At first I thought I was going crazy, but now I realize that I wasn't. I thought I was imagining everything but now that I think about it, I was trying so hard to not accept the truth. I knew that if I accepted the truth I would be in pain, and I was right. I just wish that I wasn't.
I'm falling for you Park Jimin and I wish that I wasn't. You don't like me and you never will I'm sure of that. The truth is you're straight and I'm gay, but I haven't came out yet. Nobody will accept me for me, not even you. In class I hear you talk about how disgusting it is for a guy to kiss another guy. In my head I always think about kissing you but I know that it will never happen. When we are in writing class I see you stare at the teacher assistant. I see how you always get up and walk past her desk and mess with her. I try so hard to ignore you're tiny giggles but I can't, that sound always makes my heart skip a beat.
My chances of being with you are slim. I'm not even in second place, not in third either. You probably would give every girl in this world a chance before choosing me. You like Hyolyn not me. She is everything I'm not and never will be. She is so pretty and she can get any guy in the school and she knows that, super funny and cool to be around, and confident. The main thing is she's a girl and that's what you're looking for.
There is something that I have and she doesn't. I have feelings for you, she doesn't. I hear her in biology all the time talking about how much she doesn't like you how you keep hitting on her. I try so hard not to show how much my heart is breaking when she is talking about you flirting with her. Two days ago she walked into class and said something that made me want to jump off a cliff.
"I hate myself" Hyolyn said when she walked in. Bora and I were confused until she said, "Jimin has a thing for me and so I'm going to pretend to have a thing for him and mess with his feelings" she looked so pleased with herself. I just sat there and I was hurting. Hurting for Jimin, the pain wouldn't go away.
Today I think was the worst though. Today Hyolyn used the hall pass and was gone for like twenty five minutes. When she came back she talked about how she was walking with Jimin, how he kept asking for a kiss. She said he looked lonely and needed someone to talk to. I think I know how everything is going to end. Hyolyn is going to end up with Jimin and I just stay by myself and watch Jimin be happy.
I like Jimin and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I think maybe I should stop listening to what my heart wants and just let him go, because I don't think I will survive much longer watching someone else make him happy.
