Where It Went Wrong, A Red Queen Fanfiction: Completed

Chapter 23

The air that occupies the castle is harsh, and I struggle to breathe. That letter cannot possibly be real. There is no way that Cal would ever want to stay under the hands of King Terrell. How could he possibly make friends in such a place?

How could he make friends when he had never said goodbye to me?

My breaths become harsh as I run out of the palace doors, out into the fresh air of the gardens where I can finally try to think properly. See, Cal. Look what you have done. Look what the Calore brothers have done to my life. If only I hadn't met them, then perhaps this is wouldn't have happened.

All of the heart breaking and murders wouldn't have happened, but I would also be missing out on so much.

The edge of the garden is near, and I've finally reached my favourite bench. A bench that I've always gone to in times of need, recently. I have to keep telling myself that Cal is alright. And perhaps if he doesn't want to come back, that is the best for him. Whatever makes him happy will eventually make me happy, too.

Nevertheless, the words of his letter have jumped out of the crumpled paper and ripped my heart out. There's no way that he could actually mean all of that. Sure, Norta isn't perfect. I know that for a fact. Yet couldn't he say goodbye? Tell me that everything we did together may have actually meant something to him?

Not caring if anyone can see me, I let the tears slide down my face. The ones that I have been holding back for years. Over Shade's death, the damage that I did to Gisa's life, how I eventually led Kilorn to being a part of the Scarlet Guard, how Cal and Maven thought I was dead all along and it destroyed them...

Guilt piles up onto my heart, weighing it down even further. It hurts. It hurts. It always has. My whole composure is exposed, lungs rattling breaths in and out. Shadows lurk around me, tempting me to join their expanses. In my world, they dominate the light. Part of me wants to give in, to hurt others the way that they have hurt me. To give in to the part of me that has been whispering, even when I was younger and jealous of my little sister.

Maven did it, and it didn't take him long. He let the words destroy him, stronger than silence creeping in on the loudest of souls. He thought that the one that he loved was gone, and so do I, now.

Pulling my knees to my chest, I cover my ears with my hands. It's like what I did when I was little, and my parents were mad at me. Squeezing myself smaller and smaller so that I don't burden the world with my presence.

I stay like this for a while, but I cannot tell how long precisely. My body convulses, as all the tears are gone and it's the only thing that I can do to let my fear out. Hair falls into my face, becoming wet and stuck to my face after a minute.

A pair of warm arms are wrapped around me, and I shiver with the contact. "Cal....?" I murmur, voice croaky and sore from sobbing my heart out into the air around me. The person sits beside me, and I lean into them. My eyes are firmly closing out the world, trying to ignore my perfectly fabricated surroundings.

"It's not Cal, darling. It's his shadow brother," the person says. My heart swoops downwards before I hitch another breath.

The shadow brother sits still, my rock. He doesn't speak directly to me, and I feel grateful. "Did you read the letter, Maven? Do you think that he.... actually means that he won't come back? After everything he has accomplished here. Doesn't he realize that he has us? The Scarlet Guard want him back, too. His army. Only a couple of the starchy Silvers who want the title of being a Prince don't agree."

King Maven of Norta looks me in the eye before replying. "I'm sorry that I made you read that in front of everyone. I assumed that it would be something positive, not the letter of no return. Mare, I'm so sorry. Tell me if there's anything that I can do-"

"It's alright," I interrupt. "All we can do is to get him back and present the option. Even if he doesn't want to be with us. Just please, don't abandon me. Please don't do like my friends did before. Don't abandon me because I'm crazy..."

"I would never." He states, expression furious. "If I could, Mare, I would find every man that had ever questioned you and make them question themselves."

The thought makes me smile through my tears. "Would that include you, Maven?"

Maven scowls at my question, and looks away from me. "You're right. Just like Atessa, you're always right. I should question myself. I haven't learned my lesson from that year. I told myself that I had done wrong. Forcefully, sometimes. I knew that I had done wrong, and that my mother had tainted my blood more than I thought I had."

He's in full blown criticism mode, and I've never seen him quite like this before. "Although I think that it was my mother who ultimately tainted my blood, it was I who continued on with her wishes. Maybe I could have said no, but I just chose not to in those moments." Maven puts his head between his hands, breathing deeply.

"At first, you were only a pawn in my game. Now I fear that I'm a piece in your game, and you have me at your every beck and call. I'm smitten, and when you're around, I cannot think for myself."

Although I've had my doubts about Maven many times before, something now makes me feel empathy for the king in front of me. Predetermined and selected by his mother to be a ruler, but a ruler that was controlled by her very own hands. Her icy fingers froze his mind and heart so that she could do everything for him. It turned him into a clockwork soldier, ready and programmed for what was to come next. "You shouldn't have done that to yourself."

"Pardon?"

"You shouldn't have broken yourself for my benefit or anyone else's. But I am so grateful that you're here now, regardless. Despite the fact that you know that I will be missing Cal, you're still here. If I don't say it another time, let me tell you now. Thank you for helping me find Cal," I say, looking into his eyes.

My heart jumps inexplicably as he smiles in response. "About that. What I wanted to tell you when you were feeling better again. The Silvers have agreed to your idea about having me distract the Lakeland king. I will inconspicuously hand him back his wife, and that's hoping that he doesn't do anything rash in retaliation. Then, the rest of the volunteers, including you, will go into the prison so as to retrieve Cal."

"How do you think that we're going to find him?"

"We've got it covered," King Maven responds. "The general that you were talking to before knows his way around the prison that Cal's in. We can use him to get around. And I guess if Cal doesn't want to come with us, then that's his choice. I will fight for you, if you want him to stay, though."

He stares at my agape mouth, eyebrows creased. "Sometimes I just don't know what to say," I admit, not wanting to seem ungrateful for all of the work he is going to do for my benefit.

"Words will kill us all, eventually."

Before I can process what he's said, my mouth opens wide to emit a large yawn. The day's events have drained me, and I know that all I need now is a proper rest. "You should probably retire to your room now," Maven says, but I'm not paying attention.

What he's saying is right. Words can hurt more than we think they can. Elara used them for her own good, twisting them into people's minds like a drill. Sometimes they were twisted to hurt, others to make the person inexplicably happy. Words hurt more than they should, and they pile up on our shoulders. He's right, they will kill us all.

"You're right about words," I murmur. "Cal's words will get us if we don't act to contradict them, to prove them wrong. When are we going to get him, Maven?"

He stands wearily, finally showing his true despair after the letter from his half brother. Maven's shoulders slump in a way that is painfully familiar. "Unfortunately, I don't know the absolute answer to that, Mare. I will push to get going tomorrow, if that pleases your fancy."

"Thank you, Maven. For everything you've done," I say, rising from the seat.

When I sat down here, I felt despair. Now, I feel the opposite. All thanks to Maven.

A/N: Thank you very much for reading!