. The elevator doors dinged open, and with the peppiest step she could fake, she hopped out and through the lobby into the frosty air. She decided to head for the park to see if the pond had frozen over. With no friends and no money, she didn't have many places to go.

"See? You think the same things I say, and then you get pissy when I say them. You know you have no friends and no money, so why do you even give a shit?"

Sydney walked quickly and firmly down her block, do her best to ignore him. She'd left in such a rush, she'd forgotten to grab her headphones to help drown Stephan out.

As she turned the corner, just starting to feel slightly better, she saw a group of her old co-workers. Crap.

"Oh hell yes, this is gonna be hilarious."

Sydney began to turn, planning on running across the street for the freedom of the other side, when she heard the annoyingly energetic call of what was (unfortunately) her name.

"Sydney! Oh my God, it's been forever! You didn't even say goodbye after your last shift! How have you-Jesus Christ, Sydney, you look exhausted. Are you doing ok?"

"Ohhh, told you so! This bitch doesn't even know you and she agrees with me." Stephan's voice rang louder than it had all morning.

Sydney's mind began to take over. Why did she care? Why did she fucking care? She didn't know Sydney. They barely even spoke when they still worked together! Sydney couldn't push it down anymore. All she could hear was her thoughts, Stephan's laugh--everything he'd said--all of it was true.

Sydney turned. She didn't even know if she'd responded, she just knew that now she was walking. She was back in the elevator. Back in the apartment. Back in bed.

"...welp, that outing didn't last long."

"I HATE YOU, STEPHAN!"

She jumped up and ran to the bathroom. Those pills were about to finally do something right.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a turn of events for the better!"

Sydney dumped out all the purples, all the yellows, all the oranges, and all the greens. Her palm was a rainbow of beautiful death. She held her hand to her mouth, salty tears falling and mixing with her saliva.

"Do it. Do it, you weak bitch."

She sobbed, her voice coming in frantic, panicked gasps. "I don't--I don't know if I can--"

"You can't do anything! Even when you hate literally everything about living, you can't bring yourself to do the one thing that would actually help--ending this shit! Once and for all!"

Sydney looked down at her hand. It would be so easy. No one would come looking for her. No one would even miss her. Every day hurt so, so badly. She didn't want to do it anymore.

She couldn't do it anymore.

She raised her hand back up to her lips.

She poured the pills into her mouth.

"Fucking finally."

Suddenly Sydney realized what was in her mouth. She had bottle after bottle of pills, prescribed by doctor after doctor, all to keep her alive. All to try and help her, her valuable life, because that's what it was.

Valuable.

Sydney spat the pills into the sink. The colors, just beginning to dissolve, smeared together into a beautiful watercolor portrait. A beautiful rainbow of life.

Stephan groaned. "Goddamn it!"

Sydney ran the back of her hand across her mouth and smiled through her stained teeth.

"You're stuck with me, fucker. And I'm gonna win."